private ceremony and large reception later

posted 3 months ago in Reception
  • poll: Would you be LESS likely to attend the reception?
    No, I'll be there to celebrate your happiness! : (15 votes)
    33 %
    Maybe, because it has been months since you were actually married. : (8 votes)
    17 %
    Yes, it was too long between events. : (6 votes)
    13 %
    Yes, that's just weird to not have them the same day. : (2 votes)
    4 %
    Yes, because I wasn't invited to the ceremony. : (12 votes)
    26 %
    Other, please explain in your comment! : (3 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 2
    3781 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

    You can skip the cheesy your presence is our present line, call it a marriage celebration instead of reception. Otherwise I personally wouldn’t mind this but there will always be people who do and may not want to attend. On the other hand I really don’t see how waiting an extra five months would kill you. Its not like you’re saving money since the party/reception is whats expensive and you plan on inviting 200+ people. 🤔 Edit: btw 15 people is not a private ceremony its an intimate wedding. Private would be the two of you which would make more sense.

    Post # 3
    1646 posts
    Bumble bee

    I don’t really get the point. These people aren’t important enough for you to want to invite to the wedding, why bother inviting them to a consolation party? If having them there was important you’d make it work. Even though you say it’s not about gifts it still comes off that way. 

    Post # 4
    8760 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    There is a lot of confusion about this. Etiquette has no issue with an intimate ceremony and a larger, delayed reception. It’s the reverse that’s not condoned. 

    The only time I’d hesitate is if the two events were on the same day and you were asking people to fly in, or if you planned to invite a larger group to the ceremony. You’re fine on both counts. There are any number of reasons why a small ceremony might be necessary or preferred. 

    Post # 7
    7826 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I sort of get it. It’s like a destination wedding where you invite your VIPs but then have a big reception back home. That is reasonable for most people I think. 

    I agree with PP though that it’s not really a private ceremony. You’re going to have 15 people there with you watching you say your vows. That counts. 

    Post # 9
    1528 posts
    Bumble bee

    You may not want gifts, but I believe people will see it as a gift grab. It’s not like you’re inviting them all to TN and later hosting an even for those who can’t make it. You’re waiting 5 months for a celebration, to an event that they weren’t invited to- but 15 people were. 

    Post # 10
    618 posts
    Busy bee

    So I voted for the first option because of my background and the fact that I hadn’t read your post prior to voting. In my culture, it is normal to have an intimate ceremony followed by a large reception. However the ceremony and reception occur on the same day. So if I were invited to a reception only, I wouldn’t think twice. Frankly, I’d rather have skipped all of the ceremonies I’ve been to anyways, no matter the culture.

    But also being honest, I find the fact that you’re  planning on a reception so long after being married strange. I’d be more understanding if you had an elopement and did a reception immediately after. But you’re not. So I don’t know if I’d see your reception as a wedding celebration as much as a nice party. A 5 month anniversary party. 

    Post # 11
    2491 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2017 - Outside in Paris

    Have a party. Don’t call it a reception. Receptions are for the people you invite to the wedding. 

    Post # 12
    1410 posts
    Bumble bee

    being totally honest here: I’d only go if it was at a really fancy or fun place and I knew it’d have alcohol. Since it’s not the real wedding in my mind it’s more like a birthday party so I’m not compelled to go if I have better things to do.

    Post # 13
    8760 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    People can split hairs but fifteen people is still just immediate family any way you look at it. OP’s delayed party is both polite and acceptable. You’d call it a celebration of marriage as opposed to a wedding reception. It is no more gift grabbing than any other party. 

    As usual, it’s improper to have any mention of gifts on an invitation, even “no gifts.” You are not even supposed to be thinking in those terms. 

    People will either attend or they won’t. PPs may be correct that you may get some attrition if people know they are not attending a wedding. But there is nothing wrong with what OP wants to do.

    Post # 14
    1003 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    I know people who have had simple courthouse weddings or elopements and then had a celebration party after. I’m not sure that it is something travel a long distance for–more something that occurs with loved ones back home. 

    Post # 15
    288 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    jagray :  I prioritize celebration of marriages/receptions only differently than an actual wedding. I’m not too big into celebrating an event I wasn’t invited to in the first place but I might go if it were local (less than an hour drive) and  if there was lots of other friends/family that I knew there. I’m not going to make it a high priority though, like a wedding. I sometimes work on weekends and I wouldn’t take a weekend off to go to one, (like I would a wedding) and I definitely wouldn’t travel for one. (like I would a wedding) 

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