Post # 17
Thank you all for the kind thoughts. I resort to a message board because I feel bad confiding in friends, I feel like it’s dumping, and like I’m asking them to take sides, which I hate, so I tend to keep quiet too much. I can tell that everyone’s posts are meant to help, and it makes me feel better to have you guys comment and offer advice, hope and prayers.
When we got home today he came up behind me washing dishes and held me, and apologized. That was pretty much all it took for me to feel better. I think (since I know seem to have actual cold symptoms) my feeling tired and physically ill while he felt tired and emotionally ill exacerbated both our feelings to a stupid point. My feelings if abandonment still hit at times, and among other things yesterday, I’d gotten word my mom was again using my name and number on loans she’s not paying, and I never got around to sharing thus with Boyfriend or Best Friend because I really didn’t want to talk about it at the time. I have a lot of admittedly unresolved anger at not having any kind of mom figure for most of my life, to help me learn ‘girl’ thongs, and to be there for me to call instead of turning to the Internet when I’m upset. So feeling let down again by her and then later felt let down by him, and it all snowballed.
I plan on looking at some of the books mentioned above if I can find them and seeing if they can help. Thanks, everyone for ‘listening’.
Post # 18
This is how my SO and I are, and after talking to him over and over and over for 2 years, he’s finally gotten it in the past 6 months. It takes compromise, and it will only work if you are both willing to give a little bit.
Post # 19
@Isilme: well, he seems quite depressed. it’s super hard for any one to deal with a partner thats down in the dumps. you might want to consider moving out. (just a suggestion please take no offense) sounds like he may need space to get his shit together. either that or you need to CONSTANTLY remind yourself that he’s going through a hard time and not take it personally. which i know is easier said than done! good luck hun!
Post # 20
@Sweetie Pie 21: Yeah, I’m pretty much going to have to take option 2 from you – I need to remember that most of the time his frustration and anger don’t ahve to do with me, personally. Its hard, given how I was trained as a kid to believethat all things happy or sad in my household was my fault. Logically, I know better, but as I stated, that insecure girl never goes away, and under stress and fatigue she comes out.
I might end up saying or doing something that ends up being the straw on the camel’s back, but I will say that as time has passed, not only have I managed to get to a better palce “most” days where I can look at him and figure what REALLY is wrong, AND I have to give him credit – he has over time himself started actually telling me he knows he’s having problems and it’s not me that’s making him upset. Last week was just a terrible combination of both of us having looooonnnnggg work weeks and being physically and emotionally exhausested, at which point I want to be close, and he needs space. Argh. After Thursday night, things improved and he was more affectionate. I guess even when you’re trying to communicate as much as you can, sometimes nerves will just get rubbed raw and a minor “blow up” will be needed to get it all out.
Thanks ya’ll for letting me vent, and offering help. It helps a lot.