(Closed) Proper Etiquette For Receiving Too Large A Gift?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

I would send him a thank you card expressing how grateful you are.  And then simply not cash the check.

Post # 4
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Meowkers: If they balance their checkbook they will know that the check was not cashed yet, and may feel uncomfortable until it is cashed because they are expecting that money to come out of their account.

@mwg569: This is a really rough situation. I’m not sure what to advise. I think it would hurt them for you to send back the check, but because of what I said above it’s also not great to keep the check and not cash it.

I’m interested to see what other bees have to say.

Post # 5
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It’s more insulting that you mention in anyway that he couldn’t afford what he gave. And unless you have a hand in his finaicial planning, are you most certain he doesn’t have assets in which he can afford such a large amount.

But do NOT mention anything like thank you BUT… just thank him. Either cash it or don’t. (like the above poster suggested.)

Post # 6
Member
1415 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think you should accept the gift. It is their choice whether to give it, and say it was a household item that cost $1000, you wouldn’t return it and send them the money, would you? It seems to me that it is rude not to accept someone’s gift. You may not know the whole story behind their finances. 

Post # 7
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m leaving this one for Katyelle… no clue o.O

Post # 8
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would accept the gift.  As the gift receiver, it’s not up to us to decide what someone can or cannot afford – that is up to the giver.

Post # 9
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

So long as you are certain that the check was meant to be $1,000, instead of $100, then I would cash it and write a very heart-felt thank you letter.

Post # 10
Member
5784 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

Write a very nice thank you letter and deposit the check. It is rude to presume you understand their finances better than they do.

Post # 11
Member
4693 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would definitely not just not cash the check.  It drives me crazy when people hold on to checks and I keep checking to see if it’s been cashed yet.  I also think it would be rude to return the check to him, to me that would be like telling him that you know better than he does what he can and cannot afford, and honestly I don’t think he would have given you the check if he couldn’t afford to do so.

Post # 12
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Just had a brilliant thought- Cash the check, then for christmas send him a card with a really big check inside, like $500 😉

Post # 13
Member
2693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

If his financial situation is as you described, not only would I feel badly accepting that money, I would also worry and wonder if the check was written incorrectly.  I would assume he meant to write it for $100, and then I would be freaking out about cashing it.  I’m not sure what to do either, but I wouldn’tw ant to offend him, or overdraft his bank account, OR assume that he was giving me that much money, when I know he has had financial struggles recently!! I’m trolling this thread to see what others suggest…

Post # 15
Member
584 posts
Busy bee

I’m not sure about the proper etiquette for the situation, but FWIW I don’t think it’s super rude to say something like “thank you SO much, but we simply can’t accept such a large gift!” I do think it’s rude to say “we know you can’t afford such a large gift!”

Post # 16
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

It would be impolite to tell him what he can/cannot afford. He is an adult and can choose what to give you.

While you may think it overly generous it may be his usual gift.

Do not presume to know more about his finances then he, and cash his cheque and send a lovely thank you.

Don’t mess with his finances by simply not cashing the cheque.

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