I normally don’t answer these posts because they seem to get out of control but since this one is just starting out, I’ll explain my POV.
My FH has already told me he is not interested in strippers/ strip clubs. Even when he was single, it made him uncomfortable/ grossed out. We went to a strip club once, together, because a mutual friend was celebrating her birthday at one, and we were curious. We had a good time hanging out with friends, but didn’t really pay much attention to the strippers and so did not get a lap dance. He said that it was cool to go to see what the fuss was about, and if another similar occasion arose, he wouldn’t mind going, but that he still is not interested in strippers/ lap dances/ etc.
So if he all of a sudden started going to strip clubs, I would be curious about why the sudden change. Since reading WB a lot and all the crazy threads on this topic, I’ve done a lot of thinking and come to the conclusion that I don’t mind the strip clubs environment, but I am not comfortable with two things. The first is sexual contact with another person (including but not limited to strippers) and second is I’m not ok with throwing hard-earned (and needed) money at random people. (This is because we have small balances on our credit cards, hospital bills, a mortgage, and I have student loans and a car payment. So we’re not in a financial place to be just throwing cash around.) But my main reason is the sexual contact with other people– that’s just my opinion and my personal definition of cheating plays in to that.
As for the porn thing, I had an ex who used to “look at” (see pleasure himself) to porn ALL THE TIME, even when I would be laying on the couch watching a movie. Instead of putting some effort in to have sex with me, my ex (when we were together, of course) would go “look at” porn and I would walk in the room wondering where he went and find him doing that. So needless to say, I’m kind of sensitive about the whole topic but not terribly against it. I don’t see it as the same as a strip club because it is not sexual contact with another person– it’s just fantasizing, which is healthy, IMO. So I don’t have a problem with porn unless it gets in the way of our sex life.
However, my FH is the type who does not enjoy porn all that much and will only look at it to relieve himself when he needs to. I’ve asked him before if he does that often, and he says he doesn’t ever, because apparently for him, it’s kind of a pain in the ass (messy, not as fun/ satisfying as sex, etc), and he would rather wait for me so we can get together instead of dealing with it himself. I know that a lot of women would think he is lying but I’m sure he’s not. I know him and his routine, and I would notice if he did “look at” porn (find porn on my computer/ in the DVD player, etc). So if my FH all of a sudden started taking care of himself, it wouldn’t be the porn that would bother me. I would, again, be curious as to why the sudden change. Is there a sexual issue that I am not aware of? Why would he want to take care of himself (if there is no sexual problem between us)? If he had a reasonable explanation, then that’s cool. Of course, he’s more than welcome to do his own thing. But because that is not the way things have been, I would just be surprised and would want to know what has brought about the change.
So that’s my opinion on strippers and porn. I hope I’ve explained myself clearly enough, because there is so much that these topics have to do with that it’s kind of hard to explain.