(Closed) Promises about the kids? Dispensation?

posted 6 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
3697 posts
Sugar bee

@artist18:  In the end, I want our marriage to be valid and considered a sacrament in the eyes of the Catholic Church, because I know it’s important to him and his faith…

It’s really admirable that you are being so thoughtful about this and wanting to only make promises that you can sincerely uphold.

A couple of good things for you to know: the Catholic church will not grant permission to hold the wedding in a church of another denomination. They won’t stop you from getting married in another church, but if you do, the marriage won’t be recognized by the Catholic church as sacramental and valid until you get it convalidated. Also, you do have a parish, even if you’ve never set foot in it. There are two ways to determine membership in a parish: you can pick one and actively sign up/register for it (a fairly recent innovation), but you also automatically belong to a parish based on where you live. Parishes are geographic divisions of dioceses, similar to how states are divided up into counties, and any Catholic resident of a parish’s territory is automatically a de facto member of that parish. According to Canon law, you have a right to access the sacraments in that parish – so, even though you no longer consider yourself Catholic, you are baptized (and probably received First Communion, if you attended through elementary school?) so you would be able to qualify as a member of the parish in whose territory you live.

Since it sounds like it’s really important to your Fiance, I would encourage you to think about doing marriage preparation for a Catholic wedding and really looking in depth at the Church’s teachings about marriage, what you are asked to promise re. raising children, etc. It will make things much easier on your Fiance as far as the bureaucracy of having a valid sacramental marriage, and it will give you a chance to consider, challenge, and strengthen your own beliefs. Even if you still disagree with the Catholic church on certain points, you will have a clearer understanding of how and why. It is possible that someone might give you a hard time about being a fallen-away Catholic – it all depends on who you end up with as your priest – but I would hope that they would be welcoming toward you and respect the integrity that you are bringing to your decisions.

Best of luck to you!

Post # 5
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@artist18:  If you are officially no longer Catholic then they will give you the dispensation of form to get married elswhere. You are correct, it is definitely better to get the dispensation before the wedding than to get it convalidated (fixed) later.

Yes, your Fiance will have to promise to do his best to raise any children as Catholics.

You yourself do not have to promise anything –

but you WILL have to sign a form, stating that you are aware that your future husband has given his word before God in this matter.

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