(Closed) Proper Invite Wording, when your paying, not your parents?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

from what i’ve seen and friends of mine, usually when the couple is paying they write “together with their families, bride and groom invite you…” that way it shows family support but doesn’t imply they’re hosting it. you could always get ride of the “together with their families” part if you don’t like it.

Post # 4
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yourname & Hisname

Request the pleasure of your compny (civil ceremony)/


Request the honour of your company (religious ceremony)

at their marriage on the twenty-seventh of August, two thousand and eleven

at XX time.

Address of Venue.

Post # 5
2422 posts
Buzzing bee

This was the wording on our invite:

Mr. SuperKate
Joyfully invite you to share in the 
Celebration of our marriage

Post # 6
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

We are paying for about 90% of the wedding, and I think we are using the “together with their families” line.  

Post # 7
5797 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

Fiance and I chose to list our parents even though theyre not paying (they did raise us after all). We did:


daughter or Mr. LGENZ and Mrs. LGENZ


Mr. Fiance

Son of Mr. Fiance & Mrs. Fiance

Request the pleasure of your company

at the celebration of their union

You could always just delete the parent names if you don’t want them on the invite

Post # 8
1129 posts
Bumble bee

We paid for our wedding and this was the wording exactly our invites:

My Name & His Name

invite you to join them 

in celebrating their marriage









reception to immediately follow



I will say that plenty of people DO want to honor their parents by putting them on the invitations regardless of who is truly hosting.  We did have some family issues that made us VERY proud to be able to say we hosted our own wedding without putting any emphasis on either of the four sets of parents between us.  At our rehearsal dinner and during our speeches we thanked them publicly for their love, support and contributions – I also designed the programs in a way that called attention to our families and named them as a sign of respect – and I personally felt that was enough.

Post # 9
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We’re paying and we did:

Together with their Families





Post # 11
1696 posts
Bumble bee

To be rigourously correct — and no, I don’t expect anyone to do it, but I like to put it on record —

1) The person hosting does NOT indicate who is paying. “Hosting” means that they are taking responsibility for the style and taste of the event, and (more importantly) for the comfort and well-being of their guests; and hence have a deciding “say” on all aspects of the event. Your financial arrangements are done in private.

2) Since there must be exactly one hostess, and the only person who may be named along with her is her husband, and you are not yet married, *you* should be issuing the invitations in your name.

3) The invitation should be either consistently formal (i.e. third-person wording, use of titles and surnames) or consistently informal (first-person wording, use of first names).

4) The invitation needs to state Who is doing the inviting, Whom they are inviting, to What, When, and Where.

Which give you either:

Miss Hardy Poole
requests the pleasure of the company of

<blank space to write in name of guest(s)>

at her wedding to
Mr Future Intended
on Saturday the twenty-third of April two thousand eleven
at eleven o’clock in the morning
at the Astoria Hotel

(or, if you wish, you may use “requests the pleasure of your company” instead of having a write-in line, in which case you must use a second, inner envelope inside the mailing envelope, on which you write the names of the guests whom you are inviting.)

OR, all hand-written:

Dear <guest’s first name>

I am going to be married to Future Intended on Saturday the twenty-third of April at eleven o’clock in the morning at the Astoria Hotel. Future and I hope that you will be able to join us for the wedding.

Love, Hardy Poole


Post # 12
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

wooooooah. My time machine seems stuck in 1950.

Post # 13
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@HardyPooleParty:  My parents aren’t contributing ANYTHING.  Fiance is estranged from his father but his mother gave us $1,500 for the venue and is paying for the rehearsal dinner.  That’s why we decided to do “Together with our families….”  While my parents aren’t contributing, I still feel like b/c I’m their daughter, the announcement is coming from all of us.  Plus, I just think it’d be weird if you listed your FI’s parents but not your own.  Also, the financial matters of our wedding are OUR business – we don’t discuss with each other’s families who is paying for what.

Post # 15
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@HardyPooleParty:  I do know.  FI’s father is the exact same.  They spoke for the first time in 12 years last Father’s day, then again just before Christmas and finally he called two days after FI’s birthday this month to wish him a happy birthday.  He lives 10 mins away from us (no joke).  He doesn’t acknowledge our wedding whatsoever.  It’s like he takes it personally that FI’s mother divorced him 20 years ago (rightfully so) so now he’s anti-marriage.  We’re not even sure if he’ll be attending – Fiance almost hopes he doesn’t.

I guess when we say “Together with our families” it’s more the family that has supported us and been there for us … if people just assume that means his father, then I guess there isn’t anything we can do.

Post # 16
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

We did the same as others are mentioning. We had our names listed first and then “together with their parents”.

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