- 7 years ago
My youngest son and FDIL have been engaged since May. Love my FDIL, we’ve met her parents, they are friends.
FDIL *just* found out on July 20th that her father has cancer – his prognosis is 3 months, maybe 6 months.
Son & FDIL were not planning on getting married until 2013. Her dad is losing about 2 pounds per day. The tumor is lodged on his spine and in his esphogus, and is too close to his heart, so there is nothing the doctors can do. Son & FDIL are 23 & 22.
Son & FDIL, my Darling Husband and I were talking – actually FDIL and I were discussing all of this for several hours while son was at work. FDIL explained that her dad was sorry he couldn’t walk her down the aisle, it was the one thing he was going to miss knowing his death sentence. FDIL’s mom asked if the kids would consider getting married now.
I told FDIL I have no problem with it – it saddens me that the kids will not have the big wedding/reception they want – and I know that this is something my son also wants – he has already been adamant about it – he has a lot of relatives & friends, they both do.
I said to the kids.. and this is where my “proper etiquette questions” come in:..
I would quietly get married with the dress, rings, in a wedding chapel and have just your parents with you – total of 6 people. This way her dad could walk her down an aisle, see her in a dress, etc. I then said, and this is probably where I may be a bit out of line… but, I said that they would need to keep it completely quiet, not tell others – because once word got out they were “married” – whether fancy or not – they were officially married and the big reception, etc.. basically was just a party, no vows, dancing, reception, showers, before parties, gifts, celebrations with family and friends. I said then, just plan something small for a year from now. Don’t LIE about it, but don’t go around telling everyone. Damn, just typing it out, sounds wrong, so I know I’m in the wrong here.. *sigh*
Okay, so I realize that may incite some, I’m sorry, I feel so bad for both the kids. They are flat broke, so any money for a dress, license, chapel, would have to come from Darling Husband and I. (son is still in college and only works weekends, FDIL works about 35 hours a week – they live in a house we own).
Would something like this be okay, given the situation? I know the kids are just torn, it is all so sad. For someone who is only 22, this FDIL of mine is showing amazing strength and responsibility with everything going on. (her mom is also very ill with hip and spine problems so she is afraid her mom won’t be around long when her dad dies).
Thank you for reading and offering advice/suggestions.