- 5 years ago
- Wedding: March 2005
I am new to the boards, and I really hate to start off my first post with such a negative conotation as I will probably impress upon you here.
I am 30 years old and have been happily married for 9 years now, and I have always heard the ridiculous story of people not being able to hang out with their single friends, losing their friends, and so on once they tie the knot and it wasn’t until now that I felt the need to rant about this a little bit, because this has just hit home as my 26 year old sister who has been married for but a year has come to the same outrageous conclusions and let me tell you why I think this kind of thing is compltely outrageous based on some of the reasoning I found even here on these boards.
1″.You really know who your true friends are when you get married, if they still hang around.”
Now as a married woman myself, who has been on both sides, let me be the first to say, that YOU who are getting married play the first part in telling your friends who the true ones are in the first place just by your invitation list.
We can’t all afford to invite everyone to our weddings, but when you snub sending an invite to that “friend” of yours you are telling them they are not as close as they think they are, so do not be surprised if they stop coming around.
If you can’t afford to have them at the wedding, guess what, the wedding isn’t the only thing these “friends” can be invited to, baby showers, bachelorette parties, and even asking their opinion on things involved in that part of your life sends a clear indication of whether you see that person as a “true friend”.
I having experienced this myself, where I seperated from who I thought was a really good friend, to move away for college a few years, we kept in touch on social networks, but she never once even informed me she was even getting married. I no longer reach out to that person, and it is not because I never thought of myself as a true friend to them, it s because she gave me the impression she did not see me as a true friend to her.
2. “I don’t hang out with my single friends anymore, because all they do is party, and we have different interests now that I am married.”
Really? You got married and suddenly you have different interests? Please. Just how rehearsed are you? Lay off the Sitcoms and Soap Operas.
I have watched my sister begin repeating this rhetoric and frankly it makes me sick to my stomach. Unless you just met your husband last week and hitched the week after, there is no reason that your behavior should be starkly different with your single friends than when you were in a commited relationship or engaged vs actually having a ceremony.
If you went to the club with your single friends while you were engaged, or after you were in a committed long term relationship and you cannot now that you are married you need to reassess yourself and not your friends, because you are putting on an act.
Why do women seem to think that as soon as they are married they can’t associate with their single party girl friends? Is it because they’re a “bad influence”?
You can’t meet up for a cup of coffee or go shopping? You can’t give her advice on her relationships? Please. It’s no wonder singles start to think of married women as miserable snobs.
I personally still associate with my single girl friends, I meet up with them at restaraunts have wine, talk to them about their dating lives, go dancing with them, have girl nights out and simply enjoy their company, the amount of time I spend doing that is CONSIDERABLY toned down, but I don’t simply throw my hands up and say, WELP! I’M MARRIED NOW, NOTHING IN COMMON WITH MY SINGLE FRIENDS.
The only time I see that drastically changing is when I have children, but guess what, again it will only probably be in terms of time commitment, not that I do not have anything in common with my friends, why do people behave as if being married has this set of predetermined rules?
Sigh this ends the rant… but this is already happening right before my eyes, and it’s just based on this idea that “this is how married people are supposed to act”. The whole thing seems extremely pretentious and it seems like such a damn shame that so many young married couples seem to do this!