(Closed) Proposal anxiety and worries…anyone else??

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
210 posts
Helper bee

@she_might_be_modern:  Relax! If you big it up or get to anxious about it. It’s never going to live up to your expectations. I am such a control freak, myself. So I hear you. My boyfriend is supposed to propose in the next month…so I am also in the same boat. But I know it wont be special or romantic if I hint at him what he should do or try to take the reigns myself… the truth is.. you can find romanticism in almost any way he choose to propose but you have to  be willing to see it and not be too focused on what he “could” or “should do 🙂

I have to tell myself the same things! Just relax and enjoy the moments.

Post # 4
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Rebar

@she_might_be_modern:  omg I have the same feelings. I am also feeling anxious about the actual proposal. I also have 35 more days till out timeline ends. this proposal has been a LONG time coming. Very LONG time. i am freaking out about everything….the actual proposal…SO is not much of setting up surprises…so I have a distinct feeling the proposal won’t be this elaborate proposal which I am absolutely fine with!! But I do want it to be a surprise…n SO is not good at keeping surprises. I am nervous about what will happen after the proposal….planning the wedding and setting a date which SO firmly believes we should get married on st Patrick’s day…lol but I am leaning towards June 15 2014- our 10 year anniversary! Also my family will be out of the country for almos. The entire month of dec 🙁 my sister who I am so close to will be going in this trip 🙁 I am really sad about this…

Post # 6
3938 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

You sound like me except the moving away bit. I worry that coming to these boards will have made me build up unrealistic expectations. My SO is somewhat romantic, but also precictable. I’m worried he won’t end up proposing by the end of the year like he told me he would, and I dread explaining that to everyone who knows I’m anxiously waiting. I also worry about the ring choice because I am a control freak too. I just have to trust that he knows what my style is after going ring shopping several times. i just have to tell myself to relax and let things unfold. 

Post # 7
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

@she_might_be_modern:  omg me. You’re not alone. I feel anxious about the proposal too. It’s like fear of the unknown, cause it’s something I’ve never experienced before and the same for SO. I’m trying really hard to just let it go and not to think about it but I feel like my mind just wanders and I ask myself all these questions! Like I hope he gives me a heads up to look decent or to have my nails done! I like live in scrubs and rarely have my nails done cause I’m a nurse so :/. So I’m a tad worried about that lol. I also worry that what if he proposes later than the time period we discussed. I’m hoping he will propose by the end of December, like Dec 31st or maybe even into early January. Like your SO, he’s really busy with work and I know he just hasn’t had the time to think about planning the when and where etc.

I did tell him that I would like to have my parents around during the proposal and not in a very public place where there are strangers around. To top it off he likes to joke around and says “so when the flash mob comes in…” He always talks about a freaking flash mob, which he knows I would not want lol. But I know he’s just trying to throw me off. But yeah, I’m anxious! I’m just trying to be patient, learn self-control, and just enjoy the ride as my last few days/weeks/months as his Girlfriend. 🙂

Post # 8
1397 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@she_might_be_modern:  Oh hunny, I feel like you have all the fears I had, and our situations are so similar!  I have been engaged for about 2 months now and I’ll tell you how it all went down : )  My Fiance and I have lived together for 4 years and been together for 7.  We are ALL comfort and gross cute all the time.  We tell eachother everthing that ever crosses either of our minds and he also isn’t a grand gesture guy so I knew he wasn’t going to plan anything crazy.  I had been actively waiting for atleast a year, and it felt like it was almost stupid that he was even going to propose because we had been planning to get married for so long anyway.  I was worried I wouldn’t cry, I was worried it wouldn’t feel exciting, and I also live across the country from my family so I was worried that I would be really sad not being able to tell them in person.  Well, finally after SO MUCH WAITING and SO MUCH WORRYING I came home one night, and all the lights were off in the apartment but there were candles burning everywhere.  He came up to me and I immediately started sort of hyperventilating.  He took my hand and all he said was “I know you’ve had a long week, and I think I know how to make it better.”  He pulled out the ring and started to put it on my hand.  I actually stopped him and asked him to please ask the “official question” because he was literally ready to just put the ring on my finger. lol.  I cried a little, but mostly my heart was just pounding and I just hugged him for hours because I couldn’t believe it had finally happened.  The 24 hours after felt silumtaneously totally insane and totally normal.  Like “how is this real” and also, “of course I’m marrying my best friend!”  The phone call to both sets of parents resulted in great joy and many happy tears, and all of our friends were so happy and showered us with love and sweet wishes.  I guess what I’ve come to realize is that even though the proposal was SO simple, and even startled me with how informal it was, the weeks and months since have been SO filled with utter joy and love toward eachother that it truly doesn’t matter.  We are just blissful knowing that we get to marry eachother and planning our wedding has been an amazing journey to begin together and makes me even more sure everyday that I can’t wait to be his wife.  I can honestly truly say that even though I didn’t cry as much as I thought I would, even though our families were far away and even though he forgot to actually ask, our engagement has been more perfect and full of incrediblel life altering happienss, and I know yours will be too. : ) 

