Post # 1
This is basically just a vent.
My best friend from high school (we grew apart over the last 4 years) got engaged a couple of days ago, and I had to find out from my mother, who found out on facebook.
I’m feeling depressed, now, about my relationship versus hers, etc. I know you shouldn’t compare your relationship to that of others, but the former bff has been with her man for so much less time than I have been with mine. Also, I’m feeling sad that she didn’t tell me herself that she got engaged. I know we’ve grown apart, but I guess if I got engaged I certainly would have told her.
Her guy still has another year until he graduates college (he is a year younger than her), and my guy, who graduated over a year ago and is 2 and a half years older than me, has yet to pop the question. Sometimes I wish SO wasn’t so practical, you know? I know it’s smart to save up a bunch of money before you go buy a ring or get married or whatever, but sometimes a girl just needs a freaking promise.
Like I said, just a vent.
Post # 3
- Wedding: December 2012 - Hacienda los Agaves
@purpleginger: Yeah you shouldn’t compare your relationship to others’, but sometimes we just can’t help it, it’s not like we’re comparing, but it makes us realize other people are getting what we want.
At the end it’ll be better, your guy being practical will give you two a better start in your marriage and that’s what matters. You’ll have it all when the time comes.
Post # 4
I SO hear! Sometimes I wish he had the ablity to be completely foolish, fly off the handle and propose with the job he has now,LOL not the one he’s looking for but oh,well.
You and I will both be better for it. try to remember that.
Post # 5
I learned something yesterday.
I learned it when the girl i work with (who got engaged with a GORGEOUS ring in February and sent me into a depressive anger that my time had not come yet) started arguing with her Fiance. I have no idea what it was about but i heard all her phone calls and i saw her come in without her ring on.
What i learned is a ring does not make you happy. It does not fix any problems. It does not mean you will be married.
So as upset as i know you are, and as hard as it is to wait, if he is the right guy and you are truly happy in the relationship, it will be worth it to spend your life with someone you adore. Maybe she has a ring, but that doesnt mean she is any happier than you.
Post # 6
Lol I hear ya – I struggle not to cry when girls younger than me who have not been with their guy as long as me get engaged. Just feel like my guy doesn’t want to marry me and they’re lucky cos their guys want to marry them
Post # 7
Seriously, doing these sort of life comparisons is a surefire way to make yourself miserable. Now it’s weddings, next it will be houses, babies, jobs, cars, etc.
Trust that your time will come. Don’t ruin it with these feelings of anger and jealousy.
Post # 8
I can understand where you’re coming from… but I know for sure that it is definately unhealthy to worry yourself over it. Mutual friends of ours got engaged months before us, and they had only been together for a year as where we had been together for five. I kept asking myself what is wrong with me that my boyfriend does not want to propose? Timing is everything and no two relationships are alike, remember that. The more patient you are & the less you think about it, makes the moment and feeling of when he proposes so so so much better! 🙂
Post # 9
@purpleginger: we can’t help but compare what we have to other people, its what drives the economy. Envy/lust is human nature.
I understand yours completly, in fact “sometimes a girl just needs a freaking promise” is the line I’m going to use next time he tells me it’ll happen someday. Hold strong, I’m here for you!
Post # 10
the former bff has been with her man for so much less time than I have been with mine.
I don’t mean to send doom and gloom, but your statistically your former bff does not have good odds for a long and happy marriage.
It sounds like you are all pretty young, 20-ish or so, still in college? To be honest, at that age, it is NOT a good idea for your former bff and her Fiance to rush into engagement and marriage. I read somewhere that the divorce statistics are much higher for couples who marry very young.
If you really are in this for the long haul together, it is better to lay a good foundation — education-wise, financially, emotionally, etc. etc., which is what your SO is trying to do. Good for him!
As a completely random example, I know two brothers who got married — Younger Brother #1 rushed to propose to his college sweetheart, they were married right after graduation, and had two kids within three or four years after that. Fast forward about seven years later, they are going through one of the nastiest divorces I have seen in a long time.
Older brother #2 waited a couple of years after graduation to propose to his college sweetheart. They waited about five years before starting a family. They are as happy as clams and on very stable ground as a family.
I know it’s hard to see your former bff getting ready to ride off into the sunset when you are wanting that experience for yourself. Try to be patient and remember, this is not a race.