Post # 1
Here’s my problem with my Maid/Matron of Honor..
I got engaged 3 months ago, June 22, 2011. I still have not officially asked any of my BM’s or my Maid/Matron of Honor to be in my wedding because I am trying to figure out my last Bridesmaid or Best Man. My friend who I have known since 3rd grade will be my Maid/Matron of Honor. I have hinted at it and made comments that I’m pretty sure she has figured it out. We were supposed to get together for breakfast where I was going to ask her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, but plans fell through. That same day I was reading a magazine that had an article on getting 2 free tickets to a bridal expo that happens once a year in a city about an hour from us, so I asked her if she would like to go with me. The expo at the time was about a month later, and she immediately said yes, she would love to go and it would be fun.
Tonight, I texted her asking if she would be able to hang out this next week (so I could ask her to be my MOH) and she told me she was busy all week. She does work a full-time job and also a part-time waitressing job. I am always understanding of people having busy schedules, as my fiance has 1 day off a week, if he’s lucky. So anyways, when she said she was busy this next week I asked her what her schedule was, and she sent me her hours with an additional comment saying, “My mom has off Sunday and since I never see her she wants to go shopping with me.” I would normally understand, but Sunday is the BRIDAL EXPO!!!!!! I told her I have a wedding to plan and she’s blowing me off to shop with her mom. I also explained that this expo is once a year, and though she has a busy schedule she already made these plans with me weeks ago!! I told her if she is too busy then I might not be able to have her in the spot I would like for her in my wedding. She said whatever, I was being rude and that if it were the other way around she would understand. I told her if it were the other way around that she would realize the expo is once a year. Next year it will be too late to go, as my wedding would be two months away. I also told her canceling plans was rude and she can go shopping any day of the year.
Now I’m not sure what to do, I can ask someone else to go with me to the expo, but her attitude as if its no big deal hurts my feelings. I told her weeks ago about this and she seemed so excited. I am worried if I do officially ask her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor she will be too busy for my entire wedding and planning process. I wish she would understand that this was a big deal to me. Do you think this is an idea of how it will be in my future wedding planning process with her? Any suggestions for what to do now would be great!!
Post # 3
I do agree that breaking plans are bad form sometimes, but things happen. And I do understand that her lack of apologetic attitude is inconsiderate but really, I’m not sure what you can do about it now. Take someone else and have a blast! (Win me something!!) See how you feel about it in a few days before you make you decision on bridesmaids! Maybe find some time to go to lunch with her and make sure that she knows your expectations if you do decide to keep her in the wedding party.
Post # 4
Family takes precidence over friends. If she really doesn’t see her mom that often, I don’t blame her. But could she possibly hang out with her mom before or after the expo and fit both things in? Regardless, I don’t think her not being able to go with you to the expo should any baring on your decision to make her Maid/Matron of Honor. Like you said, she’s busy. Unless she’s habitually flakey, too, I would say that’s not a good enough reason to exclude someone you care about from your wedding party. Invite someone else to the expo, and make other wedding related plans with her for another time.
Post # 5
@katiebee3: You probably should go with your Fiance or mom to bridal shows anyways. If I was someones Bridesmaid or Best Man or Maid/Matron of Honor I wouldn’t want to go to a bridal expo with them, they aren’t that fun. She also gave you a weeks notice to find someone else, so I dont feel like she is blowing you off. I might be a tad disappointed but I wouldn’t demote her from being my future Maid/Matron of Honor, or exclude her to not even in the bridal party over it… If you have high expectations for your Maid/Matron of Honor and BM’s to be there every step of the way planning your wedding with(or for) you then don’t choose her though. IMO bridesmaids should be about more than what they can do for you.
Post # 6
Sorry other’s lives doe not stop around your wedding and I agree family comes before friends. It sucks she can’t go but you both were rude about it. I would if I were you take your Fiance as another PP suggested. This is a time for you and him to scope out venders.
Post # 7
I’m sure she didnt intend for you to get hurt about this, and she probably forgot about the bridal expo. Also your wedding is not for a while, you have plenty of time to plan!
Post # 8
You can easily plan a wedding without her coming to the Expo with you!
Post # 9
You have been friends with this girl since the 3rd grade. Has she always been like this? or has her attitude changed recently? That might be a factor in my decision.
I understand you are upset, I would be too. One thing I cannot stand is someone breaking plans with me. I used to have a best friend who did that all the time. On the last occassion I totally rearranged my schedule last minute to accommodate her visit, then she didn’t even come. She made plans with someone else last minute. I haven’t talked to her since. She never called to apologize, and I never called her either. It’s sad, but I was tired of always being her back up friend.
sometimes it takes things like a wedding or other life-changing events to see friends for who they really are.
If this was a rare occurrance with your friend, then i’d say not to worry about it. You should both apologize for how you acted with each other and move on.
Post # 10
Go with someone else to the expo. I’m sure another friend or family member would love to go. Your Maid/Matron of Honor sounds like she is working her butt off and she might not be able to do things at your beck and call. But she will be standing up for you at your wedding because she is your best friend. That should be the only thing that matters.
If she is that busy, she probably doesn’t see her family that much either. You should be more understanding of that. You sound like you are being a bit selfish about this. Life doesn’t stop happenig because you are getting married.
Post # 11
Thanks for the advice.. I think my concerns are that she will be too busy to be able to help me with wedding plans in the future. She does tend to be a more flaky person lately, and the expo example is just one of many. My concerns are not so much that she canceled plans with me for the expo, but more so that if in the future I make plans with her, it might be a bigger deal then if she bails again. Just thinking a Maid/Matron of Honor should be there for you.. not that the world stops for me but she should understand that I need the support.
Also, I’m not so sure how happy she is for me that I recently got engaged.. as if she is jealous and until she experiences it for herself, she won’t understand.