(Closed) Proper etiquette for sad situation? (or just toss etiquette out?)

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Lots of bees have done similarly, whether for family like in this situation or for health insurance, military deployments, whatever. It’s their lives. I cannot imagine putting the importance of a party before having my dad walk me down the aisle, and if I could have traded my entire wedding for that, I would have. I hope they can come to something that makes them happy and brings peace to their families, and good luck to them.

Post # 4
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think this is something that the bride and groom should decide themselves. Especially since it’s her dad that’s sick.

Post # 5
Member
10569 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

I agree, it’s up to the couple.  If it were friends of mine, anything they decided on would be fine with me.  Secret wedding, then wedding for show; or the small ceremony and then a large reception a year later.  They could even show a video of the ceremony at the reception.  If anyone actually deserves an invitation to the wedding, they should understand why they had a small ceremony early.

Post # 6
Member
921 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

i thnk its a wonderful idea. if they are fine with that and it makes everyone that need to be (parents and bride and groom) happy then they should go for it!

Post # 7
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

For me, I found it off and I would be hurt if someone told me to keep it quiet if we did get married early. They didn’t ask for this, they don’t have control over this situation. Why do they have to be quiet about it? If friends and family can’t understand why they did if and be supporting and loving and attend a more formal event a year from now, then to me that is horrible. For me, ettiquite is so far out the window on this one.

Post # 9
Member
14424 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

So sorry to hear about your FDILs sad situation.  If I were get married now so that my father could walk me down an isle, I would not lie about it and not tell everyone I was married.  To do that, to me, would “cheapen” the experience with my father since I couldnt share the situation and experience with everyone, and then throw a big party later as if it never happened.  I dont see anything odd with doing it the way you described now, just the 6 of you, and then having the big celebration later.

Post # 10
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think it’s a good idea, I would do the same thing were I posed with that situation. 

Post # 11
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee

I’m going to throw this out here. but I think its a horrible idea. My wedding date is 11/3/13. I know that there is a very good chance that my grandfather (who will be walking me down the isle) will not be there and that my grandmother might not be there either. But I’m not getting married and then hiding it. My grandfather is the most important person in my life. 

 

I fought with this forever and even said that I wouldn’t get married if my grandfather wasn’t there. But that is part of life. he won’t be there in person but he will be there in spirit. 

Post # 12
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

due to the situation (and military couples do something similar quite often)  i could totally understand bringing forward the ceremony and im sure (hoping) guests/family would understand given the fact that her father is dying, having her dad see her marry isnt something she can get a second chance at doing later on

going forward if i was a guest invited to a wedding 2yrs down the track, well its not a wedding its a renewal and i think its only right to be honest to your guests

Post # 13
Member
46336 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would respect whatever decision they made. It’s their life and their wedding, hence their decision- no one else’s.

 

Post # 15
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m so sorry to hear such sad news. I think having your son and FDIL get married now- with just the six of you- would be a very very special thing. But I wouldn’t try to hide it/lie about it. I think everyone will accept the fact that a small ceremony needed to take place, considering the circumstances. Maybe next year (or in a few, when they’re ready), they can throw a vow renewal ceremony/celebration and find a special way to honor her father during that time. Ultimately, though, I would let FDIL decide what she wants to do (not that your son’s opinion isn’t important)- and you and your husband and son support whichever descision she makes. She is lucky to be marrying into such a caring and supportive family! Best of luck to you.

 

Post # 16
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee

@r0ddysm0m: It will still be her wedding day. I can’t imagine my grandfather not being there but that is part of life. I understand that she is emotional. I was too. But at the end of the day I know that he would want me to be happy. He loves my Fiance and I know that he approves. He has told me many times. Do what you need to even if I’m not there. 

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