Post # 1
(Today is a very slow day at work)
Anyways, my boyfriend of almost a year has mentioned that, for our anniversary, he’d like to get me a promise ring.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love the idea of getting a ring from him (or any piece of jewelry, or anything honestly), but I am a bit weirded out by calling it a promise ring. I’ve never understood the big deal surrounding promise rings. I am neither pro- or anti- promise ring. I asked him to explain what he meant a little more, and he told me,
“I know we can’t get married now, but I want to marry you.”
That’s great. I’m in love with him. We’re 21 and 22. He’ll be graduating from undergrad in april, and then be going off to graduate school (the nearest one he’s considering is still about a 3 hour drive). I will be graduating (likely) april of 2014. He wants to get through his first two years of grad school before getting married (putting us sometime around Summer of 2015).
But to the promise ring thing again. I asked if it could just be a ring I wore on my ring finger from him. I didn’t want to call it a promise ring because that comes with the whole complicated explanation of promise ring and what it means and why I have it etc. etc. And it’s just not something I am passionate about. I love him, but the idea of a promise ring seems silly to me (no offense to the bees who love them).
Anyways, I think he felt insulted a wee bit, and I just am wondering about other people’s opinions and arguements for and against promise rings.
Post # 3
Yeah, when I think promise ring I think high school. After a certain age if you want to get engaged, just get engaged. If you’re not ready then just continue the relationship until you are.
Post # 4
Also, it sounds like you aren’t intested in one at all and would be embarassed of it. You need to let him know that you love him more than anything, but you don’t need a ring to prove it.
Post # 5
I wore a ring on my left ring finger on and off for a year before we were engaged. It wasn’t an engagement ring or a promise ring, simply a ring on that finger and we were both comfortable with that.
If you’re heading towards marriage but he doesn’t want it to be an engagement ring then just don’t give it a name and wear it however you want.
Post # 6
I dont think theres anything wrong with it, call it whatever you want. Before my fiance and I were able to save up enough money to get my ring, I told him if he wanted more time to save he could just give me a simple (promise-like) ring until he felt his finances were in order to go out and buy a ring. Since he wanted to get me something we would both like. He ended up propsing like three months later, but regardless.. if people ask you can just say he gave it to you as a sign of his dedication to your future together, but that right now you guys were both focusing on other goals you have. If anyone is rude about it or makes you feel bad.. who cares? If you know he truly wants to be with you in the future nothing else should matter.
Post # 7
Honestly, the PPs are all about how I feel, but he really likes the idea of calling it a promise ring.
I don’t dislike it for being childish, and don’t necessarily dislike it at all. But I definitely am not the girl who wants/needs a promise ring. I do however want a pretty little thing on my finger.
I feel as though he may be more gung-ho about this because he gave one to his ex, who broke up with him so quickly after he gave it to her, that he was able to return it for a full refund from the jewelry store he bought it from, and he may just be trying to compensate… But I may be totally off base with that idea. He has never mentioned anything about that incident when we’ve talked about it (the promise ring).
Post # 8
I had a promise ring that I still wear on my right hand. My FH didn’t want to be engaged until he had the money for a proper engagement ring, and this one was a pawn shop find and $85 (quite a steal; it’s white gold and about a carat’s worth of very small diamonds). It was a nice compromise between me, who didn’t care about a proper engagement ring and wanted to call what we had an engagement, and him who didn’t want to call it that until he could give me what he considered to be a proper ring.
Post # 9
@Cornmuffin09: That’s because it is about your feelings. With something like this both partners have to be comfortable with what it represents. If you aren’t comfortable with his wants, you need to discuss what does make you comfortable.
Post # 11
I’m with katyelle. Promise rings just feel….juvenile to me. You’re either engaged or you’re not, there’s no “pre-engagement” which is what I feel promise rings kind of allude to. If I were you I’d just tell him that you’d love some jewelry from him, but you’d rather not wear a “promise ring” since you don’t want to be in the position of having to explain to everyone that no, you’re not engaged, despite the ring on your left hand.
Post # 12
my ex boyfriend gave me one, but like other bees are saying i was in high school. i loved it then. but if my husband were to of gave me a promise ring before getting engaged i probably would have thought he was crazy, we are older than 16 ! i dont think there is anything wrong with him giving you a ring though, but does it have to be a promise ring ? & how does he want you to explain it ? if hes worried about money on a ring, just wait, put the money he’s gonna put towards a promise ring towards an engagment.
Post # 13
My SO bought me a promise ring for Christmas back when we were juniors in high school. I still wear my ring 9 years later, on my left hand, and I do not plan on ever taking it off. Yes, I think it is typically more of a high school-oriented thing, but it is still a sweet sentiment. Recently, one of the smaller diamonds fell out and I thought about replacing it, but he said, “no need to, you will have another ring to worry about taking care of soon ;).” (ugh…who knows when that will be though…)
Anyway, I think that given your circumstances and desire to wait, he may just be trying to show you that he is serious, but is not able to or ready to get engaged yet. Maybe talk to him more about his perspective on buying the ring and what it would mean to him.
Post # 14
I told him what I wanted as far as a ‘promise ring’. I don’t want it to look like an engagement ring if he insists on calling it that.
An infinity ring. A promise to be together forever. Nothing to do with engagement or marriage.
Post # 15
My Fiance and I have been together almost 9 years, and we just got engaged a few weeks ago. However, before he proposed, he gave me two diamond rings. However, when I asked what the significance was of the rings, he said the first one was a promise ring. When I got the second diamond ring, it wasn’t another promise ring. He just thought I’d like it, and I think is mom picked it out (which really boggles my mind!).
I think promise rings are a nice idea, but a piece of jewelry that isn’t a diamond would probably be more appropriate, In My Humble Opinion. I can’t tell you how many times I had people come up and ask me if I was wearing an engagement ring, and had to tell them that it wasn’t. It just ended up hurting my feelings and became salt to the wound after a while. Eventually I just kept both rings in my jewelry box, and will keep them for my children to have someday.
For some people, a promise ring is appropriate. However, I would go with a stone that isn’t a diamond, so there is a clear difference between the two rings.
Post # 16
I received my first promise ring my senior year of high school, and I loved it!! BUT, I was in highschool. The funniest part is my high school sweetheart gave me 3 promise rings the 6 years we were together. WHAT?! What can I say? We were really young.
I would under no circumstances want a promise ring now (I am 25). Too juvenile, just my opinion though.
If he really wants to get you a ring, then I agree with a lot of the other bees- it needs to look like a promise ring and not an engagment ring. Does he care what hand you wear it on? I would personally wear it on the right hand to avoid any confusion.
If he really wants to marry you but can’t afford the engagement ring he wants to get you, then maybe he should put the money he was planning on spending on a promise ring in a savings account and save for the engagement ring.