(Closed) prgnant and scared $hitless

posted 10 years ago in Babies
Post # 120
4369 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
@helenberrycrunch: I could a bit sensitive, true. But coupled with other statements, like that someone will “probably” have psychological issues from an abortion, it makes me question the intent. 

I think we can all agree that OP needs our support, perhaps some pertinent personal experiences if we have those, but certainly not our ideologies on what she should do.


Post # 121
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I’ve never been there, but I can totally relate to how your feeling. I’m married and if we were to get pregnant I don’t know what we do. We’re totally pro-choice, but never thought we would be in that position.

If it were us, we would probably go ahead with the pregnancy. But you two have to make the decision for yourselves. Whatever you choose, it will be the best. Lots of hugs.

Post # 123
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I just wanted to say CONGRATS, I noticed everyone is saying they are sorry as if having a baby is a bad thing, or they feel sorry that you have to go through this.  Its never a good time to have a baby, trust me i didnt plan this one im having in may.  When you get pregnant you go through all the emotions but in the end every second is worth it.  People tend to adapt to a life with a baby and find ways to fit baby into their lifestyle.  My husband and I work full time as well; we take care of our two older kids 8 & 10.  We got pregnant on our honeymoon (oops).  We got married after many years of being together. At first i was mortified!! I mean how could this happen, we were done having kids, how are we going to do this. all of those type of things went through my mind.  My husband is in Afganistan and wont be here for the birth or even meet the baby until she is older.  Like i said people adapt, they make things work.  Push through the emotions and remember a BABY is a great thing, lots of work but worth it.  Good luck in whatever you choose, I truly think things happen for a reason.

Good Luck and again CONGRATS 🙂

Post # 124
6 posts

i’m a regular poster but created this new profile because i’m not brave enough to post under my usual name. Just to give you my experience,

I’ve been with my FH for over 10 years. Early on in our relationship (under a year) and in our early 20s we found out I was pregnant. Neither of us was financially stable, both still living with our parents. However, we loved each other dearly and truly felt that we were soulmates, and I knew that his was the man that I wanted to be the father of my children and that I wanted to be a mother someday. However, fear of the unknown was overwhelming. We were young, broke, unmarried. I had always said that I was pro choice but when confronted with the decision, it was agonizing but we couldn’t see another way. So we mutually agreed to terminate.

For US it lead to lot of bad feelings and for years negatively impacted our relationship (we have since worked past it but it took many, many years). Mostly because I was angry (in very passive aggressive way) and felt that he should have pushed harder  to reassure me that we could have faced it head on. To be more of a “man” so to speak. Of course, now I realize I was simply displacing my guilt on him and trying to ease my responsilbity in the decision.

Also, at the same time that we terminated, his sister was pregnant and we actually ended up practically helping to raise his nephew in his younger years (because she’s an irresponsible parent, who didn’t want to be tied down with responsiblity, but that’s a whole other story). Through the years we both have had to deal with feelings of regret, especially as I saw my FH tending to his nephew as a father figure.

It made us mourn what could have been (knowing that our child would have been the same age). And don’t get me wrong, there absolutely moments still of relief because there are experiences that I had, that I could not have had if we had a child so young. But hindsight is always 20/20. If knew then, what I know now I would not have had an abortion.  But I had to realize that I had to forgive myself because I made the best decision that I could at the time with what I knew then. And that’s okay. We going to get married later this year and hope to start working a family immediately.

However, make no mistake I am still pro-choice! I have many friends that have terminated and have no regrets. Guess what I’m ultimately trying say is that you can’t predict 100% predict accurately either way exactly what you will feel in the future becaue, life is just complicated. No matter what you choose to do, your and your FH will get through this. Lean on each other and speak honestly about your feelings. Good luck! {{hugs}}

Post # 125
1325 posts
Bumble bee

To the OP I have been there. Last December I got the dreaded words of “pregnant” on my test. It was one of the worst days of my life. I’ve never wanted kids, but for chemical reasons I’m sure, I felt very protective of the baby growing inside me. I instantly started crying because I didn’t have a choice to keep the baby. My health is terrible and it’s very likely that I would not have survived the pregnancy and labor. So I knew, I had to get an abortion. In by the end of January I was no longer pregnant. Let me say that I do not regret my choice, but I do regret that it couldn’t have worked out for me. No, I don’t feel guilty, when I think about it (which is often) I just feel heartbroken that I can not be a mother. Again, though I don’t regret my choice. It had to be made. I sincerely wish you luck since either choice will most likely be very difficult. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions at all. I personally would recommend that whatever you do, seek therapy. Someone to talk to about your feelings and fears, no matter what you do. Lots of hugs.

Post # 126
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

View original reply
@MissHoneyBun:YEs you misread it.  I was responding to the OP’s comment that she might go in for the abortion and change her mind, and wanted to provide some comfort that IF that happened, she shouldn’t despair.  I think you are reading our posts with your own experience heavily coloring how you interpret what others are saying (As we all likely do).  I honestly don’t feel one way or the other with what the OP SHOULD do, it is entirely her decision.  And just like you shared your story – others have shared theirs.  Let’s not let this thread become a place to argue, because it is not about us, it is about what the poster is dealing with.

and I truly am sorry you had such a stinky childhood.  It is really sad that any child should grow up feeling unwanted – I honestly can’t even imagine how difficult that is.

Post # 127
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Ugh, I wish that posts on threads like this had to go through a fact checker before any garbage misinformation was spewed out into the interwebs. It’s not a fact that you will experience any sort of psychological problems, research has proven otherwise time and again only to be tainted by the baseless, fear mongering claims of the anti-choicers. People shouldn’t be spreading that type of stupidity because, well, it’s just straight up wrong.

Let’s all keep our judgements about the OP’s situation to ourselves and just give her the support she deserves for having been brave enough to share what she is going through with the hive.

Post # 128
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

For what it’s worth, my friend terminated a pregnancy in high school.  Eight years later she married the same guy, and they now have two beautiful and healthy children.  My friend said she still thinks about it a lot, but knows that it was the right decision for them at the time, and wouldn’t change it.

Post # 129
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

View original reply
@ilovenycmissie:  Guilting her is not helping the situation.  Hundreds of people are starving in Africa, but does that mean I should throw my lunch in the garbage and starve too?

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