Problems with wedding date

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Sounds like bigger issues at play here. 
Why would your dad be so set on this?  Is he looking for a reason to not attend? 
And why is your fiance so fixed on this date with no flexibility?  Is she angry about something/fighting for respect in your family? 
I can kind of understand your sister panicking about a new job but I am sure she could request a few hours/day off for your wedding. 
I guess I am just trying to understand why this is such a big deal?

Post # 17
Member
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I don’t know the details of your sister’s work schedule, but it sounds like it’s not just standard tax season, as everyone is assuming, if February might be an option instead.

I think the first mistake was yours, for not checking with your VIPs beforehand.

But I also think your fiancee is being pretty ridiculous. The preferred date is January 26, but when you asked about February, she said that “other months do not appeal to her”? WTF does that mean? February is literally the next week. Is she always so inflexible about her completely arbitrary preferences?

Post # 18
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2019

When did you two get engaged?

Post # 19
Member
3187 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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bigsrve1aj :  the date is a problem for both your sister and her brother. Seems like the obvious answer here is to pick a new date. Tell your fiancé to stop with the temper tantrum and be an adult about this. 

Post # 20
Member
3589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Ok so, when does tax season end where you live? In the US and UK the new tax year starts in April, so unless something different is going on I’m not sure why January is so critical or why February will be better? It sounds like maybe your tax season ends in February, in which case yes January is probably super stressful for her.

So, if tax season ends in February or something, pushing the date back a few weeks seems best especially as the day doesn’t even work for her brother. If your sister is just stressing out unnecessarily and taxes aren’t due until later, then she should ask for the day off. Presumably weekends are overtime hours and not normal hours anyway. 

If it does come down to it that your sister definitely can’t attend, then yes a date change will be better than letting her miss it. Could bringing it forward be an option if your fiance doesn’t want it later? Surely there is a weekend in winter that works for everyone!

Post # 21
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I am worried that you’re entering a marriage with a communication problem and a lot of sturbbornness. This problem can be solved at the compromise of some wedding related values (season, date, guests).

your fiancé is not handling this well and neither is your dad. Please have her read this thread with you.

Post # 22
Member
1151 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

catskillsinjune :  Shouldn’t the couple pick the date that works best for them?  It is their wedding day.  

I would think the bride’s date selection trumps groom’s sister.

Post # 23
Member
1829 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

if she really wanted to be there she could technically fly in then fly out, missing all of two three days of work… can she work from home or bring her work with her? has she even bothered to ask her superiors if she can have your wedding off? 

i think your dad is being selfish, by putting you in a position of if she cant be there then he will refuse to attend, which might trickle down to other family members. What does your mom think of all this? 

Post # 24
Member
7519 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Can everyone just stop with the that’s not tax season, that’s early in the season and surely she can take one or three days off nonsense. It doesn’t matter what goes on where you work, OP’s sister has indicated that at her work she cannot take the weekend off in January. That is all that matters.

Nobody should ever be asked to put their employment at risk to attend a party.

 

View original reply
bigsrve1aj :  Is your dad contributing financially to the wedding? If he is then you either need to play by his rules or pay for your own wedding. While the couple can have their wedding whenever they want, they also have to not get pissy when people can’t make the party.

But the bigger issue is that your Fiance is behaving like a brat. Do you want your sister to be there on your wedding day? If you do then your Fiance needs to be supportive of that and change the damn date.

Post # 25
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

Agree with PP – your fiance is behaving like a brat. How is a season more important than your sister/her sis-in-law? I mean you pick your priorities, but then live with the consequences. Most people won’t take kindly to finding out their sibling and future SIL care more about getting married the right season, than having them at their wedding.

Post # 26
Member
1829 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

 

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j_jaye :  
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noobee92 :  but where do you draw the line, id be pissed if one sole family member was going to dictate when i should get married. Sibling or not. Further more id be extra pissed if they decided to drag other family into it and then they get convinced that if one family member cant attend then they wont either…. 

Post # 27
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

 

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bigsrve1aj :  I would die on this hill. I absolutely would not allow my fiance to railroad my family like this. It’s a date. A date is not nearly as important as having my family there without fricition. If you have two family members for whom the date does not work, pick a different date. 

Post # 29
Member
7519 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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bigsrve1aj :  Well I would tell her no wedding. Issuing ultimatums is not a part of a healthy relationships. Not being willing to compromise is not a part of a healthy relationship. 

The fact that she has zero concerns for what you want should be a warning sign to you.

Post # 30
Member
2036 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Yup. Your fiance is being ridiculous. January is only four months away, and she wants everyone to drop their lives right this second? Please. Even if I could make the trip work, I would laugh at her. 

Set a date for January 2020 and tell her she’s acting like a child. 

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