Post # 1
So… this weekend my male friend asked me to help him go shopping for an Engagement Ring for his amazing SO, now FI! Yay. I took him to my favorite jewelers and helped him pick the most stunning ring. Now, this got the cogs in my brain whirring and my SO could see this…. This prompted us to have a really good chat.
I told him I wanted to help finance the ring, I would prefer 2nd hand (big rock for not so much big money, yes please!) and would like to give him a rough idea of what I would want.
Now, I know this is unconventional but… I had been thinking for weeks about wanting to help finance the ring. Please don’t flame me for this, each to their own and what not. I earn way more than SO at the moment and would actually feel better if I helped finance the ring, rather than know he has struggled for months etc. If he was rich he would spend every penny on my but he isn’t. Now… before people go on about it’s not the ring etc etc, propose without a ring, use a cheap ring, upgrade later… my SO and I have agreed we want to get me a nice ring, one I will love forever and never want to upgrade. So… we agreed we will both start saving. I am 100% happy with this plan. We are going to set up a savings account for him and I will transfer money but won’t be able to see when the money goes out as we don’t want to remove all of the surprise. I have told him though if he doesn’t propose and wimps out, I want my bloody money back! Ha ha.
We have also decided to go and look at rings soon to give him an idea so when the time comes he can just go off and get the ring without me knowing, but safe in the knowledge that he has some idea what I want, and my ring size etc. He said he feels so much better about this plan as would worry he would mess up. SO is very sensitive and would be gutted if he didn’t get it right.
I am super excited about this plan but know that people like my Mum will somehow think his love for me is less because I helped pay for the ring. I know it isn’t traditional, but it makes sense for us. As a couple.
Anyway, I just wanted to share my exciting progress. I am going to keep my fingers crossed we can save and he gets the ring before our holiday in October but I think this is a bit optimistic!
Post # 3
I think it is fine as long as your SO is ok with it. Some men, not all, may find it very important that they provide the ring. They may even feel emasculated in some way if they feel that they cannot provide this symbol that has traditionally been given by men. However, other men are fine defying these traditional gender roles, and as long as you are sure that your SO is on board with this plan, I see nothing wrong with it.
Post # 4
@MsBeer: I offered to help pay for my ring although my SO has far more money than I do. I see it as an investment in our future, and if it’s something we both like, but it’s over the budget he is comfortable with, why shouldn’t I help? After all, it’s a symbol of *our* love and a commitment to *our* marriage. Why shouldn’t it be *our* ring?
As for your mother…unless you are really honest with your family, simply don’t volunteer the information. If they ask, I wouldn’t lie, but most will assume that he paid for it on his own. There’s really no reason for anyone to ask such a crass question as to whom paid for what.
Post # 5
You are so right. I talked with my Mum about helping to finance a ring and she was against it but I told her we agreed and it made me happy and she chilled out a bit. But… when the time comes she doesn’t need to know if and how much I contributed. No does anyone else.
I know a proposal isn’t all about the ring but I am honest enough to know I will want a nice ring which will cost a bit. A marraige is about working as a team and supporting each other so I don’t see why that can’t start with the ring, like you said. Why shouldn’t it be OUR ring.
Post # 6
I have made a rather large contribution to my ring and I am very happy that I did it. I told SO to add to it whatever he would have paid in the first place. For me I not only wanted a nice ring; I also didn’t really like or understand the idea of SO footing the entire bill for something that is supposed to represent an equal union.
Post # 7
Once I finally got my SO to admit a proposal would be soon, we started talking about rings. He was so happy for me to give him ideas about what I liked and give him my ring size so he doesn’t have to go investigating secretly. And while we have separate accounts, we’ve lived together for 2 1/2 years so we’ll be paying for the ring together. But unless someone asks, I’ll just let them assume he was just an amazing ring chooser and paid himself…although I don’t see anyone asking.
Post # 8
I think it’s great That you’re willing to help finance it he ring. As long as he is okay with it too there’s no problem. Congratulations!
Post # 9
No flames from me! I think it’s great that you’re willing to help pay for the ring and that your SO is ok with it. Yes money isn’t everything but it is your ring and as long as SO is cool with it.
Post # 10
I see nothing wrong with it! SO gave me a budget for the ring (we’re picking it out together), and I told him that if I fall in love with anything over budget, I’ll make up the difference. I ended up finding something well under budget, but if that didn’t happen, why should he have to pay more than he is comfortable with just because I want something more expensive? Also, if you have two people saving up, you can get the ring twice as fast!
Post # 11
I think this is great! I offered to do the same, but my SO won’t take the money from me because he’s stubborn and tries to be traditional whenever it suits him. What he might agree to instead is me paying the mortgage for a month or 2 so that he can pay for the ring. I like this plan so hopefully he’ll go for it. I say do what it takes to get the show on the road!
Post # 12
Thanks, he says he is on board so lets hope it stays that way!
You are so right and you have said exactly what I have been trying to say in a much better way. I said to my Mum and Sister that is society expected me to buy him a 3k watch in order to marry me I would think it was crazy. Equal union…. I am so stealing that!
I have told my SO that I am 100% happy for people to assume he did it all himself. At the end of they day, I have to wear it for the rest of my life. He asked me how I felt about an upgrade and I said, some people are fine with it but I want to wear the same ring forever, which is weirdly traditional when you compare it to my willingness to chip in and have a 2nd hand ring! lol.
Thank you ladies, nice to know I am not the only one and that my plan isn’t totally nuts!
Better ring, twice as fast… sounds good to me 🙂
That is such a good idea. Maybe I pay the rent for a couple of months, or more of my share and that way he is saving his money and the ring will be paid for 100% by him, but I have made it possible for him to save the money. Excellent idea. Thank you very much. Something to think about for sure.
Thanks Bees xxxx