(Closed) Proper Etiquette For Receiving Too Large A Gift?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
1331 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

View original reply
@QuietOne: I like that idea. I wouldn’t give it back to him as a Christmas present, I feel like that might set an extravagant gift precedent for your relationship. Send him an anonymous gift card for gas or something.

Post # 32
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Say thank you, cash it, and buy him a nice xmas gift. It’s really not that deep. If he couldn’t afford it, he wouldn’t give it. You have no idea what “struggling” this year means… it could mean that he did well for several years and stacked his money in a savings account… Worrying about this is pointless, IMO. Cash it and move on.


Post # 33
2582 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would also feel really uncomfortable!!

What about donating a chunk of it (250 or so) to a charity for the Holidays in his name?  The Heiffer Foundation is a great one. So is Partners in Health.  Then you can send a card with the charity information and say something along the lines of

“we were overwhelmed by your generousity and felt compelled to share it with those less fortunate than we are”

Post # 34
4335 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think cashing it and then doing *anything* else besides using it yourself (or possibly finding a way to return part of it to him,) defeats the purpose! (like giving it away to charity.) Either he gets it, or you!

I, personally, like the idea of finding a way to invest it back in his business.

Post # 35
2390 posts
Buzzing bee

yeah. i would cash it and find a way to give some back to him somehow. 

Post # 36
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

i love Joy2011’s idea of seeing if you can invest it back to his business. What does he do? would you be able to do something like that?

Post # 37
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think you should use the money for anything other than it’s intended purpose. No one but him really knows his financial status. It’s not your place to judge. If I gave someone a generous gift and then found out they donated it or tried to give me a part of it back in a gift, I would be bothered and likely slightly annoyed myself. Just cash the check and write a thank you expressing your grattitude like any other check and leave it at that.

Post # 38
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d say send the thank you (which you already did). They’re expecting it to clear, so may as well go cash it soon so it balances. If you feel like holding on to it for a while just in case they come into need, then that’s ok, but I wouldn’t give him money directly. Maybe sponsor a radio ad for his business or buy a box of the promotional things that they hand out if you feel like you should return part of the gift to them.

Post # 39
4886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think you would REALLY offend him by not cashing it, giving part of it back, or basically doing anything but graciously thanking him and using the money toward your new life together.

I’m sure it’s difficult to process such a generous gift, but this was absolutely intentional on his part and for you to refuse it in any way, no matter how gracefully, would be like turning your nose up to it.  Please don’t do that!

Post # 40
4354 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Is his business anything you cold benefit from? Could you cash the check and then use some of the money towards hiring him/buying something from his store that you need/want…?

Post # 42
336 posts
Helper bee

double post

Post # 43
2085 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

Since he had to write “thousand” out on the line under your name, I think it’s safe to say he didn’t accidently add an extra zero.


Interestingly, a few months ago, I shared the story of a friend whose husband wanted to give his sister $1,000 as a wedding gift.  My friend was upset about the amount because they have three young children and spent a small fortune on traveling cross country for the wedding.

There were many replies saying that $1,000 seemed like a fine amount to give.

Customs vary from family to family.  Perhaps your uncle is pleased to be especially generous when it comes to weddings. 

Cash the check, send a thank you. You have a new favorite uncle.

Post # 44
37 posts
  • Wedding: March 2012

Depending on his heritage, that may be the type of gift that they give for weddings, and would be offended if you don’t cash it.  There is a large italian community where I live, and they always give very large gifts.  Also, is he married?  If not put the money into a bond of some sort and re-gift it to him for his wedding, and you make the interest?

Post # 45
1747 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@MrsDrRose612: I agree, maybe the check was meant for $100. I would call and touch base with him prior to cashing the check.

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