Post # 1
When I was with my Boyfriend or Best Friend in high school, I remember lots of girls getting promise rings. Some were diamonds which they almost always flaunted as an engagement ring, some were their birthstones. It was an almost ‘trendy’ thing back in the day when I was in HS.
Now I see, as a 25~30 year old woman that there is kind of a disdain for them; getting them as a woman not in high school.
For exmaple, a friend of mine at work just got a promise ring, and she has gotten so much shit for it, people saying, “WOW, thought you guys graduated high school already”, and “Gonna ask him to take the old cadillac up to Make-Out-Point??” Sigh. I mean, whatever makes her and others happy should be enough. She was thrilled.
The ‘reason’ she got a PR rather than EG was that there is a recession going on here, so times are tough. He wanted to show her comittment and there you go.
Can anyone fill me in why so many people/Bees hate a primise ring on an adult?
Post # 2
I’d have to say I don’t personally have disdain.. I just don’t get it. To me, promise rings are given in the ages where you don’t know yourself enough to make that lifetime commitment. I figure.. if he wants to marry you.. get engaged and have a long engagement – why buy a ring that you’ll replace in the future? In the scenario where a ring can’t be afforded it’s totally feasible to get married with whatever ring he bought! Or no ring at al! Why call it a promise ring? That’s just my two cents…
Post # 3
I don’t notice any Promise ring hate on here. I actually had one at age 48 but we called it a committment ring. I wanted to know we were going somewhere when we moved in together, and this was a way to show it. It was a horseshow, 14 kt with a small diamond in it (about .20) We were not ready to become engaged, but we were definitely looking at a future together. We had both been in serious,live-n reltionships before and we both decided we were not going to casually live together.About a year later, we became formally engaged, told the importantpeople in our lives, and planned the wedding.
Post # 4
MeandMyLouboutins: Very true! Thanks for the input.
ponyrider: Wow, thats beautiful. 🙂 Thank you for sharing!
I’m just curious as to thoughts. Thanks!!
Post # 5
People hate them? Wasn’t aware. But I also don’t pay attention to that kind of stuff. If you like promise rings and the idea behind them, go for it! It’s not my cup of tea, so I never had one. In my relationship, we knew we were commited to each other, and since we’re “adults” we decided a promise ring was unnecessary. It was best for us to go for an engagement & engagement ring.
Although maybe you could argue that the jewelry he got me before the er was a sign of his “promise”? Whatevs! Adults should always do whatever makes them happy.
Post # 6
SO gave me a promise ring after 6 months of dating.
I’d never heard of a promise ring before and thought it was really sweet gesture. Its rose gold with diamond detailing along 3 bands.
We’d only been together 6 months but he said he knew he wanted to marry me but financially couldn’t afford the ring he wanted to buy me and also wanted to wait until my divorce was finalised (paperwork only, everything else had been settled).
He has now purchased my engagement ring and I’m expecting a proposal by April. I wear the promise ring on my right hand and he got my engagement ring in rose gold to match.
Post # 7
Personally I don’t really care, but I’ve definitely seen some snarky comments on here about them, and like another bee said, it can seem kinda….redundant? I don’t know. Like, its to say you promise one day to get engaged and married so as an adult, why not just save your money and get engaged instead of spending it on a promise ring? I think it’s seen as juvenile, I guess.
Post # 8
I think of promise rings as rings that are given when the couple isn’t in the position to be married — generally because they aren’t old enough to get married. Like high school students. Otherwise, why wouldn’t you just get an engagement ring and get engaged? I guess I think of a promise ring as coming with a promise to get engaged, and an engagement ring comes with a promise to marry. If you are old enough to get married, why wouldn’t you just get engaged instead of promising to do so? So I do think of it as a teenager thing.
But I have known one person in her twenties who got a promise ring because her bf couldn’t afford the engagment ring she wanted and she didn’t want to be engaged without a ring of a certain size. That seems a bit ridiculous to me, just get the ring you can afford and call it an engagement ring and move on with life.
Post # 9
Some people don’t care for them because they feel it’s a high school thing. They think you’re better off getting an engagement ring. I think whatever makes the person/couple happy. I wanted one when I was in graduate school but my SO was one of those that thought there were too childish. To each their own.
Post # 10
I’m in the UK and it’s not something that’s common here. I guess that’s part of the reason why I just don’t see the point. I absolutely wouldn’t say anything mean though. If someone I knew got a promise ring and they were happen then I would be happy for them.
Post # 11
I don’t have a problem with them–but I have certainly heard people talk about them with distain (out in the real world and not just on the Bee). I had one from my now fiance when I was 19. We weren’t in a place to get married and he didn’t have a lot of money. It’s a pretty ring and I still wear it from time to time as a right hand ring. Why put down any jewelry? I love jewelry!
What I don’t understand is a person who gets a promise ring and then gets another one from the same guy. I’ve seen this happen to more than one person and I think the second ring (unless it’s just a piece of jewelry) should be an engagement ring, but to each their own.
Post # 12
It seems weird to me. I wouldn’t “hate on” anyone for them but it just seems odd… if you want to get engaged then get engaged, if you aren’t ready (as an adult) then you aren’t. This just seems like saying I’m too chicken to get engaged but want to get pretend engaged.
Of course, I’m not a jewelry person to begin with and I’ve opted for just “the one ring to rule them all” sort of deal and am not getting a wedding band, my engagement ring will work just fine for both.
Post # 13
You don’t need any kind of ring to get or be engaged, so I don’t really get the recession argument. There are bigger things to worry about in the world but I’m another person who doesn’t really get promise rings. If you are promising to marry then you are engaged. If you are committed to the relationship but not ready for or interested in marriage then you are exclusive. Where does it end? Thinking-about-it rings for those not ready for a promise ring scale of commitment?
Post # 14
I see it as an extra jewelry that my Fiance decides to give me so I have something sparkly to wear. Why does it need to have the heaviest meaning? It’s no different to me than getting a necklace or a bracelet. It’s a ring, it’s a gift.
There’s no hate here or speculation or judgment. Do what you have with your life. Who cares if people don’t understand? It’s not their place to understand you anymore than it’s your place to understand their way of thinking. that piece of jewelry isn’t hurting anybody.
Post # 15
Promise rings were not a thing where I grew up, nor were they a thing at my university. I’m honestly not sure if I ever heard of them before the Bee. So, I don’t really “get it” but, I don’t have “disdain” for it per se.