(Closed) Priest dilemna- How would you handle this?

posted 7 years ago in Catholic
Post # 17
Member
2521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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@LaTortuga:  Let’s just say I hear you on this.  All weddings should be free in the Catholic Church regardless of your income.  It is a SACRAMENT.  Sure, there should be a donation to the organist and coordinator but part of being a priest is doing things for free in my opinion.  You don’t expect someone on their deathbed to pay for the last rites and I didn’t have to pay to be confirmed in the Church.  It’s ridiculous.  I’m so frustrated with how the dioceses and individual parishes are run.  For me, money is super tight.  We want to get debt free so we can have children which the Church encourages.  If I’m shelling out $1000 between Marriage Encounter/Pre-Cana Fees, use of the Church, donation to a pianist/organist, and to the Priest then there’s something gravely wrong.  Pre-cana is a joke, I’m sorry but more than likely, I’ll be hearing about NFP which I already know, and sit around and discuss how we can communicate better.  I’d MUCH RATHER the priest have a couple from the Parish meet with us rather than us having to figure out how to find the nearest Diocesan-wide Marriage Encounter. 

 

My wedding as it stands:

 

Bake my own cupcakes for our small wedding, only parents and siblings are coming $30 if that

 

My dress on close out from David’s Bridal $79

 

My Fiance will be wearing his suit–$10 for dry cleaning

 

Dinner for the family at a restaraunt $250

 

Marriage Encounter in our Diocese $200-450 depending on what you choose

 

Church Fee probably around $500

 

And obligatory donation to pianist $100

 

I have no idea what our priest is going to charge but I should just assume $250

 

Marriage License $100

 

So you can see the Catholic Church eats up the money in our budget.

 

 

 

Post # 19
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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@LaTortuga:  The church where we are getting married does not charge anything to get married there. The recommended stipend is $100 – and the priest who is marrying us has probably told me 98 times that it doesn’t matter when it gets paid, he will marry us with or without it.

We also didn’t have to pay for our marriage course – it was offered on a Saturday from 9 am to 4:30 pm and was free. We purchased a book for $7 that went over the reading choices, etc. for the ceremoney, which was optional but I chose to purchase because I am not Catholic and I wanted to ensure I had a clear guide to the ceremony.

 

If I were you I would give him a cheque but forget to sign it or something and then make a donation to the church in whatever amount you feel is right. OR just address the cheque to the church and if he gets upset about it claim ignorance and tell him you didn’t realize priests were to benefit financially from doing weddings.

Post # 21
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

The church fee for us is $700 and then we paid $130 for pre-cana and then we have another $20 for the alter boy the day of our wedding.  So we’re in for $850.

Post # 22
Member
3657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

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@LaTortuga:  To play devil’s advocate: Do you donate regularly to this church? If not, why are you going there to be married? If it’s imporant to you to be married in a church, who do ya think they will be able to maintain that place for those like you who want a church building and etc that goes with it to be there when you want it?

Hey, I don’t care either way whether the priest gets money or not. I’m not a believer in any of it.

But buildings and church programs take money to run.

 

Post # 26
Member
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Wow, I am sorry you are dealing with so much drama! I hope the wedding at least goes smoothly.

Post # 27
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@LaTortuga:  Reading all this is making me really glad we didn’t even *try* going the Catholic route. My Fiance really wanted a priest to marry us but as a once-a-year attendee he really has no clue what all this entails.

I am *so* sorry this is happening to you, it’s abusive and hateful and although I’m not a Christian I was raised one and I know that is not how brothers and sisters in Christ (or in the world, period) are supposed to treat each other! 

Congratulations on your beautiful milestone and try not to let this whole situation bring you down. Love on your family, love on your new hubby, even love on the priest and coordinator because that is the most powerful message you can send.

 

A little inspiration:

Galatians 6:7 – Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.

Proverbs 16:18 – Pride [goeth] before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.

 

Post # 28
Member
13 posts
Newbee

In all honestly, I don’t think that fee is that much compared to most churches. I don’t understand how different catholic churches can charge different fees.  It’s the same sacrament.  I have had such a difficult time in Chicago finding a church that didn’t feel like it was a business.  (Sorry–venting here).

The church we decided to get married at, which is also the most affordable, has a fee of $1,000, musician fee of $475, and suggested donation to the priest of $100-200. 

Post # 29
Member
2432 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Of all my Catholic versus Protestant friends, the Catholic route has been by far the most expensive church wedding option (even without the pre-marriage counseling fees).

Our church fee (the Lutheran church I was baptized, took first communion, and was confirmed in) was $250. That included the donation to the pastor and day-of coordinator, fee for the organist, and the price of the candles (I requested full candelabras for the altar, instead of just the single candle sticks they normally place out in the summer. I was told no problem, and they had them set up for me at rehearsal. Our oldest nephew served as our acolyte).

I should also add that DH is Jewish, so we included a reading about Jewish families from the book of Ruth, and the glass breaking ceremony at the end before we recessed down the aisle. My pastor’s attitude through all of it was “That’s fantastic!” and he was welcoming and kind to both families. 

I have been a bridesmaid in two Catholic weddings. For one, they asked the bride to move up her rehearsal time in order to host a late Friday night wedding. First, they gave the mother of the Friday night bride my friend’s personal phone number to CONVINCE her to allow them to do so. Not okay, and my friend was livid. She told them no (as this meant they needed to have an extremely early rehearsal), and the church went ahead and allowed them to anyways. Inconsiderate of the bride and groom, who were already paying for their Saturday wedding. To us, it seemed like the church wanted the weekend double booked for weddings to get as much money as possible. The priest also seemed to look down upon those protestants in the wedding party who couldn’t take communion (it was full mass).

The other wedding was held in an old and gorgeous cathedral. The fees and expenses for that venue were unbelievable. As an example, I know the bride only wanted an organist, but the church forced her to fork over $750 for their 4-piece band to play. She didn’t even want that, but it is required. 

I would have a very hard time remaining in a church where the pastor or priest (or just the administrative staff in general) appeared greedy. I though $250 was a fair price for all of the services my church offered us. 

Post # 30
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I understand your frustration.  I felt the same way here.  It was 370.00 for precana classes and a lot of time and trouble. Even getting registered is hard because everyone has to take them from our diocese.  Then church wanted 425.00 for a parishiner and 390.00 for music.  Just crazy when we wanted a small budget friendly wedding.  I can see donating for the church and priest.  Also a stipend for oganists time.  It needs to be reasonable and these fees are high. 

Post # 31
Member
18 posts
Newbee

I’m sorry to hear about your frustrations, but I don’t think that $250 is that unreasonable… While I understand that you don’t feel like you got your moneys worth, its just something that you have to suck it up and do.  My church recommends a donation of $700 (that’s the in-parish rate), and our officiant is asking $200.  That does not include any of our pre-cana prep, nor the cost for our musicians.  Best of luck!

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