(Closed) Problem in the….ermh….bedroom

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

hmmm… this may seem like an odd question, but is your SO healthy? sometimes when guys are not in shape or eat very poorly it can effect their ability to ya know… set sail as you put it lol

i wouldn’t jump to conclusions about all of that without talking to him about it first – you’ll drive yourself crazy! him not going to the doctor could be as a result of embarassment too…

**i’m editing this here!!** i mention the health issue because my Fiance is a type 1 diabetic and when his blood sugars are out of whack (result of eating poorly or not exercising) it can be an issue for him.

Post # 4
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Here’s some reading that may help:

http://www.webmd.com/erectile-dysfunction/guide/ed-supporting-your-partner

http://www.webmd.com/erectile-dysfunction/guide/erectile-dysfunction-overview-facts

This can be a complicated issue (or it may just be a phase), so I’d inform yourself as much as you can and then let him take the lead.  You can only encourage him to go to the MD, but you can’t make him do it, you know?

Post # 5
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

The two broad categories of why men have ED issues are because of organic issues (physical problems in the body – blood flow, hormones, etc) or psychogenic issues (the emotional part of it).  

I would definitely encourage him to see a physician, particularly if this has just recently became a problem.  I would let him know that you are worried about him and want to make sure that he is okay.  Approach him at a time when you are not trying to be physical, and reassure him that it’s okay, it won’t affect how you feel about him, etc.

Although easier said than done, try not to make conclusions about what is causing this.  

 

Edit: You can’t force him to go see a physician, only make a recommendation of course 🙂

Post # 6
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I imagine that the reason he won’t talk about it is because he is embarrassed. That region of the body had a huge psychological connection for most men. You’re sitting here thinking is it me, is he cheating, etc and he’s probably stressing out as well…is she going to cheat on me because I can’t satisfy her, is this ever going to stop, etc?

I imagine that you are otherwise in a normal/healthy/happy relationship, right? In my  experience I have found that it takes a lot for a man to just go limp all of a sudden…ie ligit medical/health problem and not being unattracted to you or getting his kicks elsewhere.

I know this is a really crappy thing for you to be dealing with, but it’s gotta stink for him as well. Be supportive and see if there’s a way you can bring up the conversation without letting him drop the subject. Do a little research online so you have some facts to back you up your side of the convo. Don’t try to scare him, but maybe understanding why you’re worried will get him to consider seeing a dr more seriously.

Good Luck,!

 

 

Post # 7
Member
640 posts
Busy bee

Maybe he’s nervous because he is going to propose soon? Or under a lot of stress at school/work? When guys are young and have those problems its normally do to stress (physical/emotional). You know how guys are, it may take some prodding to figure out whats going on but I’m sure you’ll figure it out! 

Post # 8
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

GINSENG! Im telling you it works! I buy them for $1 from the asian supermarket and Fiance has been drinking it instead of his daily redbull for 3 days already and he’s been lasting a whole lot longer then ever before, its suppose to increase stamina and overall health

Post # 9
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I agree with emily.. maybe its the nervousness!

Post # 10
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

You should tell him to go see the doctor. If he’s a healthy guy it’s probably not related to anything medical but better to know than not.

Honestly, it’s probably stress. It sounds like you guys have a lot going on and with other pressures it’s probably hard for him to concentrate and get into it. It’s very common! It doesn’t mean he’s cheating on you or not attracted to you. Just talk to him calmly about it and don’t make a huge deal about it. You’ll get past it! 

Post # 11
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

This happened to an ex of mine when we had just started dating. He was embarrassed and I didn’t want to bring it up because we weren’t together very long but then one day he called me and told me he just got back from the doctors and there was some reason his circulation was blocked which the doctor was able to fix and he was fine. It was a small medical issue. Tell him to go see a doctor and hopefully it will be solved!

Post # 12
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I think if you are in a long term relationship with someone you need to be able to discuss any issues, this included. How long have you been together? If you’ve been intimate for a while, there’s really no reason for him to be so reluctant to discuss it. So I would keep talking to him about it and make him understand that he can’t avoid discussing these types of issues with you. Don’t let him “refuse” to discuss it. Whatever you decide to do, I would not let this problem drag out for a long time – you are setting a precedent for the rest of your lives, and you make it clear that you won’t accept him avoiding problems like this. 

Post # 13
Member
348 posts
Helper bee

On a different note, there’s no need for this issue to keep you two from having lots of fun in bed.  And knowing that you can fool around in all sorts of other ways might take some of the psychological pressure off him, if that’s an issue.

Post # 14
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

PS I think guys often put off going to the Dr. or taking care of themselves, not just with sexual issues but for anything. My Fiance often needs an extra push from me. I think this is one subject where being annoying and hounding him until he actually makes the appt and goes to see the Dr. is a good idea. 

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