(Closed) Probably opening up a can of worms but I’m curious…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: How do you feel about strip clubs and porn?
    Okay with both : (150 votes)
    43 %
    Okay with strip clubs, Not okay with porn : (12 votes)
    3 %
    Not okay with strip clubs, Okay with Porn : (82 votes)
    24 %
    Not okay with either : (102 votes)
    29 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2192 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I’m not worried about Strip Clubs…not his thing really but probably will for Bach party. And porn we watch together or if I’m not int he mood for ” funzies” he will watch some porn himself. Never does he hide it from me.

    Either just aren’t a big deal to me.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2313 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I honestly couldn’t care LESS about him watching porn. What, like I think he’s actually going to go out and find those girls and cheat on me with them? LOL it’s just laughable. It’s entertainment, it is NOT a threat to our relationship. Strippers I can see causing problems for some women, but porn? It puzzles me that occasional viewing would bother someone very much.

    Post # 5
    Member
    5657 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I don’t really like to think about my Fiance using porn, but I am aware that he uses it and I feel like that’s perfectly reasonable. For my Fiance anyway, it’s just so disposible it’s hard to feel like it’s much of a threat. 

    Strip clubs… I’m not too sure what I think about them yet. I think I’m fine with just him going and watching the show, but I am not sure how I feel about lap dances. Logically, letting some other women crawl all over him like that doesn’t seem right, but so many other people are so cool about it that I wonder if I am just making something out of nothing.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3126 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    Don’t ask don’t tell works well in my household. Im assuming he watches porn but don’t really ask him about it. In the past we have watched it together.

    Strip clubs are not okay. I wouldn’t freak out if he went but I am glad he doesn’t.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1326 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

    Honestly, I don’t think either are that big a deal. When it is a big deal, and what I have seen women struggle with, is when their husband does it addictively (like every day), and/or does it and lies about it. I have seen this destroy my close friend’s marriage and another close friend of mine is struggling with it now.

    Post # 8
    Member
    3482 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I chose “Okay with both” BUT that’s on the condition that both are with my full knowledge. I can’t abide by people who sneak around, whether I’m okay with the activity in principle or not.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1810 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I normally don’t answer these posts because they seem to get out of control but since this one is just starting out, I’ll explain my POV.

    My FH has already told me he is not interested in strippers/ strip clubs. Even when he was single, it made him uncomfortable/ grossed out. We went to a strip club once, together, because a mutual friend was celebrating her birthday at one, and we were curious. We had a good time hanging out with friends, but didn’t really pay much attention to the strippers and so did not get a lap dance. He said that it was cool to go to see what the fuss was about, and if another similar occasion arose, he wouldn’t mind going, but that he still is not interested in strippers/ lap dances/ etc.

    So if he all of a sudden started going to strip clubs, I would be curious about why the sudden change. Since reading WB a lot and all the crazy threads on this topic, I’ve done a lot of thinking and come to the conclusion that I don’t mind the strip clubs environment, but I am not comfortable with two things. The first is sexual contact with another person (including but not limited to strippers) and second is I’m not ok with throwing hard-earned (and needed) money at random people. (This is because we have small balances on our credit cards, hospital bills, a mortgage, and I have student loans and a car payment. So we’re not in a financial place to be just throwing cash around.) But my main reason is the sexual contact with other people– that’s just my opinion and my personal definition of cheating plays in to that.

     

    As for the porn thing, I had an ex who used to “look at” (see pleasure himself) to porn ALL THE TIME, even when I would be laying on the couch watching a movie. Instead of putting some effort in to have sex with me, my ex (when we were together, of course) would go “look at” porn and I would walk in the room wondering where he went and find him doing that. So needless to say, I’m kind of sensitive about the whole topic but not terribly against it. I don’t see it as the same as a strip club because it is not sexual contact with another person– it’s just fantasizing, which is healthy, IMO. So I don’t have a problem with porn unless it gets in the way of our sex life.

    However, my FH is the type who does not enjoy porn all that much and will only look at it to relieve himself when he needs to. I’ve asked him before if he does that often, and he says he doesn’t ever, because apparently for him, it’s kind of a pain in the ass (messy, not as fun/ satisfying as sex, etc), and he would rather wait for me so we can get together instead of dealing with it himself. I know that a lot of women would think he is lying but I’m sure he’s not. I know him and his routine, and I would notice if he did “look at” porn (find porn on my computer/ in the DVD player, etc). So if my FH all of a sudden started taking care of himself, it wouldn’t be the porn that would bother me. I would, again, be curious as to why the sudden change. Is there a sexual issue that I am not aware of? Why would he want to take care of himself (if there is no sexual problem between us)? If he had a reasonable explanation, then that’s cool. Of course, he’s more than welcome to do his own thing. But because that is not the way things have been, I would just be surprised and would want to know what has brought about the change.

    So that’s my opinion on strippers and porn. I hope I’ve explained myself clearly enough, because there is so much that these topics have to do with that it’s kind of hard to explain.  

    Post # 10
    Member
    1326 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

    @JenniMichele:I actually think that’s a really healthy way to look at it, and agree with everything you’ve said. 🙂

    Post # 11
    Member
    1227 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @PuntaCanaBride: Oh, if only you really could exclude lap dances. But for me, I draw the line at the point where someone could actually be touching my Fiance, and so that rules out strip clubs in my way of thinking. Porn, on the other hand, is okay by me. I seriously doubt the people on the screen are going to ever jump out of the TV and physically interact with you, so go ahead and watch it!

    Post # 12
    Member
    1664 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    We’ve been to strip clubs together, and both of us have also gone alone. 
    I don’t really have a problem with them, but I can’t say I like the idea.  I do, howver, have a problem with lap dances.  I don’t think that it is appropriate when you are in a committed relationship to have a naked or half naked person grind on you.  I have no problem with pornography in moderation.  I hear of women getting upset over Playboy magazines, and I don’t really get that.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2714 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Honestly, I don’t care about either… But I understand/respect why some women do not agree with it.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1124 posts
    Bumble bee

    No stripclubs, no porn. FH is one of the rare men (and believe me, they do exist) who doesn’t enjoy either. We mutually agreed that in OUR relationship, these activities are considered cheating. Totally get why other people are ok with it and don’t understand why we’re not, but those are where we set our boundaries. It has nothing to do with trust issues or jealousy, just our own morals.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2866 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I agree that it’s the interaction part that makes the difference for me. Strip clubs have live human beings so it’s less of a controlled situation, there can be a variety of experiences. Porn is not going to change based on the individual watching. There’s no changing the outcome. Plus I just think strip clubs seem dirty but porn not so much (maybe it’s because it can be an individual private thing rather than being with a crowd of strangers).

    The topic ‘Probably opening up a can of worms but I’m curious…’ is closed to new replies.

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