Post # 1
I’ve been engaged for 3 and a half months now and I still can’t seem to get over the fact that I knew he had a ring, knew when he was going to ask, and the unfortunate events right around this time. He is a fantastic guy and the only person I would ever consider being with forever. I’ve gone through phases of just being happy that I’ve found someone to spend the rest of my life with which is how I should feel to feeling incredibly sad and having the sadness overwhelm me.
We currently live together and share a computer and he happened to have his email up and a new message came in confirming the shipment of the ring. He had also told me that he wanted to be engaged before the end of the year. Going off of my busy schedule, there was one weekend open in December so I knew he would go for it. On the Friday evening he took me up to Northern California. The UTI I had been battling earlier in the week came back worse than before while I was at work and it was a very painful 6 hour drive. The hotel he took us to was on the beach and absolutely beautiful. It surpassed any expectation I could have had. But the next day I had to go to the emergency room because the UTI had turned into a full blown kidney infection… what a weekend! He still went through with the proposal the day after. I had to slowly climb a mountain which was pretty tough in my condition to get the ring. I wished he wouldn’t do it right then but he did. Then we had to drive back home shortly after.
2 days later my Grandfather passed away so I was in no mood to share the news or celebrate. We still haven’t really celebrated it. Of course the kidney infection and my Grandfather’s passing were uncontrollable events but when I think about my proposal, I instantly associate these with it too now…
I really want to get over this and just be happy. Afterall, this is pretty huge! Getting engaged is a big deal, right? My fiance’s sister just got engaged last weekend and was surprised by it and I found myself with all of these feelings rushing up again. I’m upset by other things too like her planning a wedding 2 months before when mine would have been. We’re going to have to push it back much more now. I guess I have a lot of emotions flying all over the place!
I know I haven’t processed the passing of my Grandfather yet so I know it’s definitely not just the fact that I wasn’t surprised… I guess I’m just looking to see if anyone has experienced something similar and could give me any advice on how they got over it. I’m not looking to dwell on this. Maybe I just need a swift kick in the butt to bring me some perspective!
Post # 3
Let me begin by saying I am so sorry for your loss. I empathize with your situation. Shortly after I became engaged my mom was dianosed with two chronic illnesses, which required quite a bit of hospitaliization. The first hospitalization was about 5 weeks total with 3 weeks in a hospital, that was 2 hours away. My two younger brothers were both still in school (the youngest was in first and the older was a sophmore in high school). I left school to come home and take care of the boys and my dad stayed with my mom. After my mom would go into the hospital every couple months for 10-14 days at a time. Now almost five years later the hospital stays are only a few days long and have much longer streches in between. My dad and my mom have learned how to control and treat her symptomns at home. So here we are 4 1/2 years after our engagement, finally planning our wedding. My life and feelings are so different now than when I first got engaged. Although this was the most difficult time in my life, but I also grew so much and my relationship with my fiance changed. I know this time should be the most wonderful time in your life, but it’s not and it’s okay. Everything will be okay. Your wedding will be perfect when you have it and your relationship with your fiance will be stronger than you ever imagine. When tragedy strikes you look to the ones closest to you to be your rock and no one will be a bigger rock than your fiance. This is how I knew beyond a shadow of doubt that no matter what happened in our lives my fiance would always be my rock. As he has been as I dealt with the ongoing illness of my mom. This may not be what you imagined for your engagement, but you will be a stronger person because of it.
Post # 4
I am so sorry you are going through all of these things at once! I had a similar experience as well, my mom is coming out of her treatment for breast cancer and my grandmother just got diagnosed with bone cancer, thought not as close to my engagement as yours was. I don’t know if you’re a religious person but when I read your message, I felt the engagement was God providing you with a physical representation that you are not alone during all of these hard times you are having and someone will always be there for you.
Post # 5
Thank you so much for sharing your stories and your beautiful strength with me. The fact that this sadness was triggered in such a big way is a sign that I really need to start processing it and allowing myself to be happy for what I do have. I’m now seeing that it wasn’t even the fact that my fiance’s sister was surprised and excited by her recent engagement. It’s the fact that I never allowed myself to be happy and I didn’t get the chance to go announce my engagement to everyone because I was grieving. It’s time to break free and not feel guilty about having something positive going on. I am sad that I didn’t get to tell my Grandfather I was engaged before he passed on. He passed away unexpectedly but I do recognize that wherever he is, he does know now and he’s happy for me. I’m not a religious person but I am very spiritual and jen24au, what you said really resonated with me. Instead of looking at it as bad timing, I should be grateful for having the engagement at that time when I needed someone to be there by my side.
Thank you both for providing me with the perspective I needed.
Post # 6
Pink Elephant- I can relate to your post and I feel so much empathy for you right now. I found out I was being let go from my job and that my fiance’s dad had leukemia three hours before we got engaged. It took me a few months to feel genuinely excited about being engaged. I even had a hard time focusing on the proposal as it was happening. I was nervous about losing my job and benefits because I have a few longterm health issues and terrified that my fiance was going to lose his dad.
It’s a lot of emotions to process at once, especially the loss of your grandfather. Your engagement is the one extremely happy thing in all the events that are happening in your life right now. I would focus on the fact that someone loves you so dearly. It’s truly a blessing and I wish you the best!
Post # 7
I was told of my dads passing half an hr before I got my ring.
I keep thinking ” I want a do over for my proposal” but this may make my fiancé upset
Now 4 months later we still haven’t had an engagement party, but I know we will organize one once the grieving becomes easier.
You can ‘announce’ ur engagement when u r ready