Post # 1
I have looked around this and other message board for an answer to my question, but I haven’t been able to find a complete answer to my question.
My brother-in-law’s girlfriend is expecting a baby in a few months. I’m not sure if she is having a baby shower or not, as there hasn’t been a mention of one. I know my husband’s parents and grandparents have bought (and given it to the couple already) gifts for the baby. I’m just not sure what type of gift (or if any at all) is appropriate. If a gift is appropriate, when is the best time to give it? Should I have my husband ask his brother what they might like/ want? I think a problem might be that my husband hasn’t discussed with me what his thoughts are. I also feel weird bringing up the topic because this is his family. Typically, for Christmas/ birthdays, we pick out and buy gifts for our own family members and sign the card as having come from both of us. Money can be kind of a weird topic for my husband and me and I don’t want to start a fight. The other layer of concern I have is that both my husband and I are limited in our financial situation. Although showers can be over-the-top, the benefit is that a registry is created; allowing guests to choose items that fit their financial constraints.
Any ideas!? Thank you!
Post # 3
if there’s no shower and you’re going to get them a “smaller” gift I’d probably just bring it whenever you see the baby for the first time. Especially if it’s larger size clothing, or a case of diapers or something they won’t need prior, and probably aren’t super picky about.
If you were getting a larger ticket item, such as a stroller or crib that they’d want beforehand, and parents often put a fair bit of thought into selecting I’d speak to them directly and discuss which one they want.
Post # 4
If she’s still a few months from her due date, it’s possible that shower invitations just haven’t gone out yet. She very well may be registered somewhere. Have you tried searching online?
You can try punching her name in here: http://registry.thebump.com/ and seeing if anything comes up.
As someone who is expecting a baby in just a few weeks, I can tell you I appreciate the small, practical things the most: wipes, diapers (we’re doing cloth but plan to use disposables for the first couple of weeks), burp cloths, bibs, simple onesies, bath items like lotion and baby wash/shampoo. You could make a nice care package of those things if you’re really at a loss for what to get. Or, honestly? A gift card to Babies R Us or Target would also be great.
As for the best time to give the gift, I’m not entirely sure if she really doesn’t end up having a shower. I know I’d prefer to receive gifts on the earlier side so anything that needs washing and putting away can be taken care of.
Also, I’m a bit concerned that you say money is a “weird topic” between you and your husband. This is something you two need to discuss and agree on, I wouldn’t go buying gifts for his family behind his back. Find out what he thinks is appropriate and go from there.
Post # 5
A colleague admitted to me that when she was given a gift of diapers she thought to herself “what a crap present” (understandably!), but after she’d had the baby it became the gift she was the most thankful for. Maybe you could put together a small package of useful items like q-tips, baby wipes, safety pins etc. Those sort of gifts show a lot of thought and love. That way it’s not a “big” present but still a substantial offering. Hope I am making sense!
Post # 6
Thank you all for the quick advice. I’m typed both her name and his name into the registry finder, no luck. Perhaps since we are a few months away from her due date, she hasn’t created one. Or (and this is my gut feeling) she isn’t having a shower.
My plan is to consult my husband before buying a gift. For me, it is more about wanting to know the proper baby gift etiquette, since this is the first family baby for my husband and me, for which we weren’t children ourselves. Right now, I’m trying to figure out ideas about what is appropriate, so when my husband and I do have a conversation, I can offer ideas and suggestions.
You guys have given me some good ideas to think about as potential gift ideas. I’m thinking that yes, a gift is appropriate, which was my gut feeling. I’m also thinking about potential ideas which can be cute and show that thought and love went into the selection, seeing as this is our potential niece/ nephew. Of course if all else fails, a gift card (I should have thought of this myself, temporary memory lapse!) is always the way to go as well.
Of course, I welcome any additional ideas. Thank you all!
Post # 7
@beenie62: I would suggest asking around about a baby shower. Chances are they are having one if it is their first child. My shower is 1 month before my due date, so maybe invites haven’t gone out yet. Maybe ask mil what SIL and Brother-In-Law will need? Personally I would bring a smaller gift closer to their due date or after the baby is here. If you don’t have a ton of money what about ordering them take out once a week for a few week, or bringing them dinners? Are you crafty? Try making a few onesies or a blanket?
Post # 8
I think that any gift for a new baby will be welcomed, and I’m not sure what you really mean about it being ‘appropriate’ or not. The gift? The giving of any gift at all?
Why not ask your Mother-In-Law what she’s gotten for them and what she knows they need? I’m going to be a new Grandmother in September, and I’ve already bought a ton of gifts for the baby but have given her only about a dozen things so far. The rest will be for her shower, and for when I need to pull out something for a ‘just because’ moment. lol
Post # 9
Ask your Mother-In-Law if they are having a shower or if she knows what they would like.