(Closed) procrastinating boy friend turned action hero at the wrong time

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
442 posts
Helper bee

Absolutely do not give up your studies for your boyfriend. He sounds like he is being selfish as he was comfortable with the way you were not moving forward and is not happy or supportive of you pursuing anything for yourself. I think he thinks that he can lure you back with a promise “engagement” but do not let him hold you back!! If he REALLY wants to spend the rest of his life with you then he will be supportive and excited that his life partner is growing and pursuing great things for your life! Keep up the good work and put yourself first.

Post # 3
1773 posts
Buzzing bee

Other people have relationships and get an education, so I think he is incredibly selfish.

Post # 5
460 posts
Helper bee

I don’t really think he is keen to marry you.  I think it is time to move on and find someone who cannot wait to make you his wife!  Don’t settle!

Post # 8
9365 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I hope you’re not actually considering dropping out. My Fiance (then SO) broke up with me for a week before I went across the country for law school because he was afraid of the distance/added pressures on the relationship. But he decided it wasn’t worth walking away from, and now here we are, stronger because of all that we’ve been through together. And if he had ever asked me not to go because of him or not to study my ass off to excel because of him, I would have said peace out bro.

Post # 10
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

moccabee: Hi Sleepy, I recommend you get your sleep and focus on your studies. Someone who loves you and wants to build a life with you will support you and your dreams. 

You’ll share your dreams, set shared goals, and support each other in your joint and individual dreams and goals. 

He is not demonstrating love or being a supportive partner. You deserve more than what fickle boyfriend has to offer. He had his opportunity and did not act. Talk is cheap; action is what matters. 

Make yourself available to find a true action hero. One who acts and doesn’t gaslight you, by blaming his actions on you. You deserve it. In the meantime, get your sleep and best wishes on your studies!

Post # 11
460 posts
Helper bee

You say you waited six years while he enjoyed his single life and now that you’ve decided not to just hang around and ‘wait’ all of a sudden he has changed his mind?  It sounds to me that he is realising he is losing a good thing and is proposing for that reason.  If you were to give up your studies for him I wonder whether he would then find further excuses not to go ahead with marriage once he had restored his status quo. He should be encouraging you to better yourself not complaining about how it will affect him!

As I said before I think you would be settling – it doesn’t take six years to know if you want to marry someone!

Post # 13
1774 posts
Buzzing bee

“he tells me that his living situation has changed and now he is considering engagement” —-NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!! He is saying here that you are a backup plan, he needs a place to live so he’s going to mooch off you. He’s not making this decision because he wants to, he’s doing it because he needs a place to live and he thinks you’re a sucker. He’s been using you for 6yrs. Even if he buys you a ring, you should get it checked out b/c he sounds snakey and I’d worry it’s a cz!

 I’m sorry but everything you said about this man just screamed he’s only with you when it’s convenient for him. He’s comfortable with you and when it suites him, that is not love. Please do not marry this man or let him move in with you. Love is wanting the best for the other person and supporting your education. Love is wanting to life together, not just deciding to because he’s losing his apartment and has no other prospects.

Post # 14
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I wouldn’t have waited 6years for proposal to begin with haha, yes it doesn’t seem like he really wants you.

Post # 15
7369 posts
Busy Beekeeper

You already know the answer.

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