Post # 1
I already feel like an awful person for feeling,the way I do so pls dont just comment on how horrible I am.
My entire proposal and engagement was 100% disappointment. I have tried to just get over it and move on. I’ve tried to just be happy etc. It doesn’t work. I wish I didn’t feel this way.
He was engaged before and we were like best friends when it happened. So I knew how it all happened. All the surprise and planning involved. He did a lot for her. The ring was a total surprise, he asked her dad permission, planned a whole nigh. And in my eyes went all out for her.
As one would assume, when things came around for us, I assumed same amount of effort, planning, etc would be put into my big moment. But it was complete opposite. I was there when he bought the ring (along w 2 kids so not even like a date together). Then for the proposal, to use his words he simply “winged it”. If I had said No to going to the park he would’ve found somewhere else. there was no planned place. Nothing set up. No speech. said he loved me and asked me to marry him. We had a quick 45 min lunch…not even champagne…and went home. We sat on the couch like it was just an ordinary day and watched tv. Like nothing special at all.
I feel like I got a “leftover” effort of a proposal. Like it was no big deal to him. I had never been proposed to or engaged before so this was it for me. I didn’t feel special at all, but I feel bad for feeling this way about it, it’s making me miserable to feel like I didn’t matter enough to even plan anything.
Opinions/advice pls. I don’t knowwhat to do about how I feel anymore. Resent ment is def setting in if not already.
Post # 2
I’m sure this is not a popular opinion, but I’m not sure why this matters? It sounds like you’re very busy comparing yourself to his first fiancee. He asked you to marry him – why do you need anything else? And frankly, once kids are involved I think the “rainbows and unicorns” style of proposal ship has sailed.
Post # 3
It’s not that you didn’t matter enough for him to plan anything, it’s likely that he felt he didn’t want or need to do a big planned “fairytale” proposal because he already did that and, well, look how it turned out. He’s been there, done that, and now he’s probably in the “This is right; let’s get this show on the road” mindset.
Also, it sounds like the situations between his relationship with you and the relationship with the last woman are different since you mentioned children.
I think you should try to stop comparing his last relationship with his relationship with you. He’s not going to do everything the same way, and the more you compare, the more you cheat yourself out of what could be very nice experiences.
Post # 4
First over people tend to dump all over posters of stuff like this so be prepared. I totally get why you are dissapointed I would be pissed if he put in all this effort for someone he didn’t end up marrying and then for me for just ” winged it”. I will say maybe he felt like last time he did this big proposal and things didn’t work out so maybe he thought going low key was appropriate.
I would express you dissapointment but I would word it in a way where it is not in a argument or telling him how terrible it was. I would ask why he chose to do it in that manner and how he came about it. I would not mention the proposal to the ex because it is not about her it is about how you feel.
Maybe there is something you don’t see when it comes to how he proposed. I have been through a less than great proposal and I know the hurt that comes so I can relate.
Post # 5
Maybe you should just tell him how you feel and go for a fancy night out to celebrate to make it feel more special and official. I get what you’re saying that you just don’t get why if he has it in him to plan a big thing why he didn’t for you. But a big proposal doesn’t mean anything, i.e. why he is no longer with the first girl he proposed to. Be happy that you guys have a great relationship and built upon it.
Post # 6
Please stop comparing your relationship with your Fiance to his and his exs. You’re engaged! This is an excited time!
My Fiance proposed much like yours. It was on the beach, I organized the picnic since he had to work, no champagne (public beach bylaws). I was with him when he bought the ring, and I knew when it showed up at our house. I also knew where he was “hiding it”. But you know what? I love him, and his proposal was very “us”. Laid back, not rushed.
Aftewards, we went back home, called family, watched some Netflix and passed out!
Post # 7
Comparison is the thief of joy. The more you compare what you don’t have to what you do have, the more miserable you will be.
He may have dumped a lot of effort into his first proposal, but that proposal ultimately failed him.
