Post # 61
Unfortunately there is no way for it to be a surprise/ unexpected at this point. I think about it constantly. The resentment comes from him taking so long to the point I can’t relax about it. I worry at this point it’ll just be relief when he does it rather than joy.
Obviously I’m feeling resentful right now. Probably because he was quite cranky tonight about the fact that he has three major deadlines coming up at work in the next two weeks. Nothing I did could cheer him. I’m like you have two weeks of having a lot of work and you’re complaining YOU can’t wait for it to be over? Try 8 stressful months of having no control over the most important decision of your life. And yeah thanks for putting me through that, I appreciate it. Come back and talk to me about ‘just wanting this stressful time to be over’ once you’ve finally proposed. (I didn’t actually say any of this). And this pretty much tells me it’s not going to be in the next two weeks either. Great.
Also since he asked my dad last week (which made me lose my resentfullness for a few days!) I got my hopes up he would do it this past weekend since we both had a long weekend. Nope. Getting my hopes up only to be let down repeatedly is driving me insane. And now I know it won’t be in the next two weeks either because of our work/school. I know that I am being totally ridiciulous and irrational and should just chill until New Years but dang I am so over this waiting thing. Chilling is in fact my goal… Just ranting on here so I don’t express my impatience to him lol. Thanks for listening 🙂
Post # 62
Update: he finally did it! Snow proposal. I am super happy to be engaged now but it was definitely an “about time” feeling like I thought. I tried to seem surprised for him though and he seems to have bought it.
Of course the first thing both of his parents asked me was “were you surprised”. HA. I gritted my teeth and lied that yes I was surprised. But really people, after all of these years you expect me to be surprised?? A couple of hours later his mom says, “I suppose it’s about time! But good you got engaged the way you should not because one person said, “right now””. Um woman STFU. I’m pretty sure she has an idea of the whole me breaking up with him 8 months ago because he had no future plans for our relationship. Don’t get me wrong I love his mom but holy cow woman until you’ve walked in my shoes, shut up! I bet if he was the one left waiting for me to make up my mind her feelings on the situation would be entirely different.
And of course three days later his mom starts going on about when his dad proposed to her she was completely surprised and cried all the way home because she couldn’t believe he asked her. Ugh. Just when I thought I was coming to terms with the fact that mine was not a surprise and that probably most people’s aren’t really a surprise…
I suppose no relationship is perfect and the whole waiting period will always be a sore spot for me. On the bright side he’s totally excited about the wedding now. There’s no dragging of his feet with setting a date, if anything he wants it sooner than me which is awesome. And he’s so proud of the ring he got me which is really cute. Thanks for all the support bees!!
Post # 63
lalanono: I first, just want to say that I am sorry you are dealing with this, and that you are certainly not alone!! If I were you, I would give him an ultimatum and stick with it. Us ladies need to have some say in when things move on to the next step. I seriously cringe when I hear stories of ladies who are together with their men for 9 years and no ring. It works for some people but it would never work for me! To me, the point of a relationship is to find the man you will marry.. and after 4/5/6 years he should know whether you are the person he wants to marry. I hate the fact that sometimes we have to give our men ultimatums but really, it is the only thing we can do to ensure we aren’t waiting forever. Your dream is to have a family with him.. but if he doesn’t feel the same way then you are better off finding out sooner than when it is too late.
I told my sweetie that I needed to have a ring on before the end of the year (2013) or else we needed to part ways. I have plans to have all my children before I am 30 so timing was important to me. (I am 24). He actually bought the ring in January/Feb of 2013 and waited until Nov 2013 to propose. Although, my mom passed away in April 2013 so that probably had a lot to do with the waiting until Nov. Sometimes guys need a little bit extra time when they have the ring. So hopefully that is your man, but there is nothing wrong with giving him a date to when you expect it by.
Good luck! I am really hoping for a New Years Eve proposal for you!! 🙂
Post # 64
lalanono: AHH! I am so excited for you! I read your story like a soap opera, it was terrible not knowing how your story would end! I am so glad it had a happy ending. Let your Future Mother-In-Law out of your mind, be happy and excited. Men are not good at emotional and verbal communication sometimes/ all the time, so give him a little break you are an engaged woman NOW!
Post # 65
lalanono: Ahhh!!! You were one of the bees I was rooting for!! Congrats!! 😀
Let’s see the ring!!!
Post # 66
lalanono: You’re one of the Bees I was rooting for too! So happy for you, congratulations!
You still feigned surprise with Fiance, maturely and lovingly considering his feelings in a harmless little lie- and now that he has proposed he’s so excited to plan a wedding and future with you. And you handled your future in-laws with class (future Mother-In-Law rather tactless but you were very gracious and didn’t let her outwardly get to you) Major kudos to you, bodes well for future dealings as her DIL.
Congratulations again- wishing you all the best xo
Post # 68
lalanono: I’m sooooo happy for you! Congratulations! You go, girl!!
Post # 69
lalanono: Congratulations! And don’t worry about the not being surprised. I wasn’t at all, but it was still one of the greatest moments of my life. And I still lie about not being surprised. There’s no need to wreck it for them. I agree with you. I think anytime you’ve been together for over two years, or you are living together, it probably isn’t that big of a surprise.
Post # 70
lalanono: I’m so happy for you!!!! Congratulations!!! you must post the story/ring!!!
Post # 71
I completely agree with you about the lack of surprise these days. haha perhaps your Mother-In-Law is one of those women who genuinely was, but then again, what woman wants to be painted as the impatient girlfriend? Not many would own up to that after being married, yet it happens to TONS of us.
I’m glad he finally got off his ass for you! You deserve it.
Post # 72
Awww thanks everyone! Just got to reading some of these responses now and they warm my heart
“but then again, what woman wants to be painted as the impatient girlfriend? Not many would own up to that after being married, yet it happens to TONS of us” That is a very good point. I bet she was lying about being totally surprised, I do recall her saying something about she wouldn’t move with him until he proposed. And even though I wasn’t surprised, I still look back on that day fondly! And I’m happy to say that my feelings of resentment have pretty much disappeared. Of course there will always be random times they are triggered (like when someone gets engaged after 2 years) but 98% of the time I’m over it 🙂
Post # 73
lalanono: Can we see the ring please?
Post # 74
Love this story. Honestly if my boyfriend propose to me I will feel the same, not surprice, but really a release.