(Closed) Proof my vows?

posted 7 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
3166 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

aww!! so sweet. i suggest only using “down” once in this line: “I vow to be at your side at every turn and down every road our life together takes us down.”

and also I’d mention something about how you’ll be there in the bad times because you have it worded to be there in richness/prosperity/health/happiness but not in poor/bad times/sickness/etc.

Post # 5
Member
7295 posts
Busy Beekeeper

they look great, very sweet!   I made a few minor changes that you can take or leave!

Here it is with my edits – explanations follow.

Today is the happiest day of my life. I get to marry by best friend.You are my true love, you are everything I could have ever wanted and everything I never knew to ask for.You are my prince, my knight and now, my husband. I vow to be at your side at every turn and down every road our life together takes us. As your wife, I vow to be your best friend and a good mother of your children.To be at your side in richness and prosperity, health and happiness and to love and support you through all your endeavors.To always take time to walk the dogs with you, hold your hand while shopping and to be your extra set of hands in the kitchen.On our wedding day I vow to be everything a good wife is and all that a wife should be to you, To be the Beyoncé to your Jay-Z, the Barbie to your Ken and always the Minnie to your Mickey

 

  

1) I took out “finally” in the third sentence, i think it sounds sweeter without that word there.

2) I took out the second “down” in the 4th sentence as it sounded redundant.

3) I reworked the 5th sentence because i found saying “I vow to be your wife” a little off since that is happening just by signing the papers! Ans i really liked how you wrote “I vow to be everything a good wife is and all that a wife should be to you” later on and thought that was enough, no need to say simply state “I vow to be your wife” earlier on.  make sense?

4) Also in the 5th sentence, i added “good” instead of just “mother to your children”.

5) The last sentence that starts with “On this our wedding day” didn’t make sense gramatically, so i changed it to “On our wedding day” (took out “this”).  Alternatively, you can also write “On this day” and take out “wedding”. OR you can write “On this day, our wedding day, I vow….”

 

Hope that helps!

Post # 7
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

@elliestan: agreed. 

I vow to be at your side at every turn and down every road our life together takes us down.

would sound phonetically better if maybe you said.. I vow to be at your side down every road and through every turn life takes us together.

I also noticed the richness and prosperity.. there is nothing bad that you wanna stick around for? lol jk. If you meant for that to be the case, thats totally fine too! Also, I am one of those ‘vows should be serious’ kind of gals.. but if the beyonce jay-z thing works for you guys, more power to you! 

Post # 11
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

These are just some grammar/spelling edits in bold. PPs have already caught a couple of them.

Today is the happiest day of my life. I get to marry my best friend.You are my true love, you are everything I could have ever wanted and everything I never knew to ask for.You are my prince and my knight and now, finally, my husband. I vow to be at your side at every turn and down every road our life together takes us (remove /down). I vow to be your best friend, your wife and the mother of your children.To be at your side in richness and prosperity, health and happiness and to love and support you through all your endeavors.To always take time to walk the dogs with you, to hold your hand while shopping and to be your extra set of hands in the kitchen.On this, our wedding day, I vow to be everything a good wife is and all that a wife should be to you. To be the Beyoncé to your Jay-Z, the Barbie to your Ken and always the Minnie to your Mickey.

 

These are so sweet! I looove Beyonce and Jay-Z and I love that you have them in there as inspiration 🙂

And while I see you point in not wanting to mention the bad, having just “richness and prosperity, health and happiness,” does kind of make it seem like you won’t be there for the bad things. Which I know isn’t what you mean! Maybe add “and in all other times” to that line, just to cover everything.

Post # 13
Member
3166 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

yeah i don’t consider mentioning the other things talking negatively at all, it’s just being real. people get sick. people go through hard times. your vows mean that you’re going to be there through thick and thin. it sounds like you’re having a lighthearted ceremony, but i think that your vows can still reflect the depth of your love. Something like “To always take time to walk the dogs with you, to hold your hand while shopping and to be your extra set of hands in the kitchen. To crack open a can of soup when you’re sick and to help you up when you stumble.”

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