- 5 years ago
Myself and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years in February 2014 and living together 2 and a half years. We’ve been very happy together, we rarely ever argue and we’re happiest when we’re in each other’s company just snuggling on the couch. The problem is, I’ve been expecting a proposal for over a year now and I’ve begun to think it’s never coming. I’m 29 and he’s 26.
He’s been working in a great, well paying job with excellent career and promotion prospects for a year and a half. He’s doing so well that it’s allowed me to leave my own full time job and return to college, my boyfriend paying all the bills and my college fees (which aren’t too much in my country, a couple thousand). While this might seem like a huge financial undertaking and you might wonder why I’m still upset over waiting, my partner has 10-15k in savings and is not struggling to make ends meet every month. He’s (we’re) very fortunate. Money is not the waiting issue.
We’ve talked about getting married and having babies for as long as I can remember, so he’s not squeamish about it hypothetically. Last Christmas my father commented to me that he’s anxious that my boyfriend hasn’t proposed to me yet, and my mother commented that she expected an engagement for Christmas. That initiated the first talk. He said that he does want to marry me and I am his future. I impressed upon him the urgency for me to start TTC (my mother had a history of miscarriages) in case it’s hard for us. His mother is very Catholic and every family member has been married before getting pregnant, so we’d really need to her married before TTC. With a year to plan a wedding, that would leave me starting to TTC at 30. I wouldn’t want to leave it later than that and I thought he understood that. So I left it with him.
in the meantime our 4th anniversary when I was hoping for the proposal came and went. Were at his cousin’a wedding around the same time, and in the wedding speech the groom commented on how he knew his wife only 9 months before he proposed as he knew she was the one. That made me upset and instigated the second talk.
At the second talk he told me that he’d been looking for rings and he assured me that his future was with me and it would happen soon. I told him that I didn’t want to have to give him a deadline or an ultimatum as it would absolutely ruin the proposal for me, but I impressed the timeline of wedding and TTC on him again. He was happy with that and so was I.
So my birthday and Christmas have now passed without a proposal. My walkout date in my mind was the start of 2014, but when Christmas passed I pushed it back again to our anniversary (Feb) as I love him and don’t want to leave. But THEN I got a little tipsy and upset on Christmas night and started texting him telling him how I feel about having to wait, and how if he really loved me and wanted to be with me he would have proposed by now. He called and said I’m right and he doesn’t know why he hasn’t proposed yet. I stayed quiet on the call as I said everything I needed to over text. He didn’t say much more. I told him not to bother coming home from his parents house after Christmas and that we’re on a break while he thinks about things. We haven’t spoken since.
Now I’m at a loss. I don’t know how this is going to pan out. Any proposal I get after this ultimatum will be ruined and I’ll forever feel I had to push him into it. Every girl dreams of her proposal and wedding, but now my dreams are marred by this. Also, should I really settle for someone who seems almost indifferent to me? He says he loves me and I think he was crying on the phone, but his actions (or lack of action) dispute this. However he HAS been so good to support me financially for the past 3 months so… I just don’t know. I’m so confused about our future.
Sorry for the long post, I really needed to get it off my chest. Well done if you got this far.