He loves you. You need to focus on that. He loves you and wants to marry you.
It isn’t about the proposal, the ring, or the wedding. It is the fact that he loves you so much that he wants to marry you.
Focus on that.
Post # 8
You are not going to get a good feeling from this thread. Proposals aren’t something people toy with. Sorry you didn’t enjoy it.. but you are to spend your life with this man, are you ever going to be able to get over it and enjoy that aspect? Something to think about.
Post # 9
My fiance proposed tome in our bedroom while I was changing out of my work clothes.. On April Fools Day. Then, we got changed, got in the car, and went to the bar. But, not for fun and champagne. He had to train a new bartender. So I sat there, like I would have any other time. Who cares? Proposals aren’t all about the glitz, glam, rainbows and butterflies. I always say Fiance could have given me a rock wrapped in twine and I would have loved it when people whine about their rings. I feel the same about the proposal. He got down on one knee and proposed to ME. WE are getting married. THAT is what matters.
If you want to marry him, then do it. But stop comparing apples to oranges. Do you want to be the one he left or the one he spends his life with? Do you often compare yourself to his ex? It is unhealthy and it isn’t fair to you or him.
As far as buying the ring: You were there when he bought the ring. You should have opened your mouth and said “I’d rather it be a surprise.”
Post # 10
I don’t see what the problem is. He proposed, he bought a ring, he wants to marry you, what else do you want? If you weren’t special to him, he wouldn’t have proposed in the first place.
If you want a romantic night, why don’t you tell him ‘Babe I’ve been thinking, I think we should have a romantic night together to celebrate our engagement. What do you think of going to restaurant XXX/going away for the weekend?’
Post # 11
I’m going to disagree with a lot of the PP and say, it does matter.
No, it doesn’t matter if he did it in his pjs or you picked the ring. But it does matter that you feel special and specifically thought of. not because of comparison, but because when you agree to marry someone, you need to feel that they are asking you for a darn good reason.
If you look back and realize he did some very special things that were so you two, that’s great. They could be anything. Maybe he picked a ring that shows he listened to you/knows you. Or he wrote a poem or he involved the dog, etc. It could be anything.
But if he just let it slide on by, that’s not okay in my book.
Post # 12
As people get older and they realise that all the “fluff” in the world can’t make up for a lack of substance, these things become less important.
He already proposed once with fluff, and it wasn’t right. This time he wanted to make sure it was just about the proposal. And you feel less because of THAT? Yours was more special because it didn’t need any padding.
Post # 13
linds1226: Fiance and I were on a date recently and the couple next to us got engaged. The restaurant must have bought her ring out with dessert because she acted surprised at what she saw, now comes the moments of disbelief…she TOLD him he has to get down on knee, and he did, then a few moments later she said, “you didn’t say XYZ”. THEN a few moments after that she said “you don’t seem excited”. Who does that to their man? She just kept picking and picking. If I was that guy I would have snatched the ring back and left lol.
I think you should be appreciative that you have a SO that wants to marry you.
Post # 14
I can see why that would hurt. Your proposal only seems like minimal effort because you have something to compare it to. Maybe he would’ve been embarrassed to do the big proposal again considering it didn’t work out? He just didn’t think through your feelings. Talk to him about it.
Post # 15
- Wedding: April 2018 - Our Backyard
Social media has ruined good old-fashioned proposals. Yours sounds like a normal proposal and you should be happy. I’m getting pretty tired of girls expecting a huge ring, a huge proposal, a huge wedding…..what about the relationship? He asked you to marry him-that’s big. And, forget about the first girl. In my experience, bigger gestures don’t always mean bigger meaning (Poor grammar, but I think you get it). Haven’t you met that annoying person who is always talking about how awesome they are when they’re really just meh? Lots of noise, not a lot of substance. Obviously they didn’t work out, so maybe the grand proposal was an effort to make their relationship feel more grand, if that makes sense.