(Closed) Promise Rings; A Friendly Debate (please)

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 32
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Um… A promise ring is so immature.

I’m 23 almost 24. SO got me a stunning starter ring.

He calls it a starter because he is customizing my “real” ring and is saving up to pay it off whole.

My ring is fairly huge and has a blue diamond center.

He wanted to be engaged and marry one day but he knew it’ll take nearly two years to design ring and pay it off…

In My Humble Opinion… No promise ring.. Just a decent starter. Doesn’t need to be real diamonds. Be engaged and continue relationship as an engaged couple. Engagements end and so do marriages.. So it’s no shame if things don’t work out.

Post # 33
Member
7551 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

and my promise ring looked a lot like an engagement ring, i guess that’s partially why i picked it! it had a miniscule diamond and cost only $129

Post # 34
Member
537 posts
Busy bee

I’m wearing my promise ring right now…don’t have a picture but it is awesome (my SO gave it to me = awesome). I got it at the bottom of some very decadent ice cream on our first valentine’s day, it wasn’t an engagement ring – but I was still speechless and ecstatic (but he’d been bombardig me with happy all day). 

It was a ring, starter ring, promise ring, etc … a ring can have whatever meaning you want it too. I remember us talking about what exactly the “promise” was – we didn’t figure it out to a tee but we got a general idea.

At the end of the day, I love him and I’m wearing it – I also clean it often, so sparkly. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 35
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@KatyElle:  I agree!

To me, promise rings are for when you are unable to get married (underage). My opinion has been: if you are an adult and want to make a promise, get engaged. If you’re not ready to get engaged, don’t. Knowing that you will be together forever and will eventually get married is enough, you don’t need to wear a cheesy piece of jewelry. 

 

Post # 36
Member
564 posts
Busy bee

@Cornmuffin09:  I enjoy promise rings their more fun in design but for me, i’d like a good engagement ring. i’ve been researching what i want and what looks good, i hope he takes the hint lol

Post # 37
Member
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I had one when I was 19. We broke up, with very good reason. I think promise rings are kind of bs.

Also, lately I always think of “promise rings” as in the rings dads give their daughters to keep their virginity so I always chuckle at these threads…

Post # 38
Member
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m pretty neutral.  I associate them with young love, but think it’s sort of silly when they can pass for engagement rings.  The only sort of promise ring I’d say I actually like is a Claddaugh ring.  

Post # 39
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Since this is a “friendly debate”, I’d like to throw in a dissenting opinion and say that I like the idea of a promise ring, if that’s what works for both of you (though you don’t seem to like it yourself, so that’s definitely a big factor!). I’m a big believer in “when you know, you know”, and my fiance and I were young when we met–19–but I knew within a year that I was ready to be engaged and to start building a future together. He wasn’t ready to take that next step into engagement though–it was something that took a lot of reflection and preperation in his mind (he comes from a divorced family with a lot of problems, while my parents were married young and are still married 26 years later). So for Christmas a year and three months after dating, he gave me my engagement ring, but to wear as a promise ring–I wore it on a necklace. I really liked it: I knew it meant that we were working towards engagement and that we would get engaged, nothing juvinielle-seeming to that! (It was originally not intended to be my engagement ring, too, but I loved it so much he replaced the side stones and proposed to me with it!) We were engaged this July, about six months after getting the promise ring, both at 21. I also wear a claddagh ring he got me earlier in our relationship on my right hand, and they both have significant meaning to me. 

I don’t believe that there’s no stage between dating and engagement for everyone–relationships aren’t always cut-and-dry, and to me, there definitely WAS an in-between stage, a stage in which we were discussing marriage regularly, preparing for our future, but we were still talking about those things and weren’t ready to be officially engaged yet. That’s the stage in which I wore my promise ring, and it really worked for us. 

Post # 40
Member
638 posts
Busy bee

I must be the odd one on this. I’m in my 40s and I don’t have a problem with it… Although I guess it’s awkward calling it a ‘promise’ ring.

My Fiance proposed w/o a ring, plus we are in an LDR… and we are looking for one now but I probably won’t have it til January at earliest. In the meantime I’m in this ring-less limbo where I’ve found it hard to explain to people that I’m engaged. ๐Ÿ™

I kinda wish he would have gotten a placeholder I think- a gemstone though, not a diamond. I’d wear that until January, but I probably not call it a promise ring if anyone asked lol.

OP, maybe he wants you to have one to show you are ‘taken’ since you are going off to school?

Post # 41
Member
727 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If you don’t care for a “promise” ring how about a past/present/future ring? He can give you something tangable to show how he feels and when asked about it you can explain just that “My bf expressed his feelings in my beautiful ring”. When you do get engaged you can move it to your right hand.

Post # 42
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

So much hate towards the promise ring goin’ on in here. My Fiance gave me one. LOVED IT. Total pro promise-ring over here. I was 23 at the time and there was nothing juvenile about it. I wanted a public symbol that I was taken and it was a great way to do it. The ring was gold with an aquamarine. My engagment ring is white gold with diamonds. In fact, my Fiance also wore a “promise ring” during our courtship. But we jokingly called it a “fake engagement ring” because he’s in a band and wanted women to think he’s married. I didn’t tell him do to that one, he WANTED to do it, bless him ๐Ÿ™‚ So to each his own, but watch out for blanket statements of your personal opinions reflected onto other’s interests. I have quite a few bad opinions of bridal parties but I won’t project. Again, to each his own ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 43
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee

i dont have a ring, he never told me it was a promise ring, but it was his ring with his initials on it that i wear around my neck. He gave it to me when i was about 16/17. so maybe this would be classed as a promise ring ? or not really. Im not entirely sure how  ended up with the ring tbh. but i have it around my neck every day x

Post # 44
Member
820 posts
Busy bee

For our one year anniversary, SO gave me a pre-engagement/promise ring that he called an “I love you ring”. 

We talked about the idea beforehand, and I admittedly was not thrilled with the idea of a promise ring as it reminded me of of high school.  After SO explained what the purpose of it would be, I thought it was a very sweet gesture.

There were several reasons it seemed appropriate for us.

I was 25 at the time and in professional school.  With my career choices, and our long distance relationship, we knew that it was going to be a while before we wanted to get engaged and married.  We did not (and still do not want!) a long engagement, and we do not want to be married and be LDR.

SO also expressed that he always wanted to present his future wife with a symbol of his love while they were dating.  He is fairly traditional and wanted me to know that to him, we were “dating” with a purpose or in a relationship with the intention of moving toward marriage. 

The ring that SO gave me is a symbol of our love and committement to one another.  It also serves as a reminder to me that SO is always there for me even though he is physically so far away. 

 

Post # 46
Member
32 posts
Newbee

@ChicChick:  

 

I was in the same situation as you. I have a gold and diamond ring. It’s not really a promise ring. It’s an anniversary gift (on our 3rd anniversary). It’s actually an anniversary band that you would buy at a nice jewelry shop. I wear it on my right hand and it’s a reminder of how much we mean to each other. I don’t find it juvenile. In fact I never even considered it as a promise ring – more so as an anniversary gift. I also got a pair of gold earrings to go with it and I love all my gifts!

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