(Closed) Problem with FMIL get worst!!!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2965 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Misery loves company… this sounds like the case. I don’t get along with FI’s mom either but because she is a very selfish, lying, manipulative person. I know you are trying to understand why she is this way but sometimes things aren’t meant to be understood. I can’t understand why FI’s mom is the way she is but I’ve tried to stop understanding because I’ve realized she is not normal. E-hugs to you and I am so sorry you are going through this. What does Fiance have to say about all this?

Post # 4
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee

Your Future Mother-In-Law sounds seriously unstable. It sucks for both of you that you’re dealing with this.

I am of the belief that just because someone is family, it doesn’t give them permission to treat you like shit.  I value and love my family, but I would never tolerate being treated like that by anyone.

I think your Fiance needs to stand up for himself. If she is making him that miserable and unhappy, then perhaps he doesn’t need her in his life.  A good place to start would be to move out.  He wouldn’t be the first person to cut his mother out of his life.

I have a friend whose mother is equally, perhaps even more, crazy.  Her, and most of her 8 siblings just said enough, and don’t even answer the phone when she calls with her special brand crazy.

You won’t change her–only she can do that. The only thing you can change is your response.  Really, he needs to put some distance between himself and her, and moving out would be a start.

Post # 5
Member
2577 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Sounds like a Jocasta complex.

Why, oh why can these crazy women not let go?????

Post # 6
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Get a job offer in a different state.

Post # 8
Member
1224 posts
Bumble bee

@butterfly1988:  A family wedding is this weekend and I was invited but decided it was best if I didn’t go to avoid problems with her. This morning as they were leaving to rhode island for the wedding they were arguing and she felt on the floor…my Fiance called 911 but she asked for him to hang up. She then complained about chest pains…my Fiance is worried sick about her and I am really getting angry and frustrated. 

God. I could’ve written this. My mom has done something similar- she’ll get high on pills and then get pissed at everyone for no reason. Like, raging literally ALL NIGHT and throwing things pissed. She always says during this she wishes her and my dad would just get a divorce. Finally, my dad told her, “Fine, we’ll get a divorce if that’s what you want.” The moment he was walking out the door, she fell on the floor screaming she was having a heart attack, but when my dad went to call an ambulance, she kept yelling at him not to call anyone and just let her die because everyone would be happier. They finally took her to the hospital, and there wasn’t a damn thing wrong with her. She was just pissed that my dad might actually walk out and stop putting up with her bullshit. She was eventually diagnosed with borderline personality disorder- is that possible that’s what your Future Mother-In-Law has?It sounds like your Fiance is the target of her rage, like I was for my mom for a while (she blamed me for the reason her and my dad’s marriage was failing, even though everyone else knew her pill addiction was the problem). Of course, all of this ended when I finally put my foot down- I threatened to leave her stranded thirty miles away from home because I refused to be stuck in a car where I could be her verbal punching bag. Once she realized I was done enabling her to belittle me and make me feel bad, she stopped taking her rage out on me and calmed down.

I’m not sure what to tell you besides to talk to your Fiance. Decide whether this is a dealbreaker if she keeps acting like this- she may be his mother but there’s no law that says he can’t cut her out of his life if she doesn’t start acting right. You may need to give him an ultimatum- it’s you or her drama, one of them has to go. But you NEED to have this discussion before you get married; you need to decide where the boundaries of parental involvement in your lives ends. Are you going to be spending every Friday night with her? Then she needs to straighten up. Are you only going to see her on Christmasnd Thanksgiving? Then maybe you could handle her for two days out of the year. But this is something you need to have an open, honest discussion with your SO about.

Post # 9
Member
5109 posts
Bee Keeper

Geez, I’m so sorry for all you are going through!

Post # 10
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Get married and move away from her. She will not let go of her son, obviously she has an emotional disorder that she has to deal with. Unfortunatelly, there is nothing you two can do about it. If you want to make sure that she does not ruin your wedding day, maybe consider eloping. 

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