(Closed) Promoting a Bridemaid and Demoting a Matron of Honor.

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
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  • Post # 17
    Member
    2326 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Wow, just wow. OK, I don’t want this thread to get out of hand so I am going to do my best to ignore the impulse to be snarky and just offer constructive advice.

    1. Understand first of all you are speaking to a biased audience, as I am firmly in the camp that you ask your best friends to stand up with you because they are your nearest and dearest, not so you can have free personal assistants for the duration of your wedding planning. Everything involving wedding planning and chores is the responsibility of the bride and groom and whoever they have PAID to help them. I do not believe the bridesmaids or MOHs have any obligations other than buying the dress, and standing up there with you on your day. These are your friends, not your minions.

    2. I’m sorry, I am just flabbergasted that your Maid of Honor actually hit up all your friends for travel money, and then gave you a list of who contributed and who did not so you can feel free to hold a grudge against those who chose to pay their bills rather than send you to New Orleans. And that you are okay with this. This is not me being snarky, I just can’t believe that happened.

    3. Agree with others that something that happened almost a DECADE ago needs to be forgiven and forgotten. You can’t bring this up every time you need a justification to be mad at this friend.

    4. As for switching out the Maid/Matron of Honor, I think it is okay to ask her if she is really up for being Maid/Matron of Honor being that she is due around the same time. I don’t see really see a huge difference in tasks between Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaid though so if she’s up for being a bridesmaid, I don’t see why she wouldn’t want to be Maid/Matron of Honor. But she may opt to just be a guest- I can’t think of anything worse than being nine months pregnant standing for hours at a time in a formal dress and heels. I also would hate to shell out money for a dress that I’d never wear in the event I went into labor before the wedding happened. So go ahead and ask her, and tell her you won’t be upset if she needs to back out.

    5. If she still insists she wants to be Maid/Matron of Honor, there is no polite way to tell her, well I’d really rather demote you to a bridesmaid because your pregnancy is preventing you from running around town doing my bidding, you did not contribute to my travel fund for my bachelorette, and oh yeah nine years ago you did something that really pissed me off. Understand that this will change your friendship dynamic, probably irreparably.

    Post # 18
    Member
    3696 posts
    Sugar bee

    What will you do if she gives birth right around the time of your wedding? You will rejoice and be delighted at the wonderful new person who has come into her life and family. And you will understand that that is vastly more important than folding programs or tying ribbons on favors or hanging decorations or setting out centerpieces could ever, EVER be.

    You will also think carefully about the definition of narcissism.

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