Post # 1
After a year of crying poor and not being able to afford stuff for the new house (we don’t even have wardrobes!), my boyfriend suddenly made the snap decision to get a puppy. Now, we always wanted a dog, but I kept saying to get one next year because of the money issue and I assume that no money means no engagement ring. Also, we don’t have the time to train it! Instead, within one weekend he got a dog and he’s spent equivalent to 1 months pay on setting up with dog food, vaccinations, cage, puppy school, etc.
I told him how I felt and he promised wardrobes by next month. However he keeps skipping the issue with getting engaged. I’m now holding a bit of a grudge as the puppy is taking up all his time (the dog is all he talks about) and with all the financial priorities, I feel like he knows I’ll stick around and that allows him to delay our engagement.
How do I talk to him about this? I’m not keen to give him a deadline in case it’ll backfire, but I feel like its been over a year since we’ve moved in together and he’s only delayed setting up our love nest and moving forward together by taking on extra responsibilities elsewhere. I’m tempted to move out and if he wants to date me, then do so, else I’ll just leave him to his puppy love. Any suggestions?
Post # 3
@blinx: Uh oh. You’re right to be upset, that is not an adult decision whatsoever. Did he even include you in this? It doesn’t sound like engagement is on his radar right now.
Post # 4
We both always wanted a dog and would chat about it, but he was the one that suddenly became adament that we had to have one …and we had to have it now! I kept questioning him with “are you sure? what if…” questions, but during his search he’s fallen in love with a puppy who is not only needy but one of the most active breeds. I knew we weren’t ready for a dog (financially and time-wise), but he was just too stubborn and I let him have his way. 🙁
Post # 5
Sounds like he’s not ready for engagement and might be using this to delay it. So, the puppy is a symptom not the cause. Regardless of that, however, puppies are major decisions that should be talked about and agreed upon together, considering you live together. I’d start there and move into how you don’t want to resent the puppy, but certain elements of how the puppy joined your lives have made you feel that way. I explained to my SO the cat litter smell really sets me offand when he doesn’t clean it often enough (his cat), then it gets me frustrated with her, even though it’s not her fault. Bad owner, not bad pet. He gets it and has gotten better on that chore as a result.
In my opinion, you need a lot more communication going on – and moving out to get his attn is a knee jerk reaction that continues that trend.
Post # 6
sounds like he’s hoping the dog might have been a distraction from the engagement and it seems to have had the opposite effect…..
I agree. you guys need to talk more. does he know how very important it is to you to get engaged? maybe communicate that you aren’t just eager to have a ring. but its truly important to you. i know i had to have that convo….
Post # 7
My guy did the same thing telling me we would get engaged AFTER we got a puppy. 2 years later we still don’t have that puppy but I DAMN SURE have my ring. Stick to your stance- I wouldn’t entertain getting a puppy without a ring- SORRY!
Post # 8
@ms.oregon.state: this pretty much sounds (and feels) like the case. Looks like we’re in for a big sitdown chat tonight. Wish me luck!