(Closed) Proposal blues

posted 5 years ago in Proposals
Post # 2
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

So is he living with you right now or not? Have you discussed a specific timeline of when you want to be engaged by and married by? Or did he just move in with no time line? 

 

Post # 5
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
mashlek8 :  I understand that you don’t want to pressure him, but time lines and clear discussions of expectations are important, otherwise you will be disappointed, which is unfair if you haven’t communicated clearly to him your expectations. I think especially since you had orriginally said you didn’t want to live together before being enGged is fair to say at this point ” I would like to be married by this date and would like an engagement of X time to plan a wedding, so ideally I would like to be engaged before X date. What do you think about that?” It’s only pressuring him if you give him an ultimatum of “or else”. 

Post # 6
Member
1008 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
mashlek8 :  Honestly, it doesn’t really sound like you both are aligned. I recommend sitting down and talking timelines with your guy. You’ve already made compromises by letting him move in with you, and so why would he feel like he needs to follow up on his promises? 

Also, the whole thing about “where did we see that ring? They don’t carry it anymore…” I personally think that if he really wanted to get a ring, he would have, even if that exact ring wasn’t available. 

Sorry bee!

Post # 7
Member
605 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
mashlek8 :  this time you are in is when I had to learn what it meant to commit to my girlfriend (now fiancée). Ring or not we proceeded with our lives together and all of this year and last she kept telling me we will buy a home fall of 2016. Not before. I trusted her to have a good reason for the lack of proposal and wanting to wait to buy a home.

Turns out she was waiting for a trip we had booked before our 2 year anniversary and proposed on that trip, 2 and a half months after our 3 year anniversary. She waited and sat on her proposal plan for over a year because that trip was when she felt it was most special to us as a couple and the best timing for what was going on in our lives. Which was very true. 

I know you have been hurt but trust him. Part of marriage is knowing when you both and as a family are ready for big transitions. You feel it but maybe he doesn’t in light of the family member you have lost. If you want to spend the rest of your life with him, just do it. 🙂 he will get around to asking.

Post # 8
Member
3529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

So you compromised your values for him, and now he makes jokes about the ring?  I’d be making plans to move out. 

Post # 9
Member
264 posts
Helper bee

Last Christmas he said it would be in a year. You still have two months. I would just give him the benefit of the doubt and wait until December. Come January 2017 if no proposal, I would sit down and have a serious talk with him. 

Post # 10
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

My Fiance did similar things close towards the time he was going to propose like saying “what was the styles of rings you said you liked again?” or saying “maybe we should ask your parents if I can use one of your grandmother’s diamonds” (because they had offered to let us use one whenever we decided to get engaged and my Fiance had previously said to me that he wanted to get me a diamond himself so I was like huh? when he asked) But it was all to try and throw me off haha He alsotook a while and all my friends were starting to get engaged or have their weddings and everyone would keep asking me and I was getting sort of annoyed with everyone’s questions, but then he suddenly proposed when I least expected it.

He took me out for a bike ride this summer on his birthday weekend, and while we were stopped along the seawall at a bench he proposed and it was perfect and sweet and initmate and the ring – well let’s just say it was worth the wait! 🙂

 

My point is, don’t give up just yet maybe wait a bit longer before you ask him again when it will be 🙂

Post # 11
Member
2848 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

You should have stuck to your guns about not moving in together before you were engaged. Now you caved and it might make him feel like theres less of a need for him to propose since he already got what he wanted, which was moving in together.

Post # 12
Member
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Ok, I’m gonna give you my honest opinion based on what you said in the beginning. You told him that you did not want to compromise your values for the indecision of a man. This was your decision and strong opinion. However, when time came to prove your decision, you again went against your better judgment. You state you knew it likely wouldn’t happen within a year yet you still decided to move in together. I think it’s difficult to expect for someone to follow through on their words when you didn’t follow through on yours. If you felt it wasn’t going to happen, it was time to back away for a bit, take some time to reflect and then decide. If you did this, and still decided to move in with him, marriage must not have felt as essential as just being with him. This is likely his feeling too. You knew he wanted to live together first so he is taking advantage of that before he makes things permanent.

I think you need to have a serious sit down with yourself and figure out what you want and what you’re willing to accept. Then, sit down with him and discuss what need from him and be willing to walk away if he cannot provide it. And this time, if you say to him you are not willing to compromise anymore, be ready to follow through on your words. Good luck bee.

Post # 13
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I disagree – my bf – now Fiance and I lived together for a year and half before he proposed. We had been together for a year before we moved in together. And now we’ve been together a total of 3 years. (he proposed in July of this summer) So I don’t think just because you live together means he won’t propose.

Post # 14
Member
2848 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
MissDevourer9 :  “I think it’s difficult to expect for someone to follow through on their words when you didn’t follow through on yours.”

THIS!

Post # 15
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

1) Can we rewind for a minute. According to this timeline you looked at rings after dating for maybe a year, if even that. And you talk about engagement and living together as items to check of your timeline. I’m not even sure you want to marry THIS GUY but rather get married. After all, your biggest regret was it not happening with the last guy. I support living your values, although your values seem to be more about a ring on your finger than a lived experience, but I also support his wanting to live with you before proposing. You truly learn more about a person and how to be together. Slow it down and reprioritize, bee.

2) He still has two months on the “year” timeline, and he obviously was looking into it anyway so you may be getting what you want. If the stopped carrying the ring, I’m sure he’ll find something similar. Let it go. If it doesn’t happen this year, then yeah you need to sit down and align.

 

The topic ‘Proposal blues’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors