(Closed) “Problem” in bed

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

What about using the toys together?

This could be physiological, or psychological.. I’m not really sure the best course for him to take, in terms of going to a doctor or whatever… but if you encourage him to share intimacy with you in other ways, it might help him feel better.

Post # 4
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Tell him to slow down and take his time. If he keeps going at a fast rate, ejaculation is GOING to happen.

OR…hop on top! Men last a lot longer when a woman is on top.

Post # 5
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’ve heard of guys using a condom to cut down on the pleasure sensation. He could use one from the beginning to the middle of intersourse and then towards the end (or at least when you’ve had a few orgasms) take it off so he can “finish”.

Is this something that might help?

Post # 6
1365 posts
Bumble bee

All of the above!

Post # 10
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

try a cock ring, ive read that it can help a guy hold off from coming and they come with various vibrator/stimulators as well so some fun for you too – goodluck!

Post # 11
361 posts
Helper bee

Or try a numbing cream. It’ll dull the sensation that he recieves, prolonging the experience for you both. 

Post # 12
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

The important thing about sex is that you guys both feel good at the end of it, whether that’s from the ideal Cinderella PIV simultaneous orgasms, “parallel” orgasms, or one of you enjoying indulging the other. If he’s having trouble lasting long enough for you to come PIV style, then by all means try the tips that previous posters have provided for him to be able to wait longer. BUT — simultaneously, you could also decenter the role of PIV in your love-making. When he comes before you do, that doesn’t mean that he or you can’t help to finish you off one way or the other, even if that’s you(or a toy) doing most of the work while he tells you how hot it is to watch you, etc.

In short — he can work on lasting longer, without the sense that it’s a *failure* for him not to last as long as you’d like — more like if your partner really wanted to try something in the Kama Sutra, you’d work on getting more flexible, because it’ll be fun to work into your routine. The point is that you both get there, and have FUN doing it! No one gets points for orthodox form. 😉

Post # 13
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@infamous-kei: Have him try male kegel exercises. My husband does this (though he really doesn’t need to but he just always has since he learned about it) and suggests it to his friends who have this issue. It’s basically the same as kegels for women. When he goes to use the restroom, he should try stopping/pausing while urinating. I guess it builds up the muscles and makes it so he can last longer/ be able to hold it off while in the middle of sex.

I was actually able to find this article on it: http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_60/67_love_tip.html

Hope this helps.


Post # 14
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

maybe this is tmi, but i had two ex boyfriends who were the same way, and i would just have them cum and then stay inside me.  If no one moved so it slipped out they would end up getting hard again within a few minutes and we could continue having sex. 

They were both able to cum twice this way, which is ironic since the urban legend is that guys can’t and women can and I have NEVER been able to do that, lol.  It worked for both of them, so this may be either a hidden and unexplored talent men have, or a function of how horny young men are (we were all 22ish at the time).

Post # 15
11391 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Have you tried not just “doing it” the whole time? As in stopping a few times for some other play & kissing. 

Post # 16
2893 posts
Sugar bee

Too Much Information alert again. My guy can finish really quick if he isn’t super slow. And I usually don’t go about things super slow. And even going slow he can finish within a minute. Honestly, it’s never been an issue for me. Part of that is because once he’s finished he doesn’t go soft. Literally. It’s not like a done, soft, then hard again. It’s like he has viagra pumping through his system. Sorry. 🙂 So we end up having sex twice EVERY time and the second time lasts significantly longer (like 30 minutes, significantly longer) because he already finished once.

Perhaps you guys could double up whenever you do do it? Finishing once significantly decreases sensitivity and will help for a longer more satisfying round two.

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