Proposal advice for a guy

posted 2 years ago in Proposals
Post # 2
Member
7814 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

My guess is that she just wants to be engaged to you sooner rather than later, and doesn’t want the engagement to be put on hold cause you feel you need to save up a ton of money for an elaborate ring/proposal. If you continue dragging it out and making excuses about not being able to afford a ring, she may start to worry that you don’t actually want to marry her. We see these fears all the time on this forum.

When is your vacation planned? If it’s in the near future i’d just do it then as planned, but if it’s many months away and you sense your SO is getting antsy, I would just do it on a camping trip or sometime sooner.

It sounds like your heart is in the right place though, whatever you decide! Good luck!

Post # 3
Member
9828 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

She just wants you to propose, period. It doesn’t matter where or how, what matters is the proposal itself and her knowing that you ARE serious about her and you really DO want to marry her and aren’t just making excuses.

I would be very careful in dragging it out for too long with things like “I can’t afford a ring” or “I want it to be perfect”. If you read through posts on this site from the waiting boards you will see hundreds of women who come here totally fed up and ready to leave their relationships because their partners have been feeding them lines like this for months (or years) and they believe he has no intention of marrying them, doesn’t prioritize their feelings and is basically leading them on. 

When is the vacation? If it’s next week, okay, maybe you can wait that long. If it’s three months from now, I might rethink things.

Post # 4
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Why not go for a hike while you’re on vacation and propose then? I think that’s both romantic and special to you both, as you love the outdoors. Just imagine how you think she wants to be proposed to. It doesn’t sound to me like the where really matters to her. Will she want a bottle of champagne after? Pictures? Tell her loved ones immediately or enjoy the weekend first?

My friend was proposed to on a hike. Her bf said “wow this is such a great view! Lets get a pic”. He propped up his phone on his backpack, set it to self-timer, and got down on one knee instead of posing! Super cute, and a seriously great pic with the mountain valley as a backdrop. 

Post # 5
Member
11650 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

It sounds like she loves you and is focused on just wanting to be engaged. It sounds like you love her and are focused on wanting to please her.

you can best please her, it sounds like, by proposing, as PP said. 

Come back and tell us how it went! 

Post # 6
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee

guyneedsadvice :  Dude, just propose already!  I say that with kindness.  You’re way overthinking this.

If you want it to be in a romantic setting, like on vacation, then hold out for that IF it is not in the too distant future.  In fact, I would only propose on vacation if you’re going before the end of the year.  If it’s not until next year, think about all the times that you can do it before hand – all the holidays coming up, like Christmas and New Year’s Eve, even Thanksgiving.  The holidays can be very romantic by themselves and each time one goes by and you haven’t proposed, your girlfriend is going to continue to get frustrated, especially once she hears that you’ve had the ring for months.

Her telling you that she would take a plastic ring and would want a camp proposal is her way of telling her that the time and place isn’t important.  She just wants the proposal.

At the same time, I don’t think your wants should be lost in this.  If it was your dream to propose on an expensive vacation, then I don’t think that should be ignored but realize that holding on to that if it’s months out can cause some frustration.

My Fiance proposed at home just the two of us.  It was a magical moment and something I’ll never forget.  Most women don’t need all the hoopla.

Post # 7
Member
960 posts
Busy bee

If it helps, my fiancé proposed on the bridge on river Cam where we had our first kiss during sunset. His heart told him it was the right time to do so despite telling me he would only ask after I have submitted my thesis. I was very touched after he told me everything. And he nailed the location. Follow your heart. All your girlfriend wants is to be with you. So even if it’s in front of the kitchen stove she’d be pleased you have the courage to propose. I thought be on one knee was very touching. Update us when you’re ready! All best!

Post # 8
Member
960 posts
Busy bee

guyneedsadvice :  p/s don’t use excuses of “I can’t afford the ring”.. but yeah.. like everyone else, I’d say “just do it!”

Post # 9
Member
4499 posts
Honey bee

Yeah – telling you a piece of plastic and a hike is all she needs is not her saying “I’m just thinking about your wallet and financial well-being, honey.”  It’s her saying sh*t or get off the pot.

Stop overthinking.  Stop making up stories about why you aren’t proposing to scheme.