Post # 9
8036 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

It’s just a moment in time… I don’t know anyone in real life who thinks about their proposal with any regularity.

The important thing is that you agree to get married. If you cry, laugh, go blank, etc. etc. it doesn’t matter.


Post # 10
68 posts
Worker bee

@she_might_be_modern:  My timeline is also ending this year, and I’m freaking out! I want it to be a surprise proposal but it is making me anxious. He has said the exact words “you are getting your ring this year” but I don’t want to get my hopes up too much! Our 6 year anniversary is on December 15th and Christmas and his birthday are coming up, so there is plenty of days that I will be thinking “Is today the day?”. I’m trying not to think about it so when it does happen I will be in the moment completely. Good luck!

Post # 12
2036 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry that you are feeling this way………..

I’ve been waiting for a proposal a LONG time, and still have time to wait…..I was a little sad for you when I read this:

the proposal won’t be “special”. Now, by special I don’t mean extravagant, so please don’t misunderstand me. I’m just nervous that after waiting all this time, it will be…mundane

Any proposal I get will be special because it’ll be MINE, and I encourage you to feel this way too.

Also….I believe in the law of attraction.  You can always pick apart any situation and make it seem ‘not special enough’….everything is what you make of it.  IF you are looking for it to be not special, then it won’t be Undecided

Good Luck

Post # 13
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Rebar

View original reply
@she_might_be_modern:  unfortunately my family won’t be back till jan 7 🙁 It really sucks a lot….it’s going to be really odd celebrating my engagement without them. Also this would have been my last Xmas with them since next year for sure SO and I will be married. lol as u can see  I am feeling very anxious!!! I am also a bit concern about our short engagement…we both always wanted to get married within a 6 month period from the time we got engaged. i am a little freaked out about the planning!! lol are u planning for a long engagement?!

Post # 14
616 posts
Busy bee

@she_might_be_modern:  Ok so I defiantly feel the same and around that 30day mark I defiantly had a full-fledged meltdown about the whole thing. BUT now that I’m about a week out my anxiety is down. Take a deep breath you can do it!!

But my only still fear is not reacting the “right way” I have wrote about it before I’m an emotional train wreck. What if I don’t have THAT reaction! 

Post # 15
26 posts

 my God,  I’m so glad this isn’t just me.  I’ve had to wait 2 months and as it’s gotten closer he’s basically told me all of the details because I’ve told him I don’t like surprises.  But he’s still kind of acting like it’s a surprise.  So I feel under pressure to react in a certain way. I’m also worried that he’ll make it too low key and not do something meaningful because he’s misinterpreted what I mean by I don’t like surprises.  I’ve been awake for 4 hours with anxiety about it.  About having to pretend it’s a surprise. Or play along to make him happy.  I feel all of this is what he wants and I want to make him happy but I feel awkward.  He also invited all of our friends for a celebration directly afterwards and I’m quite annoyed about that because I would have wanted to tell them together. I don’t want to be annoyed because I know it’s come from a nice place…  But with them thinking it’s a surprise,  I feel they’ll be looking to me to react in a certain way and Im uncomfortable being the centre of attention.  I’m worried I’ll just feel relieved that it’s all over instead of excited and happy. And even worse,  I’m worried I’ll have to pretend to be happy about it all,  I’m a terrible actor. 

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