(Closed) Promise Rings; A Friendly Debate (please)

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
2969 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I don’t think there’s anything necessarily wrong with the concept of a promise ring, but to me, I do think of younger people, like teenagers, who want to show commitment, like pinning someone because you’re going steady. Like if I was 16 and my boyfriend of the time said he wanted to be fully committed to me and one day make me his wife, then he’d probably give me a promise ring. However, once you’re at the stage where you can get engaged (legally, you’re actually an adult, etc.) and you’re just waiting for the right moment (because of finances, for example), then I don’t think a promise ring is super appropriate. At that point, both people should just have an adult conversation about the future and decide on decisions in the relationship that will happen in the future. There doesn’t necessarily need to be a symbol to show it. And then get a nice anniversary gift as an anniversary gift, and not necessarily as a promise. After all, an engagement ring is the promise to marry someone.

Post # 18
Member
373 posts
Helper bee

I am not a fan of promise rings either.. We know we want to get married. We are just not in a place to do it. I am 8 months pregnant, oops! 🙂 So my SO/FI wanted it to be known to the world that I am a taken woman. So he got me (in his words) a place holder. Until we have my oval solitare custom built. I love my “place holder” and never take it off! 

Post # 19
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Meh, I say, either marry me or leave my ring finger to my own fashionista devices.

Post # 21
Member
2811 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

I think they are a bit silly for adults.  If my husband had suggested getting me a promise ring, I would have said okay, but lets let it just be a gift and not attach the term “promise ring” to it. 

Post # 22
Member
90 posts
Worker bee

If you like the idea of getting a ring, wearing it on your ring finger, and having it be a symbol of commitment, but are embarrassed to call it a promise ring… Why don’t you just not call it a promise ring to other people? Especially if it won’t even look like an e-ring? I have a promise ring, my SO and I refer to it as a promise ring, but when other people comment on it I just say “SO gave it to me” and no further explanation is ever needed.

For people who say “why not just get engaged?” First off, promise rings aren’t necessarily for pre-engagement. They can simply be a token of love/devotion, or of exclusivity. Second, some people see engagement as simply a commitment to eventually getting married, in which case a promise ring signifying pre-engagement IS silly… But some people, like my SO, don’t believe in proposing until you are actually ready to set the date and plan the wedding, and a promise ring might make sense for the time between when you’re emotionally ready and when ficscally/legally ready. Finally, I just don’t get the “Why have a ring? Why not wait for an engagement ring?” questions. No, a promise ring isn’t necessary, just like an engagement ring isn’t necessary, and a wedding band isn’t necessary. All of those rings are just symbols that some people find meaningful and romantic.

Post # 24
Member
5229 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I too feel like promise rings are juvenile, and I don’t mean this to bash anyone to whom the promise ring is an important symbol, but I’m always concerned about the level of trust in a relationship when people feel the need to mark themselves or their partner out as taken. That whole concept (like promise rings, wearing you boyfriend’s high school ring, etc.) seems immature to me (and well, very high school), and you sound like a more mature person than that. I’m sure plenty of mature people have promise rings, but the concept strikes me as odd. Being in a long-term relationship already means you’re in this for the long haul… or you would get out of the relationship. To me, that’s enough of a statement about the status of the relationship.

If he wants to give you jewelry (whether a ring or not) as a sign of his love, great… but I wouldn’t call it a promise ring personally.

Post # 25
Member
2294 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

They’re not really my thing…I find them sort of silly and juvenile, sorry. I think I had one in highschool, and well, yeah….didn’t really work out the way it was intended to.

 

Post # 26
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Cornmuffin09:  My SO got me a ring when we were dating for 6 or 7 months. It wasn’t a promise ring, it was just a gift. But he did say that one day he will marry me and I did not wear the ring on my left hand. I don’t consider it a ‘promise’ ring. It’s just a gift but I guess the name is ‘ promise ring ‘ lol

Post # 27
Member
7439 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I truly think that Promise Rings interpretation has a more to do with WHERE you live, than WHO you are, or WHAT phase of life you are in.  In some places they most certainly have a “high school” / juvenile conotation… in other places they seem to the be normal “place holder” ring prior to engagement (worn on the left hand ring finger)

My first marriage (circa 1980) my Ex-H and I knew that we would be married after we finished University… so in the interim of being able to afford a Diamond Engagement Ring, he bought me a Promise Ring that featured my Birthstone (and I wore that for aprox 1 year)

It was (and still is) a special ring to me, because of what it represented… a ring I could wear that represented our commitment to one another prior to his being able to purchase / afford my E-Ring.

So, ya I wouldn’t be offfended, I’d be proud to wear such a symbol.

Hope this helps,

NOTE – As women we don’t think like men.  Something that many gals learn the hard way over time.  One thing you NEVER want to do is offend a guy, or take his feelings or gestures for granted… men aren’t emotional creatures by nature, and if you hurt them, they take a long time to recover (or hold you in lower regard).  NEVER a good thing.  As women we should value their opinions and gestures of love & kindness… it will bode better for us in the long run.

 

Post # 28
Member
6414 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’d rather just tell them to keep saving for an engagement ring and if he knows he’s ready to propose anyway just go for and have a long relaxing engagement.

We had a long engagement and it was amazing.

Post # 30
Member
2200 posts
Buzzing bee

@KatyElle:  +1. I couldn’t wear a promise ring… Too juvenile for me.

Post # 31
Member
7551 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

i loved my promise ring, we were quite young when we started dating (18 going on 19) and at 1 1/2 – 2 years together we weren’t ready to get engaged but commit to getting engaged at some point in the future. I wore it on my left ring finger until my fingers grew and it wouldn’t fit anymore so i just stopped wearing it. i was happy to have an empty finger when my Fiance proposed 🙂

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