- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2016
Hi. I need help, not hate. I became engaged at age 40 and started my Doctorate program two months after the engagement. My fiancé knew I was accepted into the program before the engagement. My fiancé is a Doctor so he knows what is involved with obtaining this level of degree.
I was married for over 10 years to another gentleman but we grew apart and divorced many years before I met my fiancé. My prior husband and I remained acquaintances and do not have children. I kept my married last name because that is the name I received my Bachelors and Masters degree with, and that is the name I am professionally known by. I really did not feel a connection to my very long, very ethnic, maiden name and chose to keep my married name until I married again. I just assumed I would take take my fiancé’s usual name as my professional name and would graduate as Dr. Normal Name. it seems so simple.
Fast forward to now. I read an obituary that my ex-MIL passed away and the obit had my exe’s name with the new wife’s name in parentheses. That’s SOP but it hurt. I questioned why am I going to be Dr. Exeslastname that I now share with this woman? Needless to say I now do not see myself getting married before I graduate and do not want to share a last name with this person.
It seems to me that my options are to:
1. Take back my ethnic, horrible, long, maiden name, and be known professionally by this name for the rest of my life. The jokes are horrible.
2. Change my last name to to my fiancé’s Normal Name, then when we marry, I keep the name personally and professionally. I hesitate because there’s no guarantee that we will marry, and I’ll despise being saddled with that baggage.
3. Just choose a fabulous last name that I have no connection with. That way I owe no one anything. It’s my professional name.
Thanks for your thoughts. I hope to learn from experience. If you just merely have an opinion yet have no experience please don’t bother posting. I’ve heard it. Cheers friends!