I’ll admit, I haven’t read through the entire thread.
But I just wanted to say…I feel you. Trust me. I’ve been with my SO for 8 years now, living together since 1.5 years. It can get so frustrating at times, you just want to shake them and stomp your feet and just yell and cry about why they’re taking so long. I totally get it. I, like you, also had my moments where I cried in the shower. It’s a totally a thing, you know! 😉
I also made it clear upon moving in together that I was not cool with just dating indefinitely. I want marriage and a family. Unfortunately, it has taken some time for him to feel ready. We’ve recently looked at rings, he’s created a budget, and we’re going back next week. I think he’s even thinking about when to propose, because he mentioned how him doing it at Christmas would be a no-no in his mind haha. Am I ecstatic about this progress? You betcha! Have there been tons of fights, tears, and moments where I wondered if it would EVER happen? Oh yes. Especially when, for whatever reason, he just could not articulate WHY he wasn’t ready. He just wasn’t.
I’ll be the first to admit that I have had many ugly waiting moments, unfortunately. At times it can be just too easy to take it personally. At one point, my SO told me we would be engaged within 2-3 years. That passed. Then he told me not to worry, he had plans. I wouldn’t be waiting forever. Time kept passing. Then, finally, after a particularly rough patch in our relationship [I’m not sure if things finally hit him that I wouldn’t wait forever or what], but it seems he came to his senses. He told me we’d be engaged within 6 months, which puts us into December/January. And he’s been the one suggesting picking out a ring together and going to look. It was also his suggestion to go back next week. Sometimes I’m totally cool and not even thinking about getting engaged… other times…it can be bad. What helps me calm down is thinking to myself – do I want to get married or do I want to marry him? My answer is I don’t want to simply be married to just anybody. I want to marry him. He’s my best friend. We’ve been through so much together, I can’t even fathom going through life with anybody else.
I’m sorry for rambling, just wanted to share a bit. But even though it can be very hard to wait, I truly think you should wait until just after the deadline he gave you. He might surprise you. He’s probably getting everything all lined up. Even my SO, who KNOWS I will say yes, recently told me he was planning on proposing on our anniversary but chickened out [also didn’t because I was sick at the time but still admitted he was nervous]. It’s a big deal. Even if it’s inevitable, even if you have no doubts you guys will be together forever… getting engaged IS a big step. I’m sure at some point even us Waiting bees will have it hit us … oh my god we’re actually engaged!
Anyway, keep us posted on how things are going and I highly recommend coming here to vent anytime you need. This board can really help at times. 🙂