(Closed) Property Dilemma

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Sorry but I really don’t like that line of thinking. Sure, living together first is great but buying a house together so you can live together is a whole other thing. You’re already making a committment by purchasing a property together!

I think if you’re not comfortable with the situation as is that you don’t need to be buying a place together. 

Post # 4
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Your actions speak for themselves; in his eyes, you say one thing (that you want to wait) but then do another (continue to look at property). You have to decide which one you’re more serious about then stick to your guns!

Post # 5
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

DON”T DO IT.

Seriously, don’t.  It sounds like he wants to play house instead of committing to a marriage. It is one thing if you are OK with that, but if you aren’t then don’t do it.

Please, please don’t do it.  Do not buy joint (LARGE) assets before you are married!

Post # 6
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee

If you don’t know what to do, error on the side of caution.

I speak from experience when I say DON’T IGNORE THE FEELING IN YOUR GUT!

Post # 7
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I was in the same position although we were renting together when we bought our house. I didn’t necessarily give him an ultimatum but we talked and I explained how I felt and he promised that enagegment would come soon after buying our house. We had to make a decision about buying vs. renting until after we were married as our lease was up and getting even more expensive. It made better financial sense to buy a house and we both knew that we would be married soon. He proposed before a year was up – We were in our house for 10 months before he proposed. It wasn’t necessarily the order I wanted to do things in but financially it was the best move for us.  

Post # 8
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

To clarify (as that may be misinterpreted): My post wasn’t saying buy a house it was saying do what is best for you as a couple.

Post # 9
Member
11355 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I would listen to your gut on this and NOT make the most significant purchase of your life before you are at the very least engaged — WITH a firm wedding date, but preferrably not until you are actually married.  Darling Husband and I settled on our first home six months after our wedding. If you make this purchase now, and anything goes wrong in your relationship, it will be far, far more complicated to extract yourself — and your equity! — from that type of situation.

Post # 10
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

I wouldn’t do it— in my experience, living with my then SO contributed to a delayed proposal.

Post # 11
Member
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

Well, I don’t see why he doesn’t want to rush into engagement but he’s willing to rush you into buying property before you’re ready. Basically, just as he spoke up, you need to speak up and stand by it. 

Post # 12
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

@victoria1990:  Why can’t he buy it on his own? That way, he still gets property, but you aren’t stuck in it with him. Engagement is nothing compared to breaking up owning property. I’m not engaged  but I own, so I know it wouldn’t be easy. (I own it alone, would never do it with a boyfriend or fiance, no way.)

Post # 13
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I come at this from a different perspective… we bought property together 2 and a half years ago and our relationship has grown so much through this experience. I obviously dont have any moral or religious reasons against living together before marriage – but if you do, then voice them now.

But having bought a house together, yes it might have delayed an engagement, but we wouldnt be as sure as we are now that we are meant to be together. For my boyfriend he wanted to feel that he could provide and that we were set up well before we contemplated marriage. So, that is what we have done.

We both feel very happy with our choice and we love our little place!

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