(Closed) Private elopement and then dinner with family?? Is this okay … (kinda long)

posted 4 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
8444 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

eireannsh:  It sounds like you’re planning a small, private elopement, which is completely fine.  I don’t really feel like either family will be that involved, but it doesn’t sound like you want that anyways. If you want to have a small celebration after your private ceremony, you could definitely host a light meal or drinks at a local restaurant/bar.  However, when you have dinner for Thanksgiving/Christmas, it won’t really be about your wedding, but will probably be more of a holiday celebration since your families won’t actually be together (which is also fine).  The thing about weddings is, it’s never fine/good for everyone, so you have to do what’s right for you.

Post # 3
297 posts
Helper bee

If you invite family to help you get ready, they will not want to sit around while you go have your private ceremony- they will want to be at the ceremony, too!


Post # 4
1618 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Cape May

eireannsh:  it sounds to me like you already have it all planned out. My only suggestion is to simplify it by not having everyone help you get ready before if they are not welcome to attend the ceremony. Simply have your ceremony then arrange to meet everyone after or at a separate time. 

You are in essence eloping which is exactly what we’re doing. Except were not having our family see us first. They know where we are getting married and are welcome to attend,  but afterwards they are on their own. We will get ready with our witnesses, get married, then enjoy the rest of our trip with just us. 

Post # 5
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

There’s nothing wrong with having a private ceremony, but I do think it is impolite to invite your family to come to town explicitly to NOT watch you get married. 

I would recommend either 1) elope and have your families meet another weekend, or 2) invite your families to witness the ceremony.

Post # 7
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015


eireannsh:  I am planning on doing something very similar!!  I too am not yet engaged but SO and I have obviously discussed how we want things to go.  We are planning on getting married in a local park with a guest list of 20 immediate family members.  We will hire a photographer to capture wedding photos as well as some with family and then we will head over to an amazing local restaurant for dinner and drinks to celebrate.  We then plan on having a party of some kind with all our friends and family who were not at the actual wedding 🙂

Post # 8
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - The Meeting House/DoubleTree by Hilton

I agree with PPs – maybe skip having them get ready with you? But if I was your family member, I’d like to come on the same weekend and be able to celebrate with you right after the ceremony! Just personal preference.

I think as long as you’re honest with everyone, your plan is fine. It sounds personal and intimate and really relaxed – I think it’ll be beautiful. 

Post # 9
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

eireannsh:  We are having a not so private destination wedding and some family/friends are invited and some are not for various reasons. We will have a party at our local bar back home when we return for those in town or could not make it to the location and show the DVD of the wedding.


In the end you are not going to be able to please everyone, so you and future hubby need to decide what is going to please you both and stick with that.  I would opt out of having them help you get ready, as the main reason they want to be there is to see the wedding. Is it possible to have someone (not related like co worker ect)  tape the ceremony and have it played at another location. Maybe see what the cost for having a private party at a resturant, you don’t necessarliy have to tell them its a reception ( think places charge more for that word lol ) just reserving some tables and it doesn’t have to be the same day as your wedding maybe the next day, or follwoing weekend where some casual outings could be planned to get everyone together. Good Luck

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