(Closed) Proper etiquette about children at weddings?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Randi156:  Address the invites to the adults only. Make it clear on the RSVP card how may people are invited (i.e. “We have reserved 2 seats in your honor”).

You could also put an FAQ section on your website and say:

Are kids invited?

With an answer of:

We are planning this wedding as an adults only affair, please leave the little ones at home and come enjoy a night out with us.


However, since you are making one exception for the best man, don’t be surprised if people get upset after the fact because you told them it was a “no kids” wedding but there actually were two kids there.

Also, do any of the other bridal party members have kids? If so, they may feel slighted that his kids were invited but theirs were not.

Post # 4
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with KatNYC.

Are you interested in having those two girls as your flower girls?

People may more easily forgive if the only children are in the wedding party. Otherwise you should extend the “no children” rule to them as well even if they are well behaved.

 

Post # 6
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Honestly everyone understood why we didn’t want kids in our wedding. Our families all supported us on this too.

Just make a decision and stand by it. Can you make the best man’s daughter’s flower girls? Normally wedding party children are allowed and no one else’s kids.

Post # 7
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Can you give them a small role so they have a “reason” for being there? Even something as simple as handing out the programs?

Post # 8
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I have a 2 yo & would have no problem if the best man’s kids were invited & not my own. I think particularly because the rest of the bridal party doesn’t have kids, you’re in the clear. 

I like the suggestion to make them part of the cermony somehow, and I also like @KatNYC2011’s suggestion for addressing the invites to adults only and writing in how many seats are reserved to make it clear that others’ kids aren’t invited.

Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Randi156:  No Problem.

Also I agree with PPs, if the two kids have a “role” in the wedding the guests are much more likely to understand why those kids were exempted from the rule and no others were allowed.

Post # 11
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Randi156:  It’s however you would like to do it. You could have them wear dresses they already own if you aren’t too picky.

Post # 12
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Randi156:  I think the parents buy dresses. You could suggest they pick something up the week after Easter at the inevitable sales stores will be having on dress clothes & maybe just give them some general guidelines.

Post # 13
Member
516 posts
Busy bee

I think including the kids question in the “FAQ” on the wedding website is brilliant.

Post # 14
Member
8438 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Just wanted to give a real life experience on some of the OP’s original post comments- my cousin got married a couple of weeks ago- she excluded everyone’s kids bar her FH’s cousins set of twins because they are angels and never act up 9her words and justification prior to the wedding). This really upset my sister because she is divorced and it was her weekend to have the kids (and because her ex is horrible wouldn’t swap weekends) and she can not afford a babysitter and her normal free babysitters were all going to be at the wedding. And my niece and nephew are well behaved kids. My sister ended up not being able to go the reception and is really really hurt and upset that she wasn’t able to take her kids or herself and be apart of this family event. She did take them to the church because as I pointed out our cousin couldn’t stop her from bringing her kids to the church and my sister really wanted to see my cousin get married (and my niece wanted to see her aunty <just what they call her> in her princess dress).

Well low and behold these kids talked during the ceremony (my niece and nephew did not) and were unholy terrors at the reception and neatly knocked my elderly fraile grandmother over whilst I was helping her to the bathroom.

I think you need to be careful with arbitarily picking and choosing who is included and excluded especially when it can hurt peoples feelings. Either have all kids or no kids.

Post # 15
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@j_jaye:  Good call. I’m one of those who thinks that the bride/groom should be able to make almost any decision that they want regarding the wedding. However, I agree with j_jaye that making “arbitrary” distinctions can lead to hurt feelings.

We’re only inviting our nieces and nephews to our wedding (2 total. He has none, I have two). That makes it clear cut and hopefully reduces hurt feelings.

Good luck! I’m sure you’ll make the right decision.

Post # 16
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Their is nothing wrong with not wanting kids at your wedding. The only kids allowed at my wedding are the one’s that are part of the wedding party, whichhappens to be my children, ages. 4 and 2. If you don’t like it too bad. I don’t want a bunch of kids running around at my wedding. Ive already had people call me, asking if they can bring their kids and I said no. Which I don’t understand because it says, not once, but twice on my invites that, it’s an adult reception ONLY.  

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