Post # 1
I have 2 problem guests that I’m not sure what to do with!
Biggest problem is my future sister-in-law’s partner. They’ve been together 10 years and have a young son who will also be invited. I like him as a person but he suffers from terrible anxiety attacks and is a hypercondraic. Every time they try to go somewhere ‘new’ or ‘different’ he gets sick and doubles over in pain! He couldn’t even make to our house this weekend for an evening meal. Poor SIL2be is always showing up places on her own because she’s had to leave him in bed! He’s convinced his problem is medical/physcial rather than being in his head. SIL2be had lost all patience with him and is probably having same worries I am but hasn’t voiced them yet. My SIL2be’s (and H2B) family know exactly what he’s like and will probably sympathise but what to do you say? I know it sounds harsh but I’d be very annoyed to pay out for a meal/drinks etc on him when I know he might not make it! Wedding venue is about 20 minutes from their house too so it’s not like he has some massive terrifying journey ahead of him. He needs to pull himself together!
Second problem is the Best Man and his wife. Bridesmaid or Best Man is unreliable to the point where I want to punch him in the face. He has got soooo much worse since he married this horrible girl (long story!) – she is completely disinterested in me and my H2B and I’m pretty sure she goes out of her way to ensure Bridesmaid or Best Man doesn’t make meet ups. They showed up 3 hours late to our engagement party and left after an hour! I think she might be partly jealous as they got married superquick so had little time to save up whereas we have taken 3 years to save so we’re having a but more than them. So, I’m concerned Bridesmaid or Best Man will be completely useless and BM’s wife might not bother to show up!
How do you deal with people like this?
Post # 3
Well, it doesn’t sound to me like you have much choice in the matter. It’s not like you can leave them off of the invitations, so the best you can do is try to ignore them on your wedding day, and accept that one or both may be no-shows. Unfortunately, that’s the cost of keeping the peace with your new family, and your FH (in case of the BM).
Hopefully you’ll have so many other things to focus on that they won’t be an issue for you. Maybe you can let your Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids know your concerns, and it can be their job to keep them away from you that day, and intercede if they see you being annoyed by them directly.
Post # 4
I agree with notyourtypicalbride designate someone in your bridal party to be your “body guard” for the wedding day!!!
Post # 5
Very good idea!
Update – long, sorry!
Bridesmaid or Best Man was getting better at keeping arrangements and genuinely getting interested in our day (long overdue as we had to travel abroad for their wedding and as mentioned, they couldn’t even show up on time to our engagment party!). When we met up and asked about his wife (who didn’t show) he kept shrugging questions off and couldn’t even remember what date he got married on (only 6 months ago)! So we kind of came to the conclusion that he had wised up and realised he rushed into marrigae with someone he barely knew and was trying to make his crappy behaviour up to his friends. BUT his wife has just announced her pregnancy and he has dissappeared off face of the earth again. She will be heavily pregnant by the time our wedding comes round and I just know that she’ll now use it as a perfect excuse not to turn up but will still RSVP ‘Yes’ because shes 2 faced like that! I really wish I didn’t have to invite her – anyone else gone against ettiquette in this respect?
Better news – SIL’s partner is now on beta blockers for his anxiety which means he completely spaced out but at least he shows up places!
Post # 6
I’m glad he’s getting some help for his anxiety but I just wanted to say something about your first post. You wrote “He needs to pull himself together!”. I think what you should understand about anxiety disorders is that you can’t just pull yourself together. You need a lot of help and sometimes medication. He probably would love to attend your wedding and visit your house, but his disorder makes this difficult.
Post # 7
I understand as I have suffered from anxiety myself in the past. When I said he needs to “pull himself together” I meant he needs to go and get professional help and stop it ruining his life – he was missing out on a lot (including his young son) just because he wouldn’t accept he had a problem.