- 2 years ago
- Wedding: May 2017
Hi lovely bees,
I need some advice and I know it’s impossible for you to tell me what to do since you’re not in my shoes, but I’d appreciate your wisdom and insight!
I made a pros/cons list at the bottom since this got a little long.
I’m from the Midwest and my Darling Husband is from the Northeast. We’re 25 and 32, respectively, so pretty young and a lot of our careers left. We met in my hometown in Wisconsin, got married, and his job offered him a promotion which moved us to South Dakota. We knew this was a possibility and decided together what states we would be “mobile” to, so this wasn’t a surprise.
We have been here a year (literally exactly a year as of yesterday), and he has been excelling at his new position. Meanwhile in that year I found a great job as a commercial interior designer (my trade), we bought and are renovating a home, and now we’re expecting our first baby – due in June. Once the baby comes, I will be staying at home for a few years and doing part time freelance work only.
Now, we’re living in a semi rural area (small town) between two smaller cities and I don’t love it. I know we haven’t been here long but I’m finding it hard to meet people outside of work and there is no real sense of community. I’m afraid once I’m staying at home I’ll feel very isolated and it will be hard for me to find work. But the cost of living is low and there are lots of state parks and recreation opportunities in the summer months. And Darling Husband has said if we end up staying in this area, we can move (once our current home is fixed up) closer to the larger city which would be ideal and has what I’m looking for as far as events and community. Also, just wanted to add we have no family in SD, so that wouldn’t change if we moved either.
DH’s boss has already told him he’s doing a great job and would be up for promotion AGAIN in the next couple years. But now he is not sure whether we should take the leap or not. Actually, we’re both not sure – neither of us really feel strongly one way or another, but we need to decide soon so we can update our mobility.
He would ideally like his boss’s job and knows he could get to that level, but that would involve us moving three more times in the span of 6-7 years. To three different unknown locations, determined by the company. And that job would likely involve more overnight travel than he’s doing now. I’m not sure how I feel about that with kids. But, he would be making about 2-3 times his current salary depending on the yearly bonus, and would be able to retire early. Since it’s a large national company we wouldn’t really be able to choose where we would move to. We would end up in a large urban area anywhere from Miami to Memphis to Salt Lake City. Depending on the city we’re moved to though, we would be able to afford a nice home outside the city in commuting distance. The larger urban area would be better for my career as well, because I’d like to keep my skills relevant.
OH and there’s even another option. One of his coworkers is talking about retiring in 5 or so years, he lives in Olympia Washington. He’s offered to give my Darling Husband a call before he does that so that we could request to be transferred to that area. He would not be getting promoted or changing his job title, just his location. That would be another situation where he wouldn’t be able to get promoted again, but we love the west coast and like the idea of moving there.
I’ll make a quick pros/cons summary since this got long.
Option 1: Stay where we’re at, eventually moving closer to the small city.
PROS: *low cost of living
*DH is home almost every night
*good public schools
* $100k+ per year is a comfortable lifestyle for us
*lots of nature
*can move closer to a larger population center in a few years.
CONS: *limited opportunities
*sense of isolation
*if Darling Husband says he’s not willing to be promoted now, he will be doing this job for the rest of his career – he can’t change his mind later.
*limited career growth for me
*far from a major airport (sucks for holiday travel to visit family)
Option 2: Take the next career step
PROS: *Salary + bonus of $300-$400k per year
*Could end up somewhere really cool, like Denver
*More opportunities to meet people
*More career advancement for the both of us
CONS: *Higher cost of living areas
*Could end up somewhere we really don’t like
*Depending on the region we end up in, Darling Husband could be traveling a lot more (2-4 nights per week)
*His job would be more demanding, he’s concerned about not being able to spend a lot of time with our family
Option 3: Stay here for now, then request to be transferred to Olympia.
*kind of a compromise between the two in my opinion.
PROS: *gorgeous, an abundance of outdoor recreation areas
*middle ground cost of living
*medium sized city
*we would actually be able to determine where we would live
CONS: *we might not actually get transferred (though there’s a good chance we would)
*another “career-ending” move – no advancement opportunities after that for my Darling Husband
*DH wouldn’t get any promotion, so we wouldn’t be able to afford as much