Post # 1
Hello bees…I need to vent big time. I posted something about my Future Mother-In-Law about two weeks ago. I mentioned how she does not like me at all and has refused to speak to her son on several occasions bc of me. According to her he has chose wrong. A little background for those that don’t know my story. My Fiance and I have been together almost 9 years. I’m 24 and he is 26. His mom has always been actively involved in his life. He still lives with her…she is a single parent and has gone through quite a lot. Anyways as soon as me and her son got engaged she got very upset at him and told him that I was not fit to be a wife or mother. She has done this to her other two sons as well, and they decided to elope. I’m not sure if she is bipolar or suffers from something but she acts strange at times when she doesn’t get her way. Giving her son the silent treatment is not the only thing she has done…she has also said how unsupportive I have been and when my Fiance tries to speak to her she cries and tells him nobody cares for her. A family wedding is this weekend and I was invited but decided it was best if I didn’t go to avoid problems with her. This morning as they were leaving to rhode island for the wedding they were arguing and she felt on the floor…my Fiance called 911 but she asked for him to hang up. She then complained about chest pains…my Fiance is worried sick about her and I am really getting angry and frustrated. I though about taking the calm route with her. I will continue to act nice and acknowledge her but I’ve had enough of her!!! I’m so hurt beyond words and what really bothers me is the fact that she does not care about her sons happiness!!! He is so stressed that he is not eating or sleeping. I have become so resentful towards her. I have a feeling she is trying so hard to ruin my marriage before it even starts…ok bees what do I do? 🙁 I am so sad that I just want to sleep and cry all day. I was so excited for this weekend to perhaps mend things with her but it’s impossible. It has always been impossible..
Post # 3
Misery loves company… this sounds like the case. I don’t get along with FI’s mom either but because she is a very selfish, lying, manipulative person. I know you are trying to understand why she is this way but sometimes things aren’t meant to be understood. I can’t understand why FI’s mom is the way she is but I’ve tried to stop understanding because I’ve realized she is not normal. E-hugs to you and I am so sorry you are going through this. What does Fiance have to say about all this?
Post # 4
Your Future Mother-In-Law sounds seriously unstable. It sucks for both of you that you’re dealing with this.
I am of the belief that just because someone is family, it doesn’t give them permission to treat you like shit. I value and love my family, but I would never tolerate being treated like that by anyone.
I think your Fiance needs to stand up for himself. If she is making him that miserable and unhappy, then perhaps he doesn’t need her in his life. A good place to start would be to move out. He wouldn’t be the first person to cut his mother out of his life.
I have a friend whose mother is equally, perhaps even more, crazy. Her, and most of her 8 siblings just said enough, and don’t even answer the phone when she calls with her special brand crazy.
You won’t change her–only she can do that. The only thing you can change is your response. Really, he needs to put some distance between himself and her, and moving out would be a start.
Post # 5
Sounds like a Jocasta complex.
Why, oh why can these crazy women not let go?????
Post # 6
Get a job offer in a different state.
Post # 7
Thank you all for the comforting words…i got home from work today and i really couldnt prevent myself from crying. Its been such a rollercoster of emotions. I havent really mentioned this to my family as they will be very devastated and of course not to add more problems to this. My Fiance is angry at her for saying these things to him and he is not willing to speak to her unless she is a grown up about it. He is thinking of seeking some help elsewhere for her. He has a feeling that as soon as he moves out she will have a heart attack or even try to do something to herself to prevent him from leaving. As crazy as all of this may sound…my Fiance has been so patient hearing me talk about this and he is so supportive of us moving far away as soon as we get married. He is also starting to resent her a little too…she is so manipulative. I never thought this could happen. He is so sad that our engagement so far has not been the one people usually have. I cant even talk about wedding plans when all of this is happening. My Fiance is at a beautiful wedding right now without me…because of her…I am afraid she will eventually give herself a heart attack just because she wants him near him. what to do in a situation like this? I am supposed to be looking a wedding venues and a dress. But i cant bring myself to do that…not after seen my Fiance so down.
Post # 8
@butterfly1988: A family wedding is this weekend and I was invited but decided it was best if I didn’t go to avoid problems with her. This morning as they were leaving to rhode island for the wedding they were arguing and she felt on the floor…my Fiance called 911 but she asked for him to hang up. She then complained about chest pains…my Fiance is worried sick about her and I am really getting angry and frustrated.
God. I could’ve written this. My mom has done something similar- she’ll get high on pills and then get pissed at everyone for no reason. Like, raging literally ALL NIGHT and throwing things pissed. She always says during this she wishes her and my dad would just get a divorce. Finally, my dad told her, “Fine, we’ll get a divorce if that’s what you want.” The moment he was walking out the door, she fell on the floor screaming she was having a heart attack, but when my dad went to call an ambulance, she kept yelling at him not to call anyone and just let her die because everyone would be happier. They finally took her to the hospital, and there wasn’t a damn thing wrong with her. She was just pissed that my dad might actually walk out and stop putting up with her bullshit. She was eventually diagnosed with borderline personality disorder- is that possible that’s what your Future Mother-In-Law has?It sounds like your Fiance is the target of her rage, like I was for my mom for a while (she blamed me for the reason her and my dad’s marriage was failing, even though everyone else knew her pill addiction was the problem). Of course, all of this ended when I finally put my foot down- I threatened to leave her stranded thirty miles away from home because I refused to be stuck in a car where I could be her verbal punching bag. Once she realized I was done enabling her to belittle me and make me feel bad, she stopped taking her rage out on me and calmed down.
I’m not sure what to tell you besides to talk to your Fiance. Decide whether this is a dealbreaker if she keeps acting like this- she may be his mother but there’s no law that says he can’t cut her out of his life if she doesn’t start acting right. You may need to give him an ultimatum- it’s you or her drama, one of them has to go. But you NEED to have this discussion before you get married; you need to decide where the boundaries of parental involvement in your lives ends. Are you going to be spending every Friday night with her? Then she needs to straighten up. Are you only going to see her on Christmasnd Thanksgiving? Then maybe you could handle her for two days out of the year. But this is something you need to have an open, honest discussion with your SO about.
Post # 9
Geez, I’m so sorry for all you are going through!
Post # 10
Get married and move away from her. She will not let go of her son, obviously she has an emotional disorder that she has to deal with. Unfortunatelly, there is nothing you two can do about it. If you want to make sure that she does not ruin your wedding day, maybe consider eloping.