Any day she gets proposed to will be a good memory.  How often do you think she is getting proposed to?  Also, if you’re planning for this to be the best memory for all the rest of her days AND you also plan on being with her all the rest of her days then that’s a pretty big let down because there’s a whole lot of hopefully really good days and memories after a proposal.  Stop focusing on this one being the biggest, bestest, most surprisingest day ever and follow your feelings.  Heartfelt beats elaborate scheme every time.

 

ETA:  I originally read “this year” as next year.  so if your plans are within the next 45 days, go ahead and keep them.  She’s not saying she only wants to be proposed to on a hike, she’s saying hurry it the f*** up.  But for the love of *insert favorite deity here* stop with the “I can’t afford…” and scheming.  After 3.5 years she probably has a good idea of your finances and it’s just stupid.  If your vacation plans aren’t in the next 45 days, then get started on a faster plan.

Post # 11
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee

guyneedsadvice :  A lot of commentors here are going to project the common-on-the-weddingbee scenario of the woman waiting and secretly dying inside onto your situation. Hence all the calls to “just propose already!!”

Based on your update, that scenario doesn’t actually seem to be the case in your situation. Your Girlfriend seems to just be focused on the right thing (marrying you) vs the ring or the proposal. Saying you don’t need an expensive ring or a fancy proposal is not ALWAYS code for “please just propose ASAP – I’m desperate!”

IMO, your trip in December isn’t so far away that it’s going to hurt anything to wait. After all, she’s happy with waiting until next year, per your agreed-upon plans. I say stick with your vacation plan. It sounds romantic and well thought-out, and I think she’ll be surprised and appreciative of the effort you put in.

I was someone who didn’t care AT ALL about the proposal. I was prepared to be handed the ring unceremoniously at home. But was I overjoyed when Fiance actually planned a surprise trip, flew me to Napa, and had my best friend from high school (who I hadn’t seen in 5 years) and her husband meet us there? Umm – yes. I was.

It’s also nice to become engaged on a trip… you wind up in this romanitc little bubble feeling apart from the rest of the world. You come home with these very vivid memories of your time together  away from the “normalcy” of your everyday lives. At least that’s how it was for us. 

Good luck with whatever you decide!

Post # 12
Member
7814 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Yeah given your update I would just wait for the vacation you have planned in a few weeks! You know your SO better than a bunch of internet strangers obviously, but a romantic proposal during a hike while on vacation sounds pretty great to me. I think she will be delighted !

Post # 13
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

No, you won’t. Just plan for something to celebrate afterwards, like reservations at a fancy  restaurant or a good bottle of champagne and cheese board back at your bnb. 

Post # 14
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

As previous bees have said, I think it’s more likely to be her way of saying she doesn’t care how or with what you propose, just that you propose. Given your previous conversations about getting engaged next year, it might not be that she wants the engagement immediately but is worried that the timeline might not happen as agreed which isn’t too surprising since you keep telling her you can’t afford the ring.
Waiting until December isn’t a huge length of time at all, and the proposal you have planned sounds really romantic so if that’s what you want to do, and you think she will like it, then stick to it. I’m not sure there’s many people here who would argue they couldn’t wait an extra few weeks (even us waiting bees who’ve been hanging on for months already).
Try to stop misleading her about not being able to afford the ring though if possible. If she brings it up try saying something like “I want to make sure I do it right” or allude to having ideas/plans but that they aren’t in place yet. It might waylay any fears she might have (especially if she goes on forums like this where the phrase “I can’t afford the ring you deserve” tends to be routed by guys who don’t ask for years, or at all)

Post # 15
Member
2510 posts
Sugar bee

Early Decemeber (only a few weeks away!) on a hike sounds lovely. My fiance also proposed to me on a hike in a beautiful secluded spot while we were on vacation, and I couldn’t think of anything more romantic. It wasn’t “fancy” but it was thoughtful and intimate and perfect for me/us. And it was great to be able to go back to the lodge after our hike, order room service, relax, and enjoy being newly engaged. I don’t think you should worry about it not being extravagant enough. The sentiment of the moment is what makes it special, not whether you set up a million candles on a dock or something rom-com-worthy. Extra points if you bring along a bottle of champagne and/or ingredients for a simple meal (spaghetti w marinara even) so that you can head back to the cabin after your hike and make dinner and drink champagne together (or, if there’s a nice restaruant in the area you could book reservations instead). 

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