(Closed) Problems with family friend. Please Help!

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2603 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Ultimately, I guess that what you are weighing here is maintaining a relationship with a person you don’t like or appreciate, and who has been disrespectful to you, because they are a historical connection to your mother. And that is a powerful thing. 

So the simple answer is, no, I don’t think you need this woman or her family at your wedding, but the complex problem within that is if you don’t invite her or her family, are you essentially severing the relationship (and a connection to your mother’s past)? I’m not sure if this is the “right” advice, but IF you want to preserve the relationship but not have her at this particular event right now, I think that you might be able to go to her directly and air your grievances in a polite, matter-of-fact way, framing your wedding as not the “breaking point,” but simply an event that’s occuring at a rough time in your relationship and therefore you can’t have her there. Tell her that you are insulted by her DH’s comments about your sis’ boyfriend’s race (I wouldn’t mention the bathroom stuff)–which is certainly inappropriate and VERY disrespectful, and hurt by her daughter’s behavior. You can talk to her about the Asperger’s comment as well. Basically, cite all the things that she’s done to drive you away and explain that’s why you don’t feel comfortable about her presence at the wedding. You can, however, do this with the suggestion that the door is open if she wants to shape up in the future. 

That’s only necessary, however, if you want her to have a chance of a relationship in the future–if you don’t care, then don’t invite her. 

(Honestly, I can’t make heads or tails of her behavior, but she sounds a bit like a beaten-down, possibly battered woman to me)

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