(Closed) Pretty sure SO has bipolar disorder. Please help.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
10355 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

NOT getting treatment is what’s going to keep him from climbing the ladder. Why would his work even know about the diagnosis? That doesn’t make any sense.

Unfair fighting is not a symptom. My aunt is bipolar, there are so many other big hallmarks of the disease that i’m not sure why you’re focusing on that? I doubt that particular aspect will be helped with the meds.

He needs to go to a doctor, and you two need to go to a therapist to see if you can work on this together!

Post # 48
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@kittyface:  Thank you! You took the words right out of my mouth.

 

 

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@kayberry:  Please stop stressing over what “mental illness” he may or may not have.  All you can do is ask him to go to a doctor. If he will or won’t is his choice. You can’t MAKE him go. If he doesn’t… you need to decide if you can live with this.  It sounds like you can’t ( I wouldn’t) so it means you would have to leave. As scary as that sounds, it would get better and you would find someone who would make you happy. I think you would both benefit a lot from couples/individual counseling.

 

 

Post # 50
Member
5148 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

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@kayberry:  well, you should expect no less for yourself than you would a friend. You have to be a friend to yourself, too.

Post # 51
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@kayberry:  Then you need to leave him. If someone would leave me that easily I’d be out the door faster than you could turn around… he sounds ridiculously controlling.

Post # 52
Member
1456 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

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@kayberry:  I think that’s a very controling, unhealthy, and false view of counseling and therapy. It’s not about people trying to put ideas into your head, but more about teaching people how to make their own lives better in ways that are right and good for them. You are always in control in therapy, and the therapist is there to help you sort and assess your OWN feelings, not to tell you what to do. Maybe he doesn’t want you to go because he knows that what he’s doing is wrong and hurtful, and therapy might give you the strength you need to finally leave him.

Post # 54
Member
5148 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

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@kayberry:  I just read the latest post. Sweetie, please do not stay with a man so uninterested in self-improvement & self-awareness and who even threatens you if you pursue personal growth! Yuck! That IS incredibly immature, controlling & manipulative! A loving partner would encourage your personal growth and would also be willing to pursue his own for himself and a healthy relationship. 

There is a good reason I would never date a man who was not willing to go to counseling and was so against therapy. 

Post # 55
Member
1841 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

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@kayberry:  you can say that he doesn’t control where you go or who you see RIGHT NOW. I was with a man for 17 years. For a few years he said nothing about where I went, etc. when I finally mustered up enough courage to walk out, it was to the point that I was emotionally and sexually abused by him and was required to “check in” every few hours-even while at work!! Please think long and hard about this relationship. It took my 18YO son running away to show me that it was time for me to go. <<hugs!!!!>>

Post # 56
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@kayberry:  my opinion is that you SHOULD put yourself first in life and take care of YOU. You could suggest that he gets seen by professionals, but if he doesn’t then he doesn’t. You mentioned that he had an issue with addiction in the past, and just for a point of information , addiction does not go away, I know this because I am an addict.

The difference is I have been clean for 22 years and still work on recovery every day. Also I have been diagnosed with bi-polar and I take medication every day. My medications do not show up on drug tests because they test for certain drugs like cocaine and opiates. I know this because when I was getting divorced to my ex, he caused enough turmoil in the court that we to be drug tested in the court. Surely enough he had relapsed and failed the drug test. 

With out my psych meds I really don’t function well, my mania skyrockets both high and low. So instead of trying to convince him to do something, you should put yourself first, get your own counseling and take care of your life. You deserve way more than this person has to offer you. You are the most important person in your life. You are the ONLY person that will never will never LEAVE you. My last suggestion would be to read the book “the four agreements” by Don Migual Ruiz, it is a fantastic book and will transform your life if you want to.

 

Post # 57
Member
6262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

If you can’t live with it, you can’t mayyr him. To me it’s as simple as that and you should find someone else. Hard, but that’s life right?

Post # 58
Member
509 posts
Busy bee

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@kayberry:  Technically, his sister CANNOT diagnose anything.  The only one that can diagnose bipolar, or any other mental illness, and prescribe the appropriate meds for it is a psychiatrist.  Not a psychologist, nor a psych nurse, and certainly not a nurse practitioner. She can tell you what she suspects but nothing beyond that. Anything else is just plain irresponsible.

Post # 60
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@kayberry:  I’m sorry but people need to stop being armchair psychiatrists. There are 1001 mental disorders beside being bipolar. Being a [email protected]@ is not being bipolar. Thinking you’re always right is not being bipolar. Being a reckless driver is not being bipolar. If he was really bipolar he would not be holding down a job. Mania isn’t “sorta, kinda, sometimes.” It’s extreme, it’s 24-7, it’s long-term and it would definitely interfere with his work. The depression isn’t sad for an evening. It’s overwhelming and it’s long term. Maybe he is bipolar but I’m seriously doubting it.

At the end of the day, something is wrong with him. He won’t get help. You have lived with it for as long as you can and I don’t see anything else you can do. You have to decide if this is the life you want.

Post # 61
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

OP, I am a therapist and intake specialist (read: I give diagnoses for a living), and nurse practitioners are not qualified to give a formal diagnosis in mental health.  His sister may have observed traits over time, but he would need to see a psychiatrist or licensed professional counselor to get an actual diagnosis.  Also, psychotropic medications are not usually screened for in urinary drug screens, unless someone was stupid enough to put him on a benzo.  Even if they did show, psychotropic meds are legal and technically, he is under no requirement to disclose a diagnosis to an employer if it doesn’t impede him doing his job.

With limited information, he sounds more like he has a personality disorder –like borderline or narcissistic–than bipolar.  A depressed moment is not enough to diagnose bipolar, and the symptoms you described sound more like a personality disorder anyway.  Regardless–if he is unwilling to seek help and you already feel trapped, it is worth you seeing a therapist yourself to explore your options for whether to continue in this relationship or find a way to safely end it.  It is very hard to be in a relationship with someone who refuses to get help, and I wish you all the best however you decide.

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