(Closed) Problems with potential MIL

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Sorry to be anal. Mother is matriarch, father is patriarch. How far away do you live? Distance is your friend in this situation 

Post # 3
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: Kauai

I’m sorry to hear about this! I am so grateful for my wondeful Mother-In-Law.

I think this is your boyfriend’s responsibility. He needs to convey to her that you are the person he plans on spending his life with (that’s the plan, right?) It’s not your job to win her over – would you expect him to win over your mother? Within reason, of course – this is beyond that. Are there any reasons she should be doubting your relationship? Moms can’t help but be protective. Maybe she sees something that you aren’t aware of, and you need to patch up?

Best of luck to you and your boyfriend as you work through this together.

Post # 6
Member
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

My first response was a bit short, I didn’t type much before my take out order was ready. 

That is too close for comfort. The boyfriend needs to sit and have a long heart to heart with his mother. It is unfair for him to have two families. What if you have children together? the threat to not attend the wedding sounds empty. Whatever her issue is, it needs to be taken care of before things get worse. As she is unwilling to meet with you, it is up to the boyfriend.

Post # 7
Hostess
7547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I don’t think anyone ever really has in law problems…it’s more a problem of our significant others not setting proper boundaries with their parents. Your boyfriend needs to tell her that her behavior is not appropriate. It’s pretty concerning to me that he’s taking time to think about it.

Post # 8
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Honestly, it sounds like your boyfriend is siding with his mom. It’s true that some couples make it work even when they don’t get along with the other’s family, but the common denominator in those relationships is that the partner stands up against his family and limits contact. Otherwise it will cause you a lot of stress and drive a wedge between you. Since you aren’t engaged at this point I would use your break time to explore your options and think about if you really want to sign up for a lifetime of her ridiculous antics.

Post # 9
Member
5866 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

View original reply
AlwaysSunny:  +1

Sounds like your Mother-In-Law is scared you are going to take her little boy away.  I don’t think there is anything YOU can do, but your boyfriend has the opportunity to make an impact by standing up to her.  If she truly wants him to to be happy, she’ll come around.

Not fun though.  I feel for you.

Post # 10
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: Kauai

Keep doing what you’re doing – trying to win her over with charm. Don’t stoop.

Let your SO know what a tight spot she’s put you in, while, naturally, being charming and delightful. 😉 Maybe he has no idea his mom needs some confirmation that you’re a great catch. Just don’t make him choose sides!

Post # 11
Member
925 posts
Busy bee

I’m curious what this tradition is that you declined?

How can there be so many crazy MILs? Makes me wonder if I’ll be a crazy Mother-In-Law in 30 or 40 years!

Post # 13
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

I need more info. What did you take a stand on? Why do you think it caused her to flip? What does your BF have to say about this? Has he talked to his mother about how she treats you? 

Post # 14
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
AlwaysSunny:  
View original reply
cbgg:  +100000… OP, what these ladies said!!! It’s your SO’s job to set boundaries with his mother. And also, another poster said that distance is your friend… also excellent advice! Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

View original reply
AlwaysSunny:  Totally agree. The problems are with the partner not standing up to the family.

I love my family dearly, but they can be a bit overzealous. They are from a different culture than FI’s family, and will tell you what they bluntly think. Fiance cares for them, but sometimes I can tell he’s had his fill, and I’ll run interference. I want my family to be happy, but it’s not FI’s job to deal with them, it’s mine.

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