(Closed) prgnant and scared $hitless

posted 10 years ago in Babies
Post # 47
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree wholeheartedly with JenniBride about discussing it with others or feeling like you need to justify the decision.

When I went through with it, no one but the father knew. I kept it to myself and went on with business as usual with no fanfare or ceremony made over it. It doesn’t have to be an earth shattering moment in your life.

Post # 48
Member
10357 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@JenniBride: *high five* for being brave enough to make the right decision for yourself 🙂

Post # 49
Member
5109 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

You are so strong!! You are handling this so well.. and I just wanted to say from your previous comment brokenbee.. You would never resent your child you feel like that now but everything changes once you have them in your arms.. althought the procedure is scary not gonna lie. Good luck again!!! 🙂 Oh and dont be scared of being judged!! Looks like a lot of us have been there. 🙂

Post # 50
Member
6350 posts
Bee Keeper

I was terrified I would resent her but not even close. I do sometimes resent the decision I made to have unprotected sex but never ever her.

Post # 51
Member
1643 posts
Bumble bee

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@DoozerB: “Most women regret having an abortion?”

Ahhh the age old argument that never quite holds up. Sure, some women feel regret, but many others feel relief at ending something that they did not want. I feel, and I’m sure there are exceptions, that most women terminate a pregnancy after they’ve put a lot of thought into it and decide they don’t want it, nor do they want to even carry it. 

I’m not going to get into an abortion debate with you. Been there done that. There’s no point to it, but do us and OP a favor and keep the blanket judgmental statements to yourself. OP has a tough decision to make and she should get to make it herself without people telling her how she’ll feel. 

Post # 52
Member
6350 posts
Bee Keeper

I think the reason we think most women regret their abortions is because we often only hear from those that regret it.

Post # 53
Member
1643 posts
Bumble bee

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@SoontobeMrsA: True. How many people will come out and say “I had an abortion and I’m glad I did. I wasn’t ready.”

The pro-life movement places such a stigma on people who admit that they aren’t ready to raise a child, or that they don’t want to carry a fetus to term that they don’t want to raise. 

Yet they’re fully ready to exploit those who do feel some form of regret, and use them as propaganda telling other women that they’ll feel horrible about themselves and want to commit suicide, etc etc.

Post # 54
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I know women that regret having children.  YES, they love their children – not the point.  They just think “what if?”  It’s NORMAL to regret any decision that we make.  It’s normal to think, “what if?”  Don’t be bullied into any decision.  Make the best decision you can with the information you have at the time.

Please PM me if you have any questions or concerns.  This is difficult…I know.

Post # 55
Member
10357 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@MissHoneyBun: I was happy to see a few Bees in this thread come forward as content with their choice to abort. Every time I have talked about it on these boards, i’ve been flooded with PMs from Bees that were in the same situation, and feel the same way. I wish they would speak up, too!

Post # 56
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

lots of views, babies are little miracles; here’s another side of the coin; there are so many women out there in the world who havent even come close to getting engaged or never come close to meeting their future husband, in their late 30’s, entering forties wanting so badly to meet the one or so badly to have their partner propose; I think you have a blessing right there in your belly; some women get married late and go through agony and consultations and do everything they can to have children; some women are unfortunate to never ever be able to conceive, some women will not ever get married or ever meet a lifelong partner; you have two things single women crave; and you have the absolute gift women struggling to conceive want nothing more in the world; many many women consider your pregnancy a gift

every baby is  a gift and a one in a million chance; one in a million chance to meet someone youre attracted enough to do stuff, one in a million chance that something came out of it whether by design or by accident, so your baby is the lottery; I know many will disagree, just another opinion, the other side of the coin; people have kids all the time since the beginning of time, lots of money no money it’s a part of life

 

Post # 57
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I was in a similar situation over 2 years ago. My fiance (boyfriend at the time) did own a house, but I had no education, we were not married ( at least you guys are) and we were both scared shitless as well. I actually was always pro-life, but when became pregnant, had this feeling like maybe an abortion was best for me. But then I had my ultrasound, and it all changed for me. Seeing a heart beating on a screen, is like nothing I have ever experienced, and for me, I  knew what was the best option. I guess you really need to figure out whats best for you guys. I mean, anyone is going to have fears, if the pregnancy weren’t planned. And really, your maternal instincts will kick in, and you will find a way to make ends meet, no matter what. Its just a matter of weighing out your priorities.

Post # 58
Member
6350 posts
Bee Keeper

Do I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I had chosen to abort? Rarely but sometimes.

What it came down to me was the decision I could live with.

A. Have an abortion and get on with my life-attend law school as planned, meet a nice man and get married.

OR

B. Have the baby I was not prepared to have (and honestly at that point did not want) and mess up my plans. Even my parents were not able to help me financially. I knew it was going to be me and the baby against the world.

I knew I would regret an abortion but I would not regret having her. As easy as a choice as abortion seemed to me, I knew in the long run for ME it would have been the more difficult life.

It really comes down to a personal choice.

Which one can you live with?

For me, it was having the baby. 

For crayfish, it was having an abortion.

Only YOU and YOUR DH can make this decision.

I wish you all the love and support in the world. I know how hard of a decision this is. I’m not trying to sway your decision in anyway. 

Have faith in yourself, though.

Post # 59
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Talk about this with your partner, and consider talking to a (non-biased) medical practitioner, like someone at planned parenthood who can counsel you about all the options.

I’m sorry you are in this situation, and I wish you the best with whatever choice you make.

Post # 60
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Isn’t it amazing, the range of opinions/thoughts on this matter??  I love hearing what variety there is out there.

For me, if i was in your position at a younger age than i am now, would have likely made the deicsion to terminate a pregnancy.  I am staunchly pro-choice, but the older I get the less likely I would be to terminate because of now knowing so many people who have struggled to concieve.  I had a serious pregnancy scare when i was 21 (which i still believe was likely a blighted ovum or a very early miscarriage), and there was no doubt in my mind that i would have terminated then, but now i don’t know if i could. 

I wish you peace and luck in making this decision, and remember that living with regret is part of life – none of us are perfect and all of us have regrets.

Post # 61
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Just a note, if you are having serious pains like that you should get to a doctor to get checked out.  Really sever cramping could be signs of an ectopic pregnancy which can cause damage to your fallopian tubes if not treated.  

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