(Closed) Problems with a small guest list…

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
4036 posts
Honey bee

Small and intimate- you don’t have to invite people you haven’t spoken to in 12 years.  Invite people you are close to and see/talk to all the time. My daughter and SIL invited 6 of 8 of their aunt/uncle couples. They don’t even have the addresses, of the univnited two; they haven’t had any contact with them for years. Two of the 6 didn’t even acknowledge the wedding with a congralutaory e-mail or card. Only 2 of the 6 attended, anyway – the ones they communicate with.

Post # 3
7310 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

We went with inviting none on one side and both on the other. I have 9 aunts/uncles, and each of them have a spouse. We had a small (35 person guest list) wedding, and decided that we didn’t want to increase it by 50% just to invite all of my aunts/uncles. So we invited Mr. LK’s aunt and uncle (2 of his 3 living relatives),  but none of mine. Truth be told, i do think that our decision had a negative impact on my relationship with my aunts/uncles. i decided that I was okay with that outcome because it was the right decision for us.

Post # 4
1243 posts
Bumble bee

Those aunts/uncles that you haven’t spoken to in 12 years, disappear again after the wedding. You are not obligated to invite them. It’s an intimate wedding, not a family reunion.

Post # 5
520 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

luebella123:  I’m inviting all of mine because my family is very small and close and my total guest count is still only 17.

My fiance has sooooo many but we ar eonly inviting the one and her family that he is close with. they grew up together as next door neighbours. no one is really making a fuss. If people dont understand that they arent invited because you havnt spoken in 12 years who care? you don’t speak to them anyways?

Post # 6
1936 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Personally, I feel like weddings and funerals are the only acceptable times in which an estranged FAMILY member is allowed to reach out to you. Weddings are centered around family, you know? Some of them may be using it as an excuse to get back in touch and that’s lovely, :). Some are probably just nosy, but I think those special times are when those people you haven’t kept it in touch with get a bit of a reality check. Now, I don’t extend this philosophy to old friends – just family members. My cousin and I used to be so close, but we fell apart. I don’t even know why. We just phased each other out. I had every intention of inviting her to my wedding or reaching out to her to tell her the news and see if she wanted to be apart of it. She’s getting married this month and didn’t invite me. It hurts, eye, but I still plan to invit her. Maybe I’m a cheeseball, but I just think it’s always ok to include family.

Post # 9
7371 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Xu:  Those aunts/uncles that you haven’t spoken to in 12 years, disappear again after the wedding. You are not obligated to invite them. It’s an intimate wedding, not a family reunion

Exactly! I can’t stand that. If you aren’t pressed to reconnect pre or post wedding, whats the point of having you there? To me weddings should not be family reunions. 

Post # 10
698 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

luebella123:  Don’t feel pressured to invite them if you don’t want to! We invited all of our aunts & uncles because we had a bigger wedding (200 people), even though there were a few that I’m definitely not close to and didn’t want to invite. Sure enough, they all came, enjoyed their free meal, and after the fact? We only hear from the ones we are close to, and not the others. 

Post # 12
927 posts
Busy bee

We invited some aunts/uncles but not all. If my uncle I never speak to that Darling Husband has met once, or DH’s relatives that I’ve never met got offended over it, I didn’t care in the slightest. But also our parents didn’t care to invite them so that helped. 

Post # 13
927 posts
Busy bee

“Is it terrible and tacky to invite people for the reception and not the ceremony?”

The advice I’ve seen on here is that the other way around (ceremony but not reception) is rude. So, probably not terrible but I wouldn’t do it. 

Post # 14
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

We had a small wedding.  I didn’t invite two of my mom’s brothers and their families.  One uncle has been horrible to my mother for years, the other turned in to a jerk to her over my grandmother’s will.  I didn’t want them there and don’t feel bad about inviting other aunts and uncles that I do have a good relationship with.

Post # 15
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I wouldn’t expand guest list that much for distant family members. Just tell them that the venue space is limited and you are not able to invite the aunts and uncles. If they’re not close to you, I don’t know why they are making such a big deal. 

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