(Closed) Private Wedding – offending some people. Need advice

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5959 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Yup!  We only had 25 people at our wedding, it was very small and intimate, and we didn’t really feel obligated to explain ourselves to anyone, because it was our wedding, and our choice to include the people we did. 

Now, I did get some rather snarky phone calls and a few tantrums thrown my way over the whole thing, which I refused to participate in seeing how we decided the best way for us was to have a reception bbq later in the summer for people to attend en mass where we offered professional family portraits in thanks.

I guess my advice would be this, in a world of big weddings you are the exception and not the rule, some people might be hurt or offended and while their feelings are valid, they are not your problem.  Don’t get caught up in the emotional blackmail some people might throw your way over this, don’t feel like you have to hide it in any way, this is your wedding and it’s something to celebrate, do it your way!

Post # 4
Member
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@jakesmom:   Our wedding is this coming Saturday (yay!) and we’re having the same type of ceremony – small, intimate, immediate family and very close friends only, around 25 guests. 

I’ve explained to those who’ve asked about being invited and sometimes even explained twice to the same people, lol.  Nobody has been offended once I’ve explained our wishes.

If anyone is offended after the fact, when they find out, that will be their problem and not ours.  If they ask, I’ll explain what we wanted for our  wedding, and if they don’t ask I suppose they can think what they like.

Post # 5
Member
511 posts
Busy bee

@Nona99:  This!

A wedding IS a private event; who you share it with is completely up to you, whether it’s no-one or 500 people. I have no idea when this overwhelming sentiment of entitlement became ‘normal’ but I’m not joining the club.

It’s YOUR wedding and it should be as close as is humanly possible to how you envision it.  Good luck with your planning and above all, enjoy your day!

Post # 6
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

We had a small, immediate family only wedding ceremony and dinner and then, the next night, had a big cocktail party with our friends, extended family to celebrate.

We hurt some feelings in the process…but you’re going to do that whatever kind of wedding you decide to have.

What I realised was that the people who were hurt were honestly just so excited and happy for us that they really wanted to be there to support us.  Usually (obviously not always) I think that this is case.  Their hurt is coming from a good place.  I just ended up explaining why we were doing it this way, that we cared about them, and would celebrate with them the next day.

Send the announcement (which sounds awesome, btw) and don’t explain.  Perhaps talk about seeing them soon and that you love them.  They will get over it.

Post # 8
Member
2981 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My wedding was on the smaller side with NO KIDS *gasp* and I caught flack for it. People are going to find something to complain about, no matter what you guys decide to do. Let it roll off your back. Then you have this:

“What I realised was that the people who were hurt were honestly just so excited and happy for us that they really wanted to be there to support us.  Usually (obviously not always) I think that this is case.  Their hurt is coming from a good place.  I just ended up explaining why we were doing it this way, that we cared about them, and would celebrate with them the next day.”

This is the much kinder other side of the coin 🙂 Some people will truly be saddened that they didn’t make the cut, b/c they really want to be there to witness you getting married. You should not have to write anything explaining why they weren’t invited. I think that has the potential to offend deeply, instead of patch things up.

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