(Closed) Probably the weirdest wedding situation EVER. Anyone else in my boat??

posted 8 years ago in Legal
Post # 20
Member
5155 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

If you are changing your name by application to the court, and the reason is not marriage/divorce you usually have to swear an affidavit or something as to WHY you are doing it. I would not recommend withholding the truth from the court in what is sworn evidence if the truth is that it is a “lead up” to your “faux wedding”. You need to check into what your state requires in particular.

By the way, even if you married, you aren’t usually entitled to pre-acquired property anyway. Like what you have saved in a retirement fund before marriage. Depends where you are, but division usually applies only to after-acquired property (or if you mix property/transfer it to shared property). And, pre-nups can also address a lot of this.

Like I said, I certainly think you are free to do as you wish. My husband and I have all the commitments to each other you described as well, and the only difference is we did choose to do it legally as well. This was our choice but it certainly was not necessary for us actually to be committed as life partners, that came before and independent of marriage. But if you really are confident in your choice be honest with people, court and guests alike. 

Post # 22
Member
4654 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@j_jaye:  That seems awfully mean… I mean, what if it was your close friend? You’d skip out on supporting their commitment because of legalities? Is that really what a wedding is about? 

To OP, I’d recommend sitting down with a lawyer to make sure you have division of assets (in the event of a split) and “next of kin” stuff taken care of, and to sort out the “common law” issue…. but seriously more power to you! Don’t call it anything you don’t want to. No need to get the government involved in YOUR commitment if you don’t feel like it. 

I seriously don’t get why so many people on here give a hoot if the beautiful wedding they witness is legal or not, when it’s whats in the participants’ hearts that matters.

Post # 23
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

There are definitely legal papers for health/medical emergencies and you can assign the responsibility to anyone.  My parents have two documents for each of them, financial and medical, if they are unable to make decisions for themselves.  They had them drawn up with a lawyer and then my dad called and told me about it and where they were. The documents have official names, I just don’t recall them at the moment.

He also has an excel spreadsheet of all his passwords (he handles finances) and I have the password to it, which was super helpful when he was sick for weeks a couple years ago.

As far as the main point of the post:  If I were you I’d rock a commintment ceremony, it’s not a wedding so I wouldn’t call it one if I were doing it.   I’m literal and technical tho so that’s me.  Do what you want, just understand you’re likely to confuse people along the way and have to explain a lot.

Post # 25
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Yes, but do your guests know that you are actually not getting married?

 

Also how can you call each other fiance if you are not getting married?  How can you say he proposed?  A proposal is one person asking the other to marry them.  I mean if you love this person and want to spend the rest of your life with them, why wouldn’t you marry them?  This whole fake wedding, avoiding making it “legal” just seems a lot more confusing. 

Post # 26
Member
9163 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@Bebealways:  Yes if they were lying to me about it. Because you know friends don’t lie to each other.

Post # 27
Member
9163 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@lochnessy:  Wedding noun-  A marriage ceremony, esp. considered as including the associated celebrations.

A party or celebration is the word you are looking for.

Post # 28
Member
4654 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@j_jaye:  But a wedding is just a ceremony. It’s not a lie… it’s just only a spiritual wedding, not a legal wedding. If someone feels comfortable enough to share something like that it’s great, but it seems like a pretty personal distinction. 

Do you get upset at same-sex couples calling their ceremony a wedding in states where it’s not legal? 

Post # 29
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@Bebealways:  I just think the guests should know.  I would feel like the couple was trying to deceive everyone. 

 

And the difference with the same sex couple is that they legally cannot marry but still want to call it a wedding.  The OP CAN legally marry but doesn’t want to, but still wants to call it a wedding.

Post # 30
Member
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Don’t forget – your man may not always have the same job. I think its just weird, you’re lying to everyone, your family and friends about getting married and being married. Are there any disadvantages to actually being married that aren’t related to divorce? 

Post # 31
Member
9163 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@Bebealways:  No because they don’t have the choice and can’t legally have the wedding that they want.

Everyone obviously has a different definition as to what a wedding is. I choose to go by the legal definition and would be offended if if you lied to me about not getting legally married. I feel the same way if you get married prior to your celebration and then not tell and let me think I am coming to a wedding.

To me it is kind of like throwing yourself a birthday party six months before/after your birthday or having a baptisim but not actually getting baptised.

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