(Closed) Previously Married Sister Planning Wedding 1 Month Before Mine

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should my sister postpone her wedding?
    Yes : (40 votes)
    55 %
    No : (33 votes)
    45 %
  • Post # 3
    Hostess
    18643 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Did you announce your date before she did?  If so, she is putting family members in a very difficult position if they have to travel.  Most people would not be able to get time off one month and again the next month.  It is basically forcing people to either choose your wedding or hers which I think is pretty rude on her part.  I don’t know if there is any way that you can actually make her change her date though.  Maybe you should move yours so that they aren’t close to eachother.  I know that isn’t something you really want to do probably but it might make people not have to decide between the two of you.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3125 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    i think she’s being tacky and weird, but it’s going to be her that looks tacky and weird.  Not to mention, that if she was going to honor your promises to be Maid/Matron of Honor in each others’ weddings, that she might be on her honeymoon for yours.  Honestly, my advice is to be the bigger person, but if I were in your shoes, I would have had a FIT! 

    Post # 5
    Member
    6597 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    A month is a reasonable time between weddings unless there are guests that have to travel REALLY far – if not I don’t think it should be that much of a problem.

    Remember that weddings are not competitions and you get her day and she gets hers!

    I am the Maid/Matron of Honor in my best friends wedding (who is like a sister to me) a month before mine and she is the Maid/Matron of Honor in mine and we live an entire country apart!

    I think this a great bonding opportunity for you and your sister – you get to share in planning the most important days in your lives together!

    Post # 6
    Member
    1154 posts
    Bumble bee

    You are absolutely being too harsh.  You are talking about breaking completely your relationship with your sister over wedding dates and ‘spotlight’!  I don’t get it.  Were you never close to your sister?  Do you not love each other? 

    I’m not even going to get into the nitty gritty of who is right and the specifics because it doesn’t matter, sisters might often be ‘right’ to be mad at each other but to have that justify “not continuing any kind of relationship” whoa. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    2398 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    Wow.  I’m sorry your sister is making what should be a happy time for both of you so difficult!

    Have you set your date and/or put down any deposits yet?

    Post # 9
    Member
    2398 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    @FutureMrsMartin – I think the problem here stems from the fact that the guest lists for both events are going to heavily overlap.  OPs extended family may be put in the position of having to choose one wedding over another if there’s a lot of travel involved, which is awkward for them and for OP.  There’s also the issue of wedding fatigue.  It’s hard to feel as though your celebration is very special when there’s a real possibility that lots of the guests are all celebrated and spent-out and going throught the motions.

    Post # 10
    Member
    6572 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2010

    i agree that it kind of sucks, especially for your guests that would have to travel, and because you’ll be busy planning your wedding while having to deal with being in hers. but she’s your sister, for the sake of your relationship i would just suck it up and let it go. there are many times that you have to pick your battles during wedding planning, and i feel like most of them just aren’t worth it.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1580 posts
    Bumble bee

    What are the specific reasons you are upset? If it is just because “she stole the spot light,” then I am sorry, but i have to agree with your sister. A wedding isn’t about being the center of attention, and especially not for a whole month. If you think it would be a problem for family members to travel to two weddings in two months, then I can sympathize with you.

    My two aunts had a double wedding. It was a second wedding for one, and a first wedding for the other. My grandpa brought one down the aisle and then ran back around and brought the other one down. Each couple had their turn to stand up and say their vows. It was a wonderful wedding, and they were both married at the end of it. They were able to splurge a little more at the wedding/reception since they had combined finances.

    Do you just generally not get along with your sister?

    Post # 12
    Hostess
    18643 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Unfortunately I don’t think there is anything you can really do.  Do a lot of your family members live nearby or do they have to travel a lot?  For my wedding, if I had a sister that got married a month before me, a lot of people would have had to choose between us because they were coming from the East Coast to Colorado (which is about $400 per person to fly).

    Post # 13
    Member
    2030 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    ditto Future Mrs Martin.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2398 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    @Archana – You could make the same argument about OP’s sister, though.  Why shouldn’t she be the bigger person and change HER date, particularly as she’s already had the experience of wedding?  Wouldn’t that be the sisterly thing to do in this case? 

    Cutting off relations might be a bit extreme, but it’s far from unreasonable to be upset about this sort of behavior, IMO.

    Post # 15
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee

    Wow…sorry she is doing this but there probably is not anything you could do to change her mind about it…Have your parents tried talking to her about it?

    Post # 16
    Member
    3125 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    i never really thought about it from the other side, about it being a good bonding experience for the two sisters… depending on the relationship, the family, and the distance folks will be traveling, it may be a good experience.  But it doesn’t sound as if the OP feels this way, so hopefully they get it resolved and put some more of a buffer between the two weddings.

    The topic ‘Previously Married Sister Planning Wedding 1 Month Before Mine’ is closed to new replies.

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