Problems with wedding date

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
10275 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I do think it’s unfair of your sister to block off an entire season during which she’s unwilling to make it work. Would February even work for her, taxes aren’t due until mid-April. 

Post # 3
Member
5098 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
bigsrve1aj :  would you be more upset having a date later than your choosing or having your family not there?

Your dad should not have given you an ultimatum but your sister was honest and upfront about her predicament. I have close family who are accountants and April/May is their busy time which means no holidays to be taken in those months. You sister is probably spot on about her availability. 

If you want your sister there then you are going to have to move dates. Why is your fiancé digging their heels in on a date for your wedding if they know not having your sister there will take away a little bit of your joy on the day?? If you just want your wedding day to be about the couple only…you’d have a just you two type wedding. If you want guests and family to be there to participate then you need to consider the availability of the ‘we really want them there’ guests.

Post # 4
Member
1823 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I think you should start by having your sister actually find out if she could get the time off/not have to work that particular weekend.  If her new employer says she must work that date, then I would personally try to find a different date that could work.  But if your sister can not attend any event from Jan-April, then your father needs to get over himself and realize that this is your wedding, not hers.  (I called my siblings to double check that they were ok with my chosen wedding date before putting down a deposit, but that was because it was incredibly important to me that they attend.)  If your sister hasn’t actually asked for the time yet though, this may all be a fuss for no reason.

Post # 6
Member
7660 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m confused about the February or March dates as those months are still in tax season (assuming your in the US).

To be honest, I think you should have talked to everyone you wanted there prior to selecting a date but what’s done is done. Can your sister actually talk to her employer to see what options she has? My dad is an accountant so I absolutely understand the tax season crunch but surely if you have an early evening wedding (don’t know your current plans but this could be a compromise) she can leave a few hours early even if she can’t take the whole day off.

If she says she is unwilling to bend at all during tax season, I would just keep the date and move forward. I don’t think anyone should be able to block out four months of the year like that and expect you to accommodate.

Post # 7
Member
14095 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I work for a major accounting firm, and there are specific periods of the year where the tax and audit practice basically do not get vacation time.  This is just a fact of life in this field.  That being said, if your wedding is local, I bet she could work it out to at least be present for the ceremony and reception, even if she can’t get the whole weekend off for the event.  In the event that she can’t get the time off, though, your dad just needs to reconigze that this is an issue outside of your control and that you’ll miss your sister being there, but it can’t hold up the wedding.

Post # 8
Member
5098 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
bigsrve1aj :  why is your fiancé so insistent on the date when her brother and your sister have to perform cartwheels to be there? Her brother will have to incur extra costs to be there…

Every one has different family dynamics and kevels of closeness but is your fiancé always this stubborn when things can be changed around easily? Your venue has said you can change the date without incurring a financial penalty. What gives??

Post # 10
Member
4905 posts
Honey bee

Your first mistake was not considering your VIPs when picking a date. It’s the first rule of party planning. If you have people who are non-negotiable that you want to be there then you consider them when you’re picking your date. It’s okay if your sister isn’t a VIP to you.

Also when you work in a seasonal industry it is very common for your employer to have blackout dates. In the u.s. for most tax preparers and or tax attorneys these blackout dates are usually from January 1st through mid to late April. That’s just life. That’s not necessarily sister being a unaccommodating b****. She has to prioritize her livelihood over a party.

So at this point you have to decide what your priority is. Is your priority having all of your family there? Or is your priority a season? You are well within your rights to prioritize a season. But then you need to be prepared to deal with the fallout of that.  Most people do not take too kindly to being told that they are less important than a season, even if you are well within your rights to prioritize it that way.

So that may mean having to stand up to your dad and say that you’re an adult and have to make decisions on behalf of you and your partner. It may mean you have to make changes to your plans and have your wedding either earlier in the day or later in the day if you really really want her there for the whole thing. It may mean you have to be fine that your sister misses some of it and maybe she just joins for the last part of the reception. But the main point is you just need to be an adult and learn to stand by your decisions and people will react how they are going to react. You can’t stop that.

Post # 11
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

January is awfully close. How far are you into plans? If your fiance wants a winter wedding, would December be an option? I personally couldn’t see my sister not being there. For our “official” wedding, it was between July (what would be our actual anniversary) and October (my favorite month). I preferred July for sentiment, but when I found out my sister was pregnant and due quite close to my date, I opted for October. It all depends on what your priorities are. (That’s not meant to shame you at all if you keep your date, only meaning that what matters most is what is important to you)

Post # 12
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee

January is really early in tax season. If your wedding is in the evening, she should be able to attend even if she has to work that weekend.

Post # 13
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I work in tax in a major accounting firm. While it wouldn’t really be a possibility to take an elective vacation during that time, usually things such as weddings and funerals (where the timing is outside of your control) are exceptions to the blackout dates. I understand your sister’s worry (I was like that when I first started my career too) would she have the option to work extra hours before and after the wedding to make up for it? Also if the wedding is in-town that should help. 

Post # 14
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I worked in tax before and January is still pretty early in the season so I’m not sure why your sister cannot put in a request in advance for your wedding. She really shouldn’t have that much of an issue. It doesn’t get busy until February I would say. But really late March/Early April. Unless she is your maid of honor, she would only have to sacrifice that Saturday. And she can make arrangements beforehand to mitigate her work load.  

Post # 15
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

I  think it’s a bit weird that your dad is making such a statement about it. Does he normally make stands like that? 

Tax season doesn’t end until April…so I don’t really see why push it back until March. It’s not like she’ll be more available? If you’re going to push it back you might as well push it back until May.

I imagine invites have already been sent too? 

 

 